Anyone else regret becoming a parent

[Naturetime]

My honest rant.

I hate being a parent and wish i never had kids, there ive said it.
I have 2 and i think why did i bother.
Parenting is not what its cracked up to be its like signing your life away when you give birth.
Im so done with it.
Given my time again no way would i do it.
Im just counting down the days they piss off.
Only some parents will understand what i mean.

Before the inevitable ‘I find this so sad for your kids 😢’ posts, can you share a bit more about your circumstances?

Well I love every bloomin moment so we ain't gonna agree on this.

Sounds like you’re having a tough time OP.

How old are your children?

I don't regret it as such but motherhood has obliterated me to a large extent. I'm no longer really me anymore, I'm just mum. I think other people will come along and say that you have to just make time for your hobbies / life / self but some people just have a lot more energy than I ever had. I've tried I really have and I just don't have the energy, money, time or headspace to be myself anymore and be what my kids need me to be at the same time.

Both 16 in a few week twins.

I think people get lost in the overwhelming nature of having small children. Yes it’s exhausting but it really is for a relatively short time and then you get more of yourself back. Also, having chikdren in our culture is very isolating, which doesn’t help. But no, it’s never the same of course. How old are your children?

Its like over the years ive evaparated.
On the outside life looks good but know one gets it.

If you use Reddit there is a helpful subreddit for regretful parents, lots of support and other people who understand when you vent.

I don't think having kids is a sensible idea for most women. Some are absolutely completed by it and that creates a sense of allure about the whole idea but I think it's very unusual.

It's fine just power through

16 year olds are tough, they’ll be independent soon enough and need you less, then it will be time for you. What kind of relationship do you want with them when they leave home?

I have an even worse confession than that.

I have 4 children and I only regret having one of them.
I have never said that to anyone but parents are human and although 3 of them were a joy to bring up one of them just slowly destroyed my soul.

No shame in it i hear you i really do.

I dont know as long as they are living well thats good enough for me.
They have told me we are not close so dont think we will visit much when we leave home their words not mine.
Not all parents have perfect children no matter how good we raise them no matter how good a life they have.

FWIW I can imagine my parents felt like that about me from when I was about 13 until about 22. I just caused them relentless pain, disappointment, and every other negative emotion going. I'm 40 now and for the past 15 years we've had such a close relationship - I'm probably closer to them now than any of my siblings, maybe because we got all the angst and frustration out, and said all of the things that so often remain unsaid to fester.
Without knowing the details of your specific circumstances - and I realise some situations don't havethe same scope for improvement as others, particularly where e.g. disability or addiction are involved - it may be that there is still time for things to get better, for you and for the OP.

It’s not a ‘short time’. My 7 year old has only just gone to sleep after 1.5 hours of messing around and constantly getting out of bed. Her younger brother is 3 and awake at 6am latest every morning. I am now going into year 8 of sleep deprivation.

Maybe as time goes on and they enter adulthood things may look different for all of you. Do they plan to go to university? I think some space may do you good. Is their behaviour bad or do you just find the day to day parenting mundane.

I was a god awful little shit at that age so was my brother I’m surprised my mum didn’t have a breakdown.

They dont want uni so they say.

Thire behaviour is sometimes awful spitful walking on eggshells, sometimes its ok not good but ok.

I can relate to some extent. I can’t imagine life without my children but I sometimes wonder if I’m cut out for motherhood and if it was the right decision for me. My dd is 16 and nothing could have prepared me for the last few years, I’ve been close to a mental breakdown for so long and as it feels so relentless and teenagers can say and do the more hurtful things. However I’ve had lots of advice from people who have been through this stage and come out the other side, and I hold on to that and hope we will have a positive relationship in the future. In the meantime we can only do our best, whilst still trying to look after ourselves in the process.

For them that have never been through it will never know what its like.
I love my 2 children dearly but i dont like the pepole they have become.

Get past the teen years and it will all be over im still waiting, my two are 23, and 21 their adults not kids not teens.
I dont know whitch was worse.

I have gone though the teen age hell years how i got through it baffles me still,
they are now grown up and still cheeky still argue.

When my youngest said they was moving out at 18 i was thrilled to have some peace, to finally not have the drama around or the walking on eggshells.

Ive had some happy times when they was little they had the best in life i could give them.

Now i only get a call maybe twice amonth or if there is drama visits the same, and tbh i dread the visits i know that sounds awful.
We was very close to eachother when they was growing up, as the teen years hit it all change we are not close at all.

I would never say it in real life but they are very selfish never wrong and always someone elses fault.
They all work good jobs, but act like they own the work place, all live in different towns from me and im pleased.
I was on meds at one point in life as i could not cope, my mental health took a bashing for years.
Im human i have feelings aswell.
To go though it all again not a chance.
Being a parent and going through what i have has changed me as a person.
And aged me dearly.

Im now in the start of moving to cornwall about 300 miles from where i am, for a fresh start for me.
To have some life back while i can, at 58 i have checked out.

I hope your move goes well.

What consequences do you give them for behaviour like that? Just curious.

You say your DD says some horrible things to you. What do you do when this happens? How do you respond?