Ex drives dangerously with our child during contact, what can I do?

[Prudeyy]

Hi,
My STBX drives a crazy fast sports car and is an inconsiderate jerk in it. Speed limits mean nothing, other road users shouldn’t be there etc. He looks after our youngest every other weekend and every time they come home and report road rage behaviours, including speeding over 100mph (not even on the motorway!) cars honking him, him honking at others, risky overtaking etc. I've asked him to be careful with others in the car, our adult children have as well, but we're ignored. He owns the road. He only responds to professionals because image is everything.

I see this as a safeguarding issue . Does anyone have any experience of this kind of thing during separation? Can safeguarding teams force him to put a black box equivalent in his car? I shouldn’t be the one to monitor him obviously because what he does and where he goes should be private (not that that stops him tracking me). Anyone got any advice? Right now, I don’t want my child to get in the car with him. But if I do that, my child will go ballistic, threaten to never tell me anything again, and he will claim parental alienation.

Firstly, stop him tracking you. Hiw is he doing it?

I would treat this as a safeguarding concern, but I would try to keep it very factual and evidence-based rather than getting drawn into arguments with him.

I would start keeping a contemporaneous log of exactly what your child reports: dates, journeys, what was said, any specific speeds/locations, road rage incidents, risky overtaking, who else heard it, and whether your adult children have witnessed similar behaviour. If there are specific incidents involving dangerous driving, I would consider reporting those to the police, particularly if your child can identify roads, times or locations.

I don’t know whether safeguarding could force a black box, but they could potentially speak to him, assess the risk, and make expectations clear around safe transport. If there are court proceedings or a child arrangements order, I would also raise it through your solicitor/the court as a welfare issue and ask for a proportionate direction, for example that he must transport the child safely, comply with road laws, and not expose them to road rage or dangerous driving.

I would avoid simply stopping contact unless there is an immediate risk, because as you say that could be spun against you. But I would not ignore it either. I’d frame it as: “I support contact, but I cannot ignore repeated reports of unsafe driving with our child in the vehicle.”

You can also reassure your child that they are not in trouble for telling you, that you are not asking them to police Dad, and that adults/professionals need to deal with safety concerns.

He owns the family car and can track me on the car’s app. I’ve already contacted their support and they say they can’t turn if off because it’s his car. I’m not too worried about it because he’s moved a long way away and has a girlfriend now. But it does leave a nasty feeling. Planning on buying myself a car next month and he can do what he wants with the family one.

Is there a usual route he speeds along? I had to report a persistent drunk driver the police took her details her car details usual routes etc and didn't go out of there way but one time they were passing and pub was closing they pulled her and she was way over the limit

Can you put a tracker on your child’s phone that will show up speeds? Then you’ll have evidence if it’s really scary

it sounds worrying but it seems that your ex hasn’t had an accident or lost his licence?

I'm not very technical but is there some sort of app you could install on child's phone to monitor this?

When he picks up your dc ring the police. I reported my exh for drink driving.. He wasn't so cocky riding a pedal bike to work for 2 years when he lost his licence and I divorced him.

Life 360 will record driving

Don’t know how, but he’s only got a few speeding points and used to moderate his driving a bit when I was in the car.

Thanks, will look into this.