Would a five year age gap make room sharing difficult?

[Rowlie]

I’ve just found out I’m pregnant with DC2 and I’m suddenly feeling really anxious about it all. DC1 turns 5 in September, so will be about 5.5 when the baby arrives.
It took us a long time to decide on a second child. For a while we genuinely thought we were happy as a family of three, but as time has gone on, and with DC1 starting school, we found ourselves wanting another baby.
The thing I’m really panicking about is sleeping arrangements. DH and I currently have separate bedrooms and it works brilliantly for us. He snores badly and I’m a very light sleeper, so having our own rooms has honestly been so important for my mental and physical health.
We live in a 3-bed house, so the spare room would obviously need to become the baby’s room eventually, which would mean DH and I sharing again. I know newborn sleep is chaotic anyway, but I’m genuinely worried about long-term sleep deprivation if we have to go back to sharing a room permanently.
Would it be unreasonable for DC1 and DC2 to share a room once the baby is older (say 6+ months), so DH and I could continue sleeping separately? There will be about a 5.5-year age gap. We definitely can’t afford to move to a 4-bed house for at least another 5 years. My other options would be to put two singles or bunk beds in one of the kids rooms and I sleep with one of them, not sure if that’s a ridiculous thought.
Just looking for reassurance, experiences, or perspectives really, because I’m suddenly feeling overwhelmed by it all.

My youngest 2 ds's have a 6 year gap. They happily shared at the older ones request until they were 6 and 12...
Then a spare room became available!!

If I were you I'd plan to share with the baby (or take turns to share between you and DH) until they reliably sleep through - obviously this could be well after 6 months. I don't think an older child can share with a younger sibling until they sleep through the night majority of the time, it's not fair. But totally fine to share once that happens! I think you sharing with one of the kids longer term is also a good option, but honestly just leave it and see how it all goes, I don't think you have to decide or plan now.

TBH I'd be looking into ways to make it feasible for you and DH to share a room together, either treatments for snoring or using earplugs. Couples having separate bedrooms feels like a bit of a luxury when it means dcs having to share and although I'd like my own room at times, I know how important it is for a child to have a bedroom of their own (as a child who grew up having to share). It's not just about sleeping through, it's about having space for their own toys, friends to visit, privacy (esp if opposite sex) and not having to creep around a sleeping sibling whose bedtime is much earlier. Obviously in some families the dcs have to share, but in a 3 bed house and a family of 4, it would be expected that the dcs have their own room.

I think that one of the grown ups needs to share with the baby until they sleep through reliably, at least. I guess the other question is whether you just need separate rooms to sleep in, in which case one of the little ones could have your room for their toys etc?

I don't think you can, until the baby is sleeping through reliably, which probably won't be at 6 months. I'd probably just share with the baby, until then.

@Olaspen we’ve tried most things. Ultimately I think it will be better for my DC to have a functioning and happy mother. I agree if they are the opposite sex it makes it trickier and I wouldn’t expect them to share as they got older. This is an interim solution for five years or so until we can afford a bigger house.

That would be the plan whilst the baby is small

I thought about single beds or bunkbeds in one of the kids rooms so that there is an option for me to move to that room in the night if I am in with DH and the snoring is unbearable. Just knowing there is an option to move rooms and get some sleep relieves a lot of anxiety. It’s partly the snoring which is a genuine issue but partly my anxiety about the snoring, when I try and share with him I’m waiting for thr snoring to start!

Ours have a six year age gap, them sharing would have been a disaster, our youngest is a noisy sleeper, wakes up easily and struggles to settle. She’s now four, if they shared our son wouldn’t have had a full nights sleep in years. You annoyingly can’t predict what sort of sleeper they’ll be.

I shared a room with my younger sister (there’s 4 years between us) until I was 11 & she was 7. It was only a 2 bed house so no option. It was a long time ago as we’re in our 50s now, but don’t have any specific memories of baby crying, keeping me awake etc.

Your DH should see a Dr for his snoring too, if he hasn't already.

I completely understand you. Me and DH are exactly the same. Not many people understand the anxiety and impact the snoring and lack of sleep can have.
We sleep separately and I go to some lengths to ensure this when we are staying away from home for more than 1 night.
Long term insomnia caused by another person is utterly awful.
I oils have the kids share for as long as possible or I would have a bed in the toddlers room if not.

Your DH should be assessed for sleep apnoea - it can damage his health! A CPAP machine could make sharing a bedroom much more palatable.

As for the children, it really depends on temperament as much as age gap.

For belongings and stuff it should be adults sharing and kids having their own rooms. Put a day bed or bunk bed in the baby's room and sleep on it, but keep your belongings in the adult room.

It's not fair on a school aged child to be in with a 6m old baby.

My marriage would not survive shared bedrooms so I feel your pain. We ultimately moved house to ensure sufficient bedrooms, which I recognise is a luxury.

Maybe it depends on the child but neither of mine could have shared with a 6 year old without really disrupting their sleep massively which wouldn’t be fair at all. My daughter is 2 and still wakes up in the night so even now she couldn’t share with another child that she would be waking up.

Your eldest will have toys they don’t want in the common play areas because baby/toddler sibling could break or choke on them e.g. Lego but then they won’t be able to have them out in their bedroom either if they share. Also they’ll want to have friends to play and eventually sleepovers. There could be a creative solution like the kids share a bedroom but it’s only for sleeping whilst the spare room is set up as a big boy play room with a single bed in there that DH can use. You’ll still need to have the youngest in with you until reliably sleeping through though, not automatically move them out at 6 months, otherwise it would be unfairly disruptive.

You won’t really be able to put them together with a 5 year age gap. Maybe there would be a brief time when it works. But by the time your toddler is no longer waking at night (3), you’ll have an 8 year old. You might be able to get away with it til 10. But then you’ll have a teenager who will be up late and needing space.

Realistically, you share with baby for as long as possible. I actually currently share with my 8 year old due to building works and it works fine, but no way I could put him with my 13 year old. Then you’ll get a 4 bedroom or divide a room or snoring Dh sleeps in the lounge.

I sleep on a single bed in toddlers bedroom. He doesn't wake me up he's in his own bed.
Dh and I don't share for the same reasons as you. I don't think it's fair that kids share so you have your own room each. Can't you just have 2 beds in one of the kids rooms and sleep in there? That's what I do but it's still the child's room. I don't have my stuff in there that's all in the main bedroom which DH sleeps in. Eventually when kids want their own space at night ill get a sofa bed for downstairs or something