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Parenting

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Original poster

What the youngest age you would leave DC with a non family member?

25 replies

Gangle · 22/06/2008 12:53

DS is 12 weeks old and DH and I have been invited to a wedding with a no kids allowed rule. It's a good friend so do want to go but have noone to leave DS with for the day. Was thinking of contacting a nanny agency to see if they have a qualified nanny who can look after him on the odd day (subject to interviewing her, and liking her!). Just not sure though that I am happy to leave him just yet. We don't have family nearby so that's not an option either. Is 12 weeks too young to be left? Also need to find out how to express but that's another matter . . .

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MissingMyHeels · 22/06/2008 12:54

I would personally but I know lots wouldn't, think it depends on baby in question and how comfortable you feel with the person you find.

BandofMothers · 22/06/2008 12:57

I was invited to a no kids wedding when dd2 was 10 weeks old, I rang my friend and said I can't leave her as I am bfing can I bring her,( I could never express enough to leave her and she refused formula), and she let me, and all the single ladies loved her, and some of the married men.
I would not have left her that young with non family esp someone I didn't even know. But that is me, I just wouldn't have gone, mind you this was only the evening do, not the church bit, as a compromise perhaps you could just go to the do, not the church with your baby. Call her and see what she says.

littleducks · 22/06/2008 13:18

my oldest is 2 she can now talk fluently and would be able to tell me if something happened she was unhappy with, I am probably going to put her in the gym creche now

i used to be a nanny pre kids

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spicemonster · 22/06/2008 13:22

do you not think you can tell if a non-verbal child is happy littleducks?

OP - I would contact the bride and see if she'll make an exception for a very young baby as BoM says. I would have left mine probably at that age but I was dreadful at expressing so it was a total pita for me to be away from him for any length of time

kitbit · 22/06/2008 13:29

Personally I wouldn't go - bf'ing and expressing and worrying all day if he's OK would have spoiled it for me anyway. Plus you'll miss him and be leaky

micci25 · 22/06/2008 13:33

my youngest was left with a non family member at about 6 months! but she was a good friend i have known since infant school and been friends with since the age of about 14 so is practically like family!

where is the wedding? if its at/near a hotel couldnt you get a nanny to stay at the hotel with him? that way you can keep popping back and checking!

Original poster

Gangle · 22/06/2008 13:45

We live in London and the wedding is the other side of London, about 1.5 hours away. We would be back the same day and it's only the evening reception.

OP posts:

BandofMothers · 22/06/2008 13:46

Call her then and see what she says, she may let you, is she a good friend??? My friend didn't mind at all.

hayley2u · 22/06/2008 13:54

well i am fussy who i leave my kids with. its either faimily or my bestest friends that is. but i would consider a nanny as very are vetted, police checked have to have references etc. and also qualified so you know they are safe. i would invite to meet them then again call thrm back and leave them with dc for a few hours one day though, so you can go out for a bit (shopping or something) and then youll know if you happy to leave her for the day, and you like the nanny or not

Original poster

Gangle · 22/06/2008 13:56

have already told her we probably won't be able to come and noone to look after DS, i.e. giving her opportunity to invite him, but she hasn't.

OP posts:

BandofMothers · 22/06/2008 13:57

Don't hint about it, ask her outright, is she your friend, or is it an aquaintance??

Just say he's sop young and you're feeding him yourself, would it be okay to bring him, otherwise you can't come??

hayley2u · 22/06/2008 13:59

i think you should get a nanny for day that way you can relax anf enjoy your day and be just a phonecall away

barmymamma · 22/06/2008 14:02

i would def sk your friend first if you could take baby. if not and you still want to go, then its up to you and what your comfortable with.if your going to go and enjoy yourself, then do it. it wish i had got out when mine were young. prob easier when they are young cos so long as they are fed, there not to bothered who is there, lol. as they get older they get more clingy.

as for expressing and bottle feeding baby, how long till the doo?have you been offering bottles already, is baby happy taking them? and how about expressing? if the weding very soon, id worry that you will get stressed trying to get these things established and that may then disturb the breast feeding. i couldnt expres for toffee, bloody nightmare, but that just me, loads of women do it well.

hope all goes well though and you get out, start as you mean to go on and dont let your life stop just cos you got little ones, i did and wish i hadnt!!!!

moshie · 22/06/2008 14:02

Agree with BOM, have you contacted your friend to explain your feelings over leaving him? It's not as though he's going to be running around causing chaos. You can always take him out if he cries during the ceremony.

SantaBarbara · 22/06/2008 14:09

I guess your friend will not have the tiniest idea of the difficulties of leaving a 12 week old.

Either

ring her to explain, as others have suggested, that you can't come without dc and dc won't run around making a fuss of any kind. or
don't go

littleducks · 22/06/2008 14:11

spicemonster-i am suggesting that with a non verbal child things happen that you never know about, these can be good things or occassionally things that you would be less happy with and that was something i observed when i was the childcare provider so now have chosen not to use childcare

I wasnt trying to start an argument but felt that if i put across my opinion the op, then if she feels that she would prefer to take baby she wont feel that she is the first person to feel that way, and may feel more confident in asking/looking at other options.

SantaBarbara · 22/06/2008 14:16

But ,ha ha, have just re-read the OP's actual question...

I left dc4 with a non family member at 9 weeks when I was very PND and I wanted to take dcs 1 and 2 away for a weekend. DH was available for the overnight bit with dcs 3 and 4.

Original poster

Gangle · 22/06/2008 14:23

Think the issue is leaving him full stop, not just leaving him with a non family member. Have left him for 20 minutes with my mother in law but worried just as much because she doesn't do things the way I do. At least with a nanny you can tell them how you want the baby looked after and (in theory) they have to listen and comply because you are paying them to!

OP posts:

francagoestohollywood · 22/06/2008 14:25

I thought that a child free wedding would allow for a 12 weeker, wouldn't it? I mean, a 12 week baby doesn't run around, doesn't drink and doesn't EAT. Take him along I say !

Love2bake · 22/06/2008 14:30

It is easier to leave them with a stranger when they are this young. It's when they older that they may not like it.

I think it will be fine to leave him with someone that knows what their doing.

BandofMothers · 22/06/2008 14:34

I couldn't leave either of them with anyone other than my mum and a very trusted friend who is also a mum. They were the only people i trusted, and even the friend was when dd2 was older, I think she was 4 1/2 mths old, otherwise it was just my mum. I think it is an individual thing.

SantaBarbara · 22/06/2008 14:34

Gangle, yes the non-family member I left dc4 with was our nanny so I could be sure all was as I would want.

Does your friend realy understand about babes in arms though? Have you asked her?

SantaBarbara · 22/06/2008 14:35

really

AbbeyA · 22/06/2008 16:20

I would phone up and say that you are taking him because you have no one to leave him with. A 12 week old baby isn't like having a child. He doesn't want food or a seat and won't run around. You can take him out if he cries.

OverMyDeadBody · 22/06/2008 16:22

I left DS with non family members from a young age, but always friends I knew well.

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