How do I stop comparing my toddler to others? Is he unusually active or is this normal?

[hopingforapeainapod]

I have a 19 month old son who is wonderful in so many respects - he is confident, incredibly sociable and outgoing, completely fearless and very smiley. However, I can’t stop comparing him to other kids his age about the fact he literally cannot sit still. He has always been incredibly physically active - he was crawling by 8 months and walking by 10 - but he literally does not and will not stop moving. He is interested in everything - pulling open cupboards etc - and cannot remain on any activity for a couple of seconds without bouncing onto the next thing. He will read books with me at home but only if we are by ourselves and there are no other distractions. We spend a LOT of time outside but I find it impossible to do much with him - I can’t take him to shops/supermarkets as he hates being constrained in the pram, and the idea of taking him to a coffee shop or anywhere remotely ‘adult’ is laughable! I just feel envious of my friends whose babies and toddlers will sit still, or at least concentrate on something long enough to give them a bit of a break. A lot of my friends seem to have girls who just seem remarkably chilled and placid in comparison - they can take their toddler to rhyme time at the library or a music class and their children will just sit there and not be absolutely chaos. It’s made it really difficult to make mum friends because whenever I took him to baby/toddler groups I just spent the entire time chasing round after him rather than being able to talk to other parents. Because he is so active he also gets very other tired and fussy very easily, which isn’t easy for my husband and I cope with in the evenings.

I’m starting to worry that there is something ‘wrong’ with my son and feeling guilty for wishing he was ‘easier’. I’m actually pregnant again and worried about having another boy who is as energetic and easily distracted as him…

OP, one thing about toddlers is they are all SO different and there is a huge range of what is "normal"! They're little people too at the end of the day :)
My DD is unusual in that she is quite reserved and likes to sit amongst adults and do things like books and crafting. She rarely gets stuck in and runs about. A lot of parents comment on it and say how lucky we are, but in actual fact I sometimes wish she would feel confident enough to let her hair down (for lack of a better expression!)

My boy was running at 11 months. We spent every group activity with him eventually doing laps if the outside of the building. Refused his buggy, had to have him on reins to keep him safe. Described as a 'character' by others before he was one. We did a lot of jogging around reservoirs to keep up with him. He was exhausting.

Didn't talk until he was three but he is now an adult and totally chilled and normal.

Normal is a big spectrum and unfortunately for you he does sound like he's on the crazier end of normal 😂

Mine was the same. It changes as they get older. He still has incredible amounts of energy but can also sit beautifully in cafes and restaurants now and can spend ages doing crafts/games/puzzles/reading books. He’s 4. He started to calm down massively from 3 years old. Like I say, he still has huge amounts of energy and needs a lot of time outdoors but it does get easier OP.

I think this is absolutely normal AND/OR it could be a sign of ADHD. I wouldn't worry too much about that at this point though.

I always smile wryly at the Facebook reminder I get every year. It's a picture of DS in a Costa colouring. He's about 2.5 and the post says something like, "Aaah, that moment when your toddler is finally capable of sitting still for 10 minutes so that you can enjoy a coffee while he colours".

I wouldn't even have called DS particlarly high energy, but it was absolutely true that we needed to be out and about a lot more than many of my friends. And irritatingly to me, it did seem to me that as a rule, the girls were calmer than the boys which annoyed me no end as I'm a big believe in Nurture vs Nature.

We identified a few good places where he could be left to roam quite safely - smaller soft plays for example. We had membership at at least two so we could pop in for an hour or so, without feeling we'd been robbed. One was actually a big family adventure place near us which was worth every penny - an hour in the soft play and then sometimes a bit of mad running round, animal visiting or whatever. I think DH in particular was quite sad when we eventually had to give up our membership!

He did also do quite a few classes but yes, football was a disaster - staanding around waiting for his turn and listening to instructions? hahahahahaha. But he loved music groups where they were banging on drums and the like and we found one that really didn't care if the children wandered around a bit too! He also joined a different sports group a bit later where it was multi skills so always different which kept him entertained (and much less waiting around to do drills!). He also loved things like swings and could spend hours being pushed. My arms got quite the work out - that sense of movement on the swing is what he liked I think! Swimming can be great too.

The other thing we found when he was about your DS' age was to get him out the house EARLY. For about a year between his first and second birtdays, me or DH was out with him every morning by 8. We'd take him for a walk on his push scooter and let him get out if he wanted or be pushed if he didn't. Or I'd take him on the bus into town and we'd have breakfast at a greasy spoon. Of we'd go and feed the ducks or hit a park really early. We just found getting him out early, even just for an hour, made the rest of the day 100% calmer.

Oh, and yes, he has ADHD. Although inattentive not hyperactive type!

My son was /is like this. He is one great ball of energy, never stopped. Seemed to go hyperactive in the evenings rather than get sleepy and relaxed. We couldn’t do anything like go out for meals as we’d have to take it turns to keep him busy walking around. Baby gymnastics was fine until the end when they had sitting in a circle singing etc. he just wanted to climb stuff.
I had my daughter when he was 2.5. Oh my what a difference. She was / is so chilled. Would sit and watch night garden peacefully. Nothing like what he was like.
so yes - I would say it is normal- but yes bloody exhausting. Different kids have different personalities and I would say generally girls will sit nicely and calmly. Boys are much more physical and energetic.

Totally normal! Both of mine were like this 🤣🤣 I used to look at other toddlers and think how come they sit still. Honestly don’t stress, i found with both of mine they calmed down around 3 months before they turned 4, so only another 2 years 🤣🤣 the days of sitting down whilst they play peacefully will come.

Normal.

It would be a problem if he still couldn’t sit still and had an attention span of seconds at 5 or 6 years, but at 19 months, it is still very likely to be a variant of normal.

Mine too, 15 months. Unless sick, she has never slept more than 12 hours out of 24, even as a very little baby. She currently goes to bed at 9:30 and is up at 7am at the latest.

Normal, although my toddler is younger than yours. Tonnes of energy (we walk EVERYWHERE) and very 'spirited'. Mine will only watch TV for 5 minutes but does differ from yours in that she will repeat the same thing a thousand times in a row (the same loop of the playground, the same book) if it somehow catches her interest. I think this is probably normal too!

I've had a few 'boys, eh?' comments, presumably because DD is still as bald as a bean and sparkly shoes don't sufficiently cancel out the high energy = boy association. But anecdotally, all the toddler girls I know are complete tearaways while the boys are quite placid.

Same. Mine had a bug and he slept a bit more recently for a few days. He slept 12 hours at night and then took a 2 hour nap and then did that again for 2 more days. It blew my mind. I was so much more rested. A friend had a baby the same time as me and for her this is a normal day.

We're back to normal now though unfortunately. I need to inject coffee in my veins somehow.

All the other parents of normal kids like this aren't clustering in coffee shops, or the more gentle play sessions. Those parents are found in the woods, at softplay, in the playground etc trying to wear their child out.

So play groups are self selecting - those normal kids who like to sit, engage, listen are all found there.

If you look in the right places, you'll find the Mums of kids like yours (usually with a large flask of coffee!).

We got kicked out of a playgroup at 5 months, as it was a "lay your baby on the floor in front of you" style place. And DS just wants to flip himself over and crawl. He got the headmasters award last year for academic achievement at GCSE, and has just made pancakes for us all for breakfast (17 year old, up before 8am on a weekend by choice - no alarm clock).

My 2nd DS was just like this . He climbed out of his cot at 14 months old and we had to put him in a bed for his own safety . His DB and DS were only a year or two older than him so I had recent comparisons to check him against . I took him to the doctor thinking he had ADHD and was told to watch e numbers in his diet and not to give him smarties or orange cordial 😂. This was the late 70s .
he was diagnosed as ADHD in his late 40s .
I admit he was a handful but he was told off a lot and didn’t get away with his naughty behaviour as he grew up . Your son sounds similar but you can’t really tell at such a young age . Good luck .