Separation anxiety and awful drop offs - help! 🙏🏻

[Dazedanddiscombobulated]

My son 4 has never been great at drop offs and we thought he’d grow out of it but it just hasn’t happened. With school looming does anyone have any tips for this?

He’s been at nursery 4 days a week since he was one and at the beginning of this year we started splitting his care across two settings, 2 days in each. The new one is an outdoor setting and we thought he’d love it plus give him some practice at a new environment before school.

It’s been 4 months now and he still has to be peeled off me every morning at both settings. Some mornings aren’t as bad and I can tell that it’s partly performance of habit, other mornings he is genuinely upset. We also have lots of anxiety fuelled meltdowns around getting socks and wellies on and getting out the door (he has some sensory issues around clothes anyway).

The thing is, he settles really quickly when I’ve left and when I collect him he’s full of smiles and tells me he’s had a great day. I know he doesn’t pine during the day at all, it’s all about the moment of separation. He just is quite attached to me and partner and really doesn’t like us leaving him anywhere. (He’s an only child).

Strategies and tips gratefully received.

Keep drop off as short and emotionally upbeat as possible. Keep your own behaviour light and cheerful. Do not engage in lengthy embraces or discussions.
Just a quick hug, "See you later!" and GO. The professionals can't start their magic until the parent departs, and the majority of kids are fine within 30 seconds of their parent leaving. By this stage, it's habit, so you have to promote the New Normal. If you're already doing this, keep doing it.

This!
No faffing about. Hug, have a nice day, and LEAVE.
If you can, get dad to do drop offs for a while. Unless he does the same with him.

Same as PP, since you know he is fine once he's through the transition.

Has either setting tried giving him a 'job' to do right as he gets in? For some DC, if they go straight to 'helping get out the blocks' or whatever, it kind of moves them straight to 'settled at nursery', skipping the 'saying goodbye is hard' phase.

What sorts of sensory issues with clothes, other than struggling with socks (very common – seamless ones help quite a few people, also try tighter or looser versions, and super-soft ones like bamboo)? Do you think the wellies are a problem in and of themselves, or is it the socks in the wellies? Anything you can do to ease the sensory discomfort will increase his capacity to cope with other things.