Struggling with my seven year old's behaviour and possible ADHD

[CinnamonBunny90]

Little backstory, my 7 yr old Daughter is currently going through the stages of a ADHD diagnosis but I am at the end of my tether!
Today school dragged me into the office and explained how she had hit another child. I don’t condone this at all and am extremely strict with her but I don’t know what else I can do, If someone says something to her or does something she doesn’t like she just hits out. We have told her to walk away and take a few breaths or just tell the teacher.
Back at xmas she was extremely bad so school put a plan in place and it worked fine until the easter holidays once she was back in school the daily phone calls or ‘can we have a word’ started again. We explain how bad her behaviour is and she always says sorry & is understandable but its like a mist takes over. School has now threatened suspension if one more incident happens.
Her teacher is newly qualified and spent most the year off sick so she has had Sub teachers alot, which stresses her out as she likes routine, there is 30 kids in her class and it seems to be the same 3-4 kids she hits, but she now has a name for herself and parents have been cruel, slagged me off on the playground for my parenting and excluded her from parties etc which I totally understand because who wants a child there who hits or who wants to invite a child who is hitting their child but I do feel alot of the parents don’t understand and think I let her get away with it when its quite the opposite. I have spent all night crying as I am just starting my career (I spent my 20s being a mum) and feel like this is time for me to earn good money & make something of myself but fear I will have to quit to homeschool.
I don’t even know why I have ranted on here but I’m lost, Ive lost friends because of her, don’t have much support from family members due to their busy schedules and just feel like Im constantly fighting for her but getting angry she wont help herself!

I would call a meeting and ask the school what they are doing to support her SEND needs. Have they done any interventions around emotional literacy? Social stories about what she can do if she’s overwhelmed? Who is her trusted adult at school? Has she got a safe space to go to?

Get in touch with Sendiass for further support. I hope your daughter gets the help she needs.

The school have lots of things in place for her, where she can have fidget toys, has a special card so can leave the classroom when overwhelmed and a feelings book but because her teacher is barely there and its subs all this is not being put in place. She has one teaching assistant who she can trust who is wonderful and thinks alot of my daughter but she works Tuesday- Friday so Mondays tend to be when incidents happen. it also doesn’t help that the parents of the children my daughter hits out at are best friends with a few of the teachers so I feel there is a huge conflict of interest in that department. I have attended multiple courses on emotional regulation, how to handle it etc which at home is great its just school thats the problem.
I just don’t want her missing out on any education

It's really hard when you feel like a pariah at the school gates. Ironically we may actually be spending more hours parenting our children than are spent by the parents who assume that we just need to say "no" more often and the child will comply. Well theirs do, so surely all kids just need the same?

I would suggest that you try to find some real life support. You may spot other parents in similar situations at the school gates. If you have any parenting groups locally for children with adhd, autism etc it may be worth trying them as they can be useful for emotional support as well as information. For example the national autistic society have information about the school's legal responsibilities on their website.

I don’t see other parents as I have a agreement with the school to pick up 25 mins early to avoid other parents due to them waiting for me outside the gates and had a full on grown man waiting for me when I was alone. I’m not sure what other parents are going through but have looked into groups and their is nothing in my area. what I dont understand is she goes to football twice a week, beavers and holiday club and we have no trouble it just seems to be in school and its the same handful of children she is clashing with. We looked at moving her schools but only one was available in our area and they said no to her due to the head teacher saying she is very fidgety and wouldn’t suit the school so Im at a loss

Are the school starting the process for an ehcp? I would give sendiass a call in your area to ask for advise. I did end up with my child at home for a while until we found the right school. Yes it can affect careers. Obviously your daughter is not lashing out on purpose and is becoming overwhelmed I expect. The school need to be acting before she gets to that point I would think? However if she doesn’t have a ehcp it must be difficult for them to provide 1-1 if it is needed. There must be local Sen groups in your area finding parents that understand is key.