Signs of autism in a 3yr old girl

[NowImMrCharisma]

Hello, please could anyone share any signs they noticed with their autistic girl?
My girl is 4 next month. She has always been, a little difficult even as a baby. Highly intense, always needed constant attention. Lots of trouble feeding (I appreciate this is probably unrelated but linked to my next point). Little to no interest in food, I think I can count on one hand the foods that she will eat. And they have to be from a specific brand/ supermarket or she will not eat them. I bought strawberries from a different supermarket the other day and she wouldn't eat them because the seeds were too big. We were on an all inclusive holiday last week and all she ate was brioche (one of her 'safe' foods. Ice cream is 'too cold', fizzy drinks are too fizzy (after a whole day of not eating I tried some cola in desperation to get some sugar into her. Juice is a no go). Her senses seem to be hyperstimulated. Can't tolerate loud noises, bright sunlight etc. Hates to have mess or dirt anywhere on her and she will have a meltdown unless I clean it. In situations where she is unfamiliar she will just completely shut down and not talk or respond to anything. I could go on and on. She is not naughty, beautifully behaved (unless with her two year old sister and I could go on and on about that!). Plays well with other children. Doesn't seem to have any developmental delay. Im just so unsure, is this normal 3 year old behaviour or could there be something else? My brother is autistic so maybe I am hyper aware to this.
Thank you for reading if you have got this far!

Just to say as well I am in touch with dietician, but they haven't been very helpful. Nursery haven't flagged any concerns. She was also very difficult to toilet train and still has accidents occasionally mainly at nursery.

Hi OP! I have two daughters with autism, oldest severely but youngest flagged (much to my shock!) at her 2 year HV review. TBH I hadn’t noticed the behaviours as much as older DD was so much dramatically more obvious, however she has all the symptoms you speak of & was non verbal until 3 and a half. She is now 4 and selective mute, similar to your DD will just shut down in overstimulating environments, lots of self harming behaviours (hits herself during meltdown downs & her latest stim is to constantly pick her bottom lip so it’s always bleeding!). I’d approach your HV and see if they can direct you to some support. X

my own dd was diagnosed at 3, I took her to a private place. The main things are the fussy food intake, the anxiety over small things other kids might be ok with, obsessing over certain items, never been able to sleep on her own, very strong willed. Sensory seeking by chewing on things and nuzzling things. Bit of finger flapping was going on that I noticed. Highly sensitive in nature. Needs a tonne of attention all day long. Talks a lot and makes vocal mmmmmm sounds randomly. They said she seems to have an adhd profile. Her older sis was diagnosed at 9 when this dd was 2 so I noticed some things that made me take her in too. I am sure I am forgetting stuff because it is my norm to see autistic kids lol

SEN teacher here, she certainly sounds like she may be. Just be aware girls mask a lot especially as they get older. They hold it all all day at nursery/school and then exhibit behaviours at home (their safe space). Start the ball rolling now on a diagnosis as the older she gets the more she will mask and school won’t be able to help because they won’t see anything.

Thanks for your reply, no stimming or self harming behaviours as such I've noticed. At her 'ready for school' review I talked about her diet problems and trouble toilet training and it was never mentioned by HV and as nursery have never voiced any concerns I wonder if im thinking too much into it. But for a 3 year old she sometimes seems to have the weight of the world on her shoulders 😥

Thanks for your reply, she is VERY sensitive which I find frustrating at times and I'm trying really hard to understand. She seems overstimulated a lot of the time. She is unable to play by herself whatsoever, needs guiding constantly. I think the food is the main thing im worried about at the moment because I think if I offered her only foods she won't eat she would just starve. She shares a room with her sister so she has company at night but it takes her a long long time to fall asleep. Haven't seen any stimming as far as I know.

Almost my entire family are different flavours of neurodivergent and yes, there’s a lot of flags for autism here, especially with a known autistic family member (it’s highly heritable). The lack of comment from nursery doesn’t surprise me at all, they’re not generally looking for this kind of autism as it presents in girls. My 5 year old niece has just been diagnosed with autism and neither nursery or school noticed anything. Compliant, well behaved autistic girls often go under the radar or just seen as ‘quirky’ unless you know what you’re looking for. I’d encourage you to really arm yourself with knowledge of what autism can look like in girls.

On the stimming, it’s likely she is but it’s something innocuous that doesn’t stand out. For me my stims over my life (thumb sucking, ear rubbing/twirling, nose rubbing etc) never stood out as anything needing attention

Thank you, I've had it in the back of my mind for a while but because she doesn't seem to have any developmental delay, nursery have no concerns I've been telling myself I'm overreacting. But something in my gut is telling me this isn't normal. It is so hard sometimes when we take her somewhere lovely and new but she won't for example go on a bouncy castle because other children are on there. Or another example she had to come off because her feet got sandy!

Ot does sound like she could be, or at least sensory issues. My dd is similar, although also very explosive behavior and meltdowns, and has been referred by school for both ASD and ADHD assessments.

Could it be sensory processing disorder?

Thanks for your reply, she doesn't get explosive or proper meltdowns or lashes out or anything she either just cries or gets very tearful. Sometimes shes looks so sad like she doesn't understand, its so sad to see. And I dont know how to help her apart from cuddle her.

Autism presents so differently in different children.

My DD was a very easy baby and toddler. At 3 she didn't really do what she was asked to do, but was perfectly pleasant about it, she just ignored you. Consequences didn't really work with her. No issues toilet training.

She was a picky eater, but not to the same level as the OP's.

My DD wouldn't have got a diagnosis until 10ish as the social side of things wasn't evident - she's got lovely friends, but is clearly a bit quirky.

This is sensible.

With it in the family, it is likely.

Keep a record of early development too, so you can fill in forms later.