Trigger warning- child sa in the media. How to respond when your child hears things in school?

[Pippipumpkin]

Just after some advice. My DD (9) said this morning that another child in her class had told her that a certain celebrity was in jail because he had sex with a child (a bit irrelevant but person in question is in jail, but not for those offences). DD has an age appropriate understanding of sex (eg. Sex is between adults in a loving relationship, for making babies etc), but asked me 'how is that even possible'. It broke my heart that she has been exposed to even having to compute this at her age.
I told her she did the right thing talking to me about it, and i just skirted around saying there are some really awful people in the world and sometimes really bad stuff happens and it's right they go to jail. I talked a bit about consent and how children can't consent (in an age appropriate way) I also encouraged her to tell her teacher at the time if she hears anything else like that, as it's not appropriate for that kind of talk at school.
Would you address it with the school directly too? I know I can't control what they are exposed to by other children, but it has just really thrown me and made me feel quite sad this morning.

Sounds as if you handled it well. But IMHO she’s old enough to know more about sex-that it’s not just for making babies, for example. And you’re very right to talk about consent often and emphatically. Remember-she will be-and probably has been exposed to a lot more than you think or want and knowledge is power.

Yes, you're right. I tend to have an approach of if they ask a direct question be as honest as possible, but have perhaps not expanded too much...I normally have a tendency to go into too much detail with things, so have had to just step back an answer what they are asking if that makes sense? But I always encourage the DC to ask me anything etc.

It is depressing what they are potentially being exposed to, but you're right...knowledge is power

I think you handled it well up to the bit about its not appropriate to talk about this in school. I think that’s a very grey area to be wading into. She very likely at some point will hear talk about abuse at school. 1 in 5 children is being sexually abused. If it’s not her, then it’s going to be one of her 4 friends, in a statistical sense. One of her friends may come to her to talk about these things. She may witness something herself (not sexual abuse, but one of my dc witnessed a friend being physically attacked by a parent on a FaceTime video call and we had to report it). There may be teachers who engage in inappropriate behaviour or chatter of it at school. My dc’s friends dad is a teacher who was fired for sexual misconduct with a student - not at my dc’s school, but a nearby one, and there was a lot of chatter.

This isn’t bad and children shouldn’t be reported for discussing it at school or with peers. Inappropriate behaviour, yes. Sharing inappropriate photos, yes (obviously your dd is too young still for that). But it’s not bad to talk about it. I would praise the openness, of other students and your dd in talking to you. It’s a bad thing to do, but not a bad thing to talk about.

@mindutopia that sentence will stay with me as useful advice - it’s a bad thing to do but not a bad thing to talk about. Thank you.
@Pippipumpkin sounds like you’ve done a great job 👏 Keep encouraging that communication & your relationship will continue to be such a source of strength to your DC.

Thank you, that's really helpful.

I have been very clear with them in the past about things to raise with their teachers, and have actively encouraged them to raise things with their teachers when they have come to me and shared worrying stuff (and then followed it up myself). I didn't directly say to her that wasn't appropriate playground talk, I was more musing that it's not really ok for kids to be hearing about stuff in the media and then sharing it as almost gossip with their friends. However on further reflection, this sort of chatter might actually make a child realise they are being abused themselves, which could help a disclosure. so perhaps it's just something I will have to support my DC to understand and keep them talking to me.