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Original poster

Shouted and made child cry

18 replies

Pandaghost · 26/05/2026 21:32

This morning I shouted and made my 4 year old cry. The whole morning was chaotic and neither my 4yo or 1 yo slept well due to the heat. Both were tired and cranky..eldest constantly asking for things and youngest wanting to be held the whole time. House was a mess. Needed to get ready for an appointment and things were manic. Baby had cried most of the time from 8-10 and would only be pacified when being held (which meant I couldn't get anything done and it was making us both really hot)
Put the baby in their walker while I tried to get some jobs done. Immediately started crying again. I was carrying washing into the utility room and some of it caught on door handle and I whacked my elbow on the metal handle. I shouted "aaaah" and it admittedly was loud. I dropped everything i was carrying (a bag from a weekend away, belts etc) so it made a loud noise also and then im embarrassed to say, I hit the door with my hand.
My 4 yo cried about 5 minutes later. Said it was because of the baby crying. OH arrived as I was consoling them and stayed while I took baby to childminders. Myself and 4yo then had a lovely morning in the garden playing before baby returned at 3pm. Rest of the day was lovely.
Tonight 4yo said I scared them when I shouted and it was because I was angry at them. Ive explained why I shouted, said I shouldn't have done it and that im sorry but I feel absolutely awful. What can I do?

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IwouldifIcouldreachit · 26/05/2026 21:34

I wouldn't give it another second's thought. You hurt yourself, you yelled. Presumably you told your child you were hurt and not cross.

Original poster
Pandaghost · 26/05/2026 21:35

I did. I said I was hurt and thats why I shouted. Im just really sad that they think it was aimed at them and thinking thats why they cried

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TheignT · 26/05/2026 21:36

Accept you aren't Mary Poppins and carry on. It will be fine, you love them and they love you, one episode of shouting won't change that and you weren't even shouting just reacting to hurting yourself.

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TheignT · 26/05/2026 21:37

Pandaghost · 26/05/2026 21:35

I did. I said I was hurt and thats why I shouted. Im just really sad that they think it was aimed at them and thinking thats why they cried

Noshe cried because she was hot and tired and got emotional. It will be fine.

Original poster
Pandaghost · 26/05/2026 21:39

We had a lovely day and there was no mention of it after it happened until bedtime. Im worried it has been on their mind all day and they think I was angry with them. Eldest asked why the baby was in childcare and not them (eldest is term time only, baby isnt) so also concerned they think I sent the baby there because I was upset/angry

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Original poster
Pandaghost · 26/05/2026 21:39

We had a lovely day and there was no mention of it after it happened until bedtime. Im worried it has been on their mind all day and they think I was angry with them. Eldest asked why the baby was in childcare and not them (eldest is term time only, baby isnt) so also concerned they think I sent the baby there because I was upset/angry

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icedcoffeetomyveins · 26/05/2026 21:42

You're doing incredibly well OP if that's the first time you've shouted in 4 years. A lot of parenting is making mistakes, and owning up to it in front of our DC. About 30% of parenting is rupture, and 30% is repair. The repair part is so important for them to learn from!

If you find you're yelling regularly, there's tactics to help, but once off I would not worry about.

ShetlandishMum · 26/05/2026 21:47

Children need a bit of resilience don't worry too much.

Perrygreen · 26/05/2026 21:55

If that's the first time you've shouted in front of your 4 year old, and it wasn't even at them, then you have the patience of a Saint.

Original poster
Pandaghost · 26/05/2026 22:03

Thanks everyone. Its definitely not the first time ive shouted but its the first time ive upset them. When ever ive shouted at my 4yo they haven't took the blindest bit of notice. I wouldn't say im particularly shouty, more of a moaner really but I have shouted on occasions e.g said their name loudly when they arent listening or shouted stop it etc

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icedcoffeetomyveins · 27/05/2026 17:14

I sprayed my 4 year old with a hose yesterday reflexively - not my proudest parenting moment but one we've repaired. We all make mistakes in the heat of the moment, and yours isn't nearly as bad as mine. 🥲 (They were spraying their one year old sibling in the face, didn't listen to the yelled No!, and it was pure reflex when I grabbed the hose off them to give them a blast too.)

We have a long road of parenting ahead of us, be kind to yourself. We're not always going to get it right, we just need to get it right enough.

