How different/ difficult is it going from two children to three?

[Biosblbay]

I am not expecting but I really want to have another baby in a year or two, maybe even a fourth! My children are currently 3.5 and a 10 month old baby. I have had some people say that going from two to three is not much different and I have got past the hardest stage of going from one to two, however some others have said that going from two to three is a rough change and can be extremely challenging, especially if a middle child is involved. My husband is very happy with two; even number, we have one of each, things start to cost more, especially holidays, and then there’s the issue with trying to fit in a car, but I am more leaning towards wanting another.

I would love to hear it from those that have three children! I know you love your children no matter what and probably chose to have three, but is this really a tough change? Be honest!

My sister has three kids and loves them more than anything, however she always says to me to stick with two and be happy!

I have 4 children. For me, going from 0 to 1 child was definitely the hardest! Everything in my life changed. 2- 3 made very little difference, I knew what I was doing by then and was totally on board with the career parenting gig.

Like peat I found 0 - 1 the most overwhelming and life changing by a long chalk.

1 - 2 wasn't a problem and 2 - 3 just fitted right in.

However, I think it depends hugely on what the child is like. My most challenging one was dc1. The other 2 were a piece of cake.

2-3 much easier for me than 1-2 once I’d dealt with the practical logistics - car, bedrooms, etc.

I also think my three get on better for not being in twos (there’s less of the one on one bickering).

but we have no family support and the who goes where and does what logistics is mentally exhausting. I love it but it’s not for everyone. If there’s any chance one partner is a less than involved parent, it will make it so much harder.

I found 1-2 the hardest. 2-3 and 3-4 was pretty straightforward as I’d learnt to juggle!

I expect as above its depends on the child.
I went from 1 to 3 so cant comment personally as obviously was harder. When I had my dt, 2 mums at school had their 3rd one found it no big change the other really struggled. Looking from the outside the temperament of the dc i think was the biggest difference.

I have 4. 1 was hard going from 1 to 2 really hard. After that it got easier they kind of just slotted in

No one slotted in here! I found 0 to 1 hardest. 1 to 2 much easier and 2 to 3 pretty tricky. I agree DC temperament made the most difference though.

Three DC is exactly what I wanted but it's definitely hard carving out enough time for each of them individually now they are beyond the baby stage (mine are 7 to 11 yo). The logistics are harder with everything when they all have activities at the same time but only 2 parents or holiday places are geared up to families of 4. I have less dc free time than if I had only 2 DC.

I'm also quite aware that I'm probably not quite as good at parenting in terms of patience, playing games I don't really want to do, remembering to help with school reading etc than I was with DC 1. I often feel guilty about this but I underestimated the parenting burden of 3 DC beyond the really early years. (DC1 was only 4 when DC3 arrived).

My other friends mostly have 2 DC so dc never has an equivalent friend each when we socialise

Having said all of that, when we are a happy gang of 5, it feels my heart right up.

0-1 hard
1-2 harder (2 under 2!)
2-3 much easier

Awaiting number 4 and hoping they will slot in no problem - I have a 5yr age gap this time round which is v different!

I have 3. The change from 1-2 was infinitely harder than 2-3. When the third comes along, you’re already used to splitting your attention and dealing with more than one child at a time.

That said, the cost increase is more from 2-3 than it was from. 1-2. This is because so much is priced on a family of 4 already, so often you don’t pay any extra as a family of 4 than you did as a 3, but 5 gets complicated. Some holidays you need an extra room.

I can’t comment on the number of kids being easier/harder parenting wise, but it’s a lot more expensive.

Im the youngest of three and my dad had a great job, I had a great childhood and we went abroad regularly (eurocamp, south of France, Portugal, Greece etc) and didn’t worry about money but my dad (an accountant) said the cost going from 2-3 was huge. It’s not 1 child = £1 so 3 children = £3.

Family holidays become so much more expensive because “children” cost full adult prices now from quite a young age. You need a larger car, a larger house (or accept kids sharing rooms which doesn’t kill anyone!) and general day to day costs (food) will be more. Then there’s kids clubs - we played instruments (violin, guitar, clarinet) played sports (many many sports) and did musicals, football summer camps, tennis camps etc. Nevermind the cost - how do you choose who to drop off where with 3? My mum was a miracle worker making it work - but she stayed off work until I was 8 and we had cousins the same age. For example, I’d stay at my aunts some Saturdays and go horse riding Sunday mornings with my cousin. My brother and other cousin went to summer football camps together, so logistically it got easier. Other people with three children in present day can enlighten you on spreading time/costs and only you know your priorities as a parent (good parents don’t have to buy their kids a car, pay for uni or house deposit) but you might have envisioned that and as the third child - it makes a a big difference financially having a third teenager (and I worked from age 15 😂)

When I read threads on here of those reaching out for help and/or those that are struggling, for me what stands out is that they more often than not have 3 dc. So that speaks volumes to me. I wouldn’t dare have a third. Two is perfect imo. But that’s just me…

Its easier than 1 to 2.

(To be clear - I did not get help with car, house deposit, uni or wedding due to health/work issues for my dad as I hit GCSEs and he still works now in his 70s which is how I know great parents don’t HAVE to help with those things!)

2 - 3 was really hard for me, probably because of the personalities of my DC. DC2 was a good sleeper and an easy baby, whereas DC3 was a terrible sleeper - by far the worst of the three - and a really tricky toddler. Then three teens is also tricky at times. Mine are all sporty, which is great, but it means that DH and I spent a lot of time taking them to training and matches. Teens are really expensive too!

I love them all to bits but it would have been much easier to stop at two.

I found 2-3 far, far easier than 1-2. We have slightly bigger gap than ‘the norm’ and would 100% recommend, especially if ( like me ) you’d like 4 DC. We had 2, three years apart- perfect but slightly chaotic then almost 5 years and had DC3, the gap has been an absolute game changer. I’ve enjoyed having a third SO much and I think the bigger gap has had a huge part to play in that. We are currently TTC no.4! So will have an almost three year gap again, if we fall pregnant soon! 🙏🏼

I have a soon to be 3 year old in June and due with my second in early November (probably will come mid November though because my first son came extra late😅)

DH and I always wanted 3 kids, DH actually originