How to support my daughter after hearing abusive language from family

[confusedandwingingit]

How are we dealing with this?!

My 10 year old called heard her grandfather (her dads dad) called me the worst word …. rhymes with runt and starts with a C! Following me picking her up from her fathers (he lives with parents) as she wanted to come home so he said he could. He said She has only fing been here 10 minutes, so what's that c doing here? ' My daughter called him out and said ' i heard what you said about my mum, and I will tell her'

Then on the way home I got a lovely message on my phone from my daughters dad, which of course popped up on the car saying 'Abusive C**T . Child Abuser' Which again my daughters 10 & 14 both saw. Child abuser because I answered my daughters wishes and agree to pick her up. (he also told her she could come home)

My 10 year old is now saying she doesn't want to see her dad or go into that house again, and I can't blame her!!!

Just needed a rant more than anything!!!!

So angry she is being exposed to this kind of language, toxicity & environment!!
My eldest daughter doesn't see him anymore due to years of manipulation, that she saw and dealt with :(

How do they even build a relationship back from this? Its so sad and i'm so so sad that this is how their father is :(

@confusedandwingingit I would be very angry too. Do you have a child arrangement order in place? Must they see their dad? The views of a 10 year old would be taken into account and you should try and get visits supervised if this sort of language is common. I’ve no experience of social services but you are right to protect DDs and take what steps are needed to do this. If dd doesn’t see him, what would he do?

The wording is less important here than the aggressive aspect of it.

Why on earth would you want your child to have a relationship with this abusive and disgusting man? I'd do whatever it took to keep her away from him.

There is no court order. He has been threatening me with that for a good 8 years.
Shes a very clever girl, and she knows between right & wrong.
I mean, he'd just send me a few abusive messages and post a few "feel sorry for me" memes on his Instagram but thats all!

Believe it or not, I don't. Hes awful & so so manipulative. I just feel heartbroken that my girls have him for a father.
I don't know what to do for the best.

😔😔

@confusedandwingingitNo court order means dd has a choice. Let her make it. If it’s meeting dad in a public place, facilitate that if she wants to. If not, go to court - he probably won’t bother. DD will be spoken to and by secondary age, they are allowed to have valid opinions, and so are you. I’d call his bluff if DD doesn’t want to see him.

"How do they even build a relationship back from this?"
They don't. Your ex and his family sound vile and it's probably best to protect your children from the entire family. But the bullet and let them know that they don't have to go there if they don't want to, and just taper off the visits with as little drama as possible.

I agree.
Its so hard and might sound stupid, but this isn't the life I wanted for my daughters but I feel like I've no choice now.

She called him out on it and accused her of lying and that it didnt happen - then backtracked.

He didnt even apologise for how it made her feel. He's just disgusting.

You choose to keep dd away from them. He can go down the court route. Do you think they can compose themselves to convince a judge your dd needs them in her life?. Very doubtful..
Does he pay cms? If not claim. And block them all. Your dd will likely be relieved..

Thats very true. I'm not sure what "benefit" a judge would see in forcing a relationship there.

He wasnt paying CM but I got him investigated and eventually they got the money from him.