Am I wrong to set firmer boundaries with our neighbour's child?

[Member123467890]

For context we moved into our house 4 years ago. The neighbours had the a son the same age as our and they went to nursery together. They became fast friends. They’re now at the same school. I feel like the neighbours kid is obsessed with our son. Both kids are 5.

Every time we step into the garden he will shout for my son/at our family. His parents are great but you can tell their son is an add on to their family, rather than part of the family. They often leave him to his own devices which means we accidentally look after him. I once had to run to their house because their son was in the garden by himself standing on stacked up chairs so he could talk to my son over the fence. My son has started to say it bothers him sometimes and I think he’s picking up on the fact that we feel we can’t go in the garden without being bothered.

Another thing that happens is that the neighbours kid will run to our door and try and kick it down to get our son to come see him. He’s left 4-5 scuff marks on our door which I can’t get out. Sometimes my son isn’t even home. When I look out the window his parents are a good 100m away down the road. I’ve never heard them ask him not to kick the door.

If we pull in the drive he’ll often run out (even if we’re with family or have been out all day) and try and get my son to go into his house with them. I feel torn because my son does want to go and play. If we’re leaving he’ll sometimes try and get in our car so we can’t drive off. If the kids are playing outside his parents will often leave and go back into their house leaving us to look after him but also means we can’t actually go in if our kids need to loo or want to watch TV.

We have two little boys and I feel like the neighbours really interrupt when our boys are playing really nicely together.

Today, we got home from a day at the beach. We were all exhausted. I opened the back door to put the beach things in the garden and he immediately started shouting our son’s name. I asked him to stop shouting. His dad said “yeah stop shouting because it’s too loud”. I think it’s totally gone over the dad’s head that we don’t want to be yelled at multiple times a day. It’s not the volume, it’s the constant hounding.

We are moving (40% of the reason is because we feel under siege from this kid) but I’m feeling guilty/ bad for essentially trying to correct this kids behaviour. AITA?

Tbh your problem is the disinterested parents . It sounds like the little boy is desperate for contact with someone .

Yes, absolutely! I think that and very poor boundaries.

One of my friends has an open and closed sign in her window for just this purpose. She says it works.

Thats what kids his age do, its not necessarily due to disinterested parents. They want to play with kids their age.

Yep, I hear you. Every time I come home I dread everyone being outside and my kids desperate to play but they are either left out or teased and I’m the only one who sees it.

The open/ close sigh sounds good

As long as he and the parents can read

We have a similar issue (although children are a bit younger. The neighbours child is often raised on neglect left to his own devices. Sometimes it works because DD isn’t asking us to play, but I can see it getting harder as they get older.

no solutions, but sending solidarity and definitely talk to the parents if you feel able.

Oh this is such a good idea.

@Member123467890 trying to think how you can deal with this bearing in mind he's just a little kid with what is (in his mind) his best mate and I wouldn't want to advise you to do anything cruel.

The parents probably won't be interested based on your description but possibly if you set down a boundary around the more severe stuff like kicking door and chasing car they should listen to those.

Then for the more day to day / calling over the fence I think the idea of an open and closed sign would be great. We had a similar neighbor when I was a kid and my mum did something similar - something like if she left a certain toy or something out in the garden it meant he could come to play, if she didn't, it was a 'closed' day. He understood and would come and check and not bother us if we were closed.

And maybe something like he himself could put a sign or a toy your son could see to indicate (without yelling) that he wants to play.