Twisterlollies · 27/05/2026 17:15

Pandaghost · 26/05/2026 21:32

This morning I shouted and made my 4 year old cry. The whole morning was chaotic and neither my 4yo or 1 yo slept well due to the heat. Both were tired and cranky..eldest constantly asking for things and youngest wanting to be held the whole time. House was a mess. Needed to get ready for an appointment and things were manic. Baby had cried most of the time from 8-10 and would only be pacified when being held (which meant I couldn't get anything done and it was making us both really hot)
Put the baby in their walker while I tried to get some jobs done. Immediately started crying again. I was carrying washing into the utility room and some of it caught on door handle and I whacked my elbow on the metal handle. I shouted "aaaah" and it admittedly was loud. I dropped everything i was carrying (a bag from a weekend away, belts etc) so it made a loud noise also and then im embarrassed to say, I hit the door with my hand.
My 4 yo cried about 5 minutes later. Said it was because of the baby crying. OH arrived as I was consoling them and stayed while I took baby to childminders. Myself and 4yo then had a lovely morning in the garden playing before baby returned at 3pm. Rest of the day was lovely.
Tonight 4yo said I scared them when I shouted and it was because I was angry at them. Ive explained why I shouted, said I shouldn't have done it and that im sorry but I feel absolutely awful. What can I do?

Oh God I read this thinking ‘don’t apologise, don’t apologise’ But sure enough…

Shouting is a perfectly normal reaction to a very annoying protracted situation. I try hard not to shout all the time but I’m only human and it’s good for children to see human behaviour and the boundaries of other people, not grow up treating others as emotionless droids there to be pushed around.

They’ll be fine.

canuckup · 27/05/2026 18:06

What can you do???

Honestly what is a reasonable response to this??

Just move on?

My life

OpenCloseSplit · 27/05/2026 18:59

You say you’ve shouted before and it’s been ok, did the eldest see you hitting the door after you’d shouted? Im not saying this to be an arsehole, I genuinely do think many parents have hit walls and doors in frustration, it can be a scary thing for a small child to see and sometimes it’s the thing they were doing themselves that sticks in their head and they think is the cause simply because they’re not old enough to understand adult responsibilities and stressses. You’ve reassured your child and shouldn’t keep beating yourself up for it. It sounds like a one off , if they were regularly seeing you hitting doors etc in anger then I’d be saying different buts it’s not regular and your children will be fine.

My bil I’ve seen shout OWW YOU ARSEHOLE after catching his elbow on the doorframe due to carrying a tray of food, food got dropped and he then hit the door, it’s really upset his dd and she thought he was angry at her because it was her food he was bringing in. She was about 4/5 but he explained he was calling the doorframe an arsehole and shouldn’t have hit the door and apologised for scaring her, she’s 9 now and she’s very close to her dad. He still feels bad for it now but she can’t even remember it.

I’d say not to be hard yourself, you didn’t shout at the children, it’s not a regular thing, you’ve reassured them, you’ve told them you weren’t angry at them. It will be ok.

Iocanepowder · 27/05/2026 19:06

Don’t worry about it op

bookbun · 27/05/2026 20:58

So many posts like this atm.

OP, you didn't do anything wrong. Try not to shout try to be more organised, try to bear in mind that heatwaves need to be managed and people suffer in the them so cut yourself and your family some slack.

If you always shouted at your dc or got in their face or ever shoved them that would be concerning, but what you described is just a frustrating domestic moment. It's good your dc told you they were scared shows she trusts you.

Rhaidimiddim · 27/05/2026 21:07

Pandaghost · 26/05/2026 21:32

This morning I shouted and made my 4 year old cry. The whole morning was chaotic and neither my 4yo or 1 yo slept well due to the heat. Both were tired and cranky..eldest constantly asking for things and youngest wanting to be held the whole time. House was a mess. Needed to get ready for an appointment and things were manic. Baby had cried most of the time from 8-10 and would only be pacified when being held (which meant I couldn't get anything done and it was making us both really hot)
Put the baby in their walker while I tried to get some jobs done. Immediately started crying again. I was carrying washing into the utility room and some of it caught on door handle and I whacked my elbow on the metal handle. I shouted "aaaah" and it admittedly was loud. I dropped everything i was carrying (a bag from a weekend away, belts etc) so it made a loud noise also and then im embarrassed to say, I hit the door with my hand.
My 4 yo cried about 5 minutes later. Said it was because of the baby crying. OH arrived as I was consoling them and stayed while I took baby to childminders. Myself and 4yo then had a lovely morning in the garden playing before baby returned at 3pm. Rest of the day was lovely.
Tonight 4yo said I scared them when I shouted and it was because I was angry at them. Ive explained why I shouted, said I shouldn't have done it and that im sorry but I feel absolutely awful. What can I do?

Kids need to learn that their parents are human and fallible. You did nothing wrong and you explained to him what had happened.

Be kind to yourself and let it go.

Original poster
Pandaghost · 27/05/2026 22:37

Thank you so much everyone for being so kind. It wasnt mentioned at all today so im feeling better that it was something that happened, they were unsure of/unsettled by and we've talked about it and resolved it. I definitely will try and be more organised. When im in work things run much more smoothly but when im off I tend to think I have all the time in the world and dont do as much prep the night before and things get a bit chaotic. Really appreciate everyone taking the time to reply and for being so kind

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