Potty training - we have hit a wall!

[RoomToDream]

We're struggling to potty train out 3 year 4 month old boy. He had a panicky start last summer and got quite upset when he first had a wee nappy-free. We paused and decided to build him up to it.

He is happy to practice sitting on the potty or on the toilet seat, he just won't go and says he is scared. We've tried distracting him with books, screens and bubble wands - he just holds it in.

I feel so bad that he has developed this negative association. I let him come to the bathroom with me and try to make having a wee a happy thing and not scary. I was hoping being a bit silly with it would calm him down but it doesn't make a difference when he sits down.

How do we get past this?

The Pirate Pete book worked for us. Think there are videos on YouTube too now, although we just used the book.

Have you already tried motivational sticker charts etc, he is the perfect age for that.

Pirate Pete's Potty: A Ladybird potty training book https://share.google/EzISH239sw10HDbHS

I second books. Mine didn’t have a fear but she was 100% uninterested in the potty until we went to the library, picked up every book they had on potty training and subbed them on for all her other books. Reading became 100% about potties but there was no pressure associated with it, as it was just exciting new books to read. It worked wonders for us and really changed her attitude towards the toilet.

Have you read the Oh Crap potty training book?

Basically he needs to move from weeing in a nappy (which feels familiar and comfortable) to weeing into thin air (which feels new and strange).

With our DS I did not ask him to go to the toilet, sit on the potty or anything like that - you need to do all the work at the beginning.

Make sure he is wearing nothing from the waist down and then just potter around the house as normal. Have the potty close by but don’t really mention it. At some point he will relax/forget and start weeing. Grab the potty and try to get some wee in it. Give lots of praise that he got some wee in the potty.

You will get better at noticing the signs that he is about to wee, so you will get better at getting the wee in the potty.

Do that for a few days and between you, hopefully it will happen.

Same for poop unfortunately.. sorry in advance if you have carpet…

Definitely stickers might help. We drew a wee star on a daily chart for sitting on the potty and they chose a sticker for any result. Would he wee in the bath? Not something you want every day but it might help him to get a sticker and, at the moment, releasing a wee is more important than where.

We went shopping for pants and a potty. I think with my youngest we purchased fireman Sam pants - it was a long time ago. Whatever potty/pants they like it’s fine.
Mine also enjoyed spending time with Dad while he was in the bathroom. Especially watching him wee standing up. We also did wees into bottles - also fun. Or watering the plants.
A step for the toilet and then a ping pong ball or something to aim at in the toilet can also be good for boys.
I tried to make it a game.
And they are now both fully functional adults with good aim. So don’t worry you are creating further issues.
bit the bare bottom half and lots of outside time really helped. Although a low point was DS1 driving his Thomas the tank engine through a poo.
But persevere.
Some toddlers also thing their bowel
movements belong to them. We used Mr Poo goes to Poo land which at that point was a PDF.

He likes reading books about the process, he just worries about letting go. We praised him so much for weeing without a nappy. He seemed to hate the sensation though as it was unfamiliar.

I do wonder if following dad more and trying 'boy wees' might help break the fear.

Thanks for all the suggestions so far!