12 week old barely sleeps & cries so much not sure what to do?

[Stardust127]

Evening

my baby is now 12 weeks old and she doesn’t really sleep. She has naps but only a couple a day and those are never any longer than an hour, and she does sleep at night with one wake up at 3am for a feed. But her sleep at night is never deep sleep. She’s tossing and turning and fussing constantly. It’s hard to switch off from and sleep myself. She is combi fed due to insufficient weight gain and tongue tie which has now been sorted out. The poor weight gain was to do with the tongue tie - she’s fine now.

she cries so much, because she gets herself into a vicious cycle of being so tired that she’s crying and then hungry but too tired and full of tears to feed. Particularly breastfeed. We do end up having to give her full bottles a lot of the time rather than a breastfeed because she just cannot latch due to being so frantic.

I have a toddler who absolutely contributes to this situation but I can’t leave her upstairs to sleep while I’m with him downstairs because she sleeps so lightly that I’d be up and down every few minutes to pop her dummy back in or soothe her and then my toddler would follow me up and make noise or I’d make him wait downstairs and he’d scream. But there are days when there’s not much noise or any contributing factors and she’s the same.

has anyone else been in this situation who can please advise? I don’t really know what to do. She’s my 3rd child but none of my others were like this.

thank you x

ETA - we do give her gripe water regularly (within the limits) for colic/trapped wind and it helps a little but she still ends being the same as mentioned above. We’ve given her calpol at times thinking it might be she’s in pain due to wind or maybe teething but that has zero effect either

On my third baby and they were all like this. It's bloody awful and hard work but you are doing your best. Ask for help. Low demand. Everyone fed no one dead tucked up in bed! X

I just let them be stuck on the boob. Or occasional bottle. You are in the trenches x

My DD2 had a very bad tongue tie and was a terrible sleeper (hence my username). She had also been breech so we took her to an osteopath (not a cranial osteopath, but a full osteopath). She did always seem to sleep better after the sessions - i was very sceptical at first but it did work for us.

When was the tongue tie divided? It also took us a long time for DD2 to relearn how to feed - i would say well over 8weeks (we ended up with a second referral to the speech and language feeding team), so also dont underestimate how long things might take to settle.

Does the toddler go to nursery? I actually kept DD1 going FT whilst I was on mat leave, just so I could be focused on DD2, supporting her sleep / feeding / routines. Is this an option for you? I did basically spend 6months of my mat leave just contact napping / watching box sets.

Its tough, hopefully you start to get some better sleep soon.

Unfortunately sounds very normal, and you've had it lucky before. Does toddler not go to childcare? I'd get them in nursery a few mornings to get a break, and for their socialising etc. What about if you go out with baby in a carrier or pram, will she sleep then, whilst you take your toddler to the playground? Or use a carrier in the house? Mine never napped on her own upstairs during the day, not til she was about 14 months old. And wear earplugs or noise cancelling headphones at night! That is incredible if she only has 1 feed at night, that is unusual. Mine never napped much even at that age, maybe 2-3 naps of 30-45 mins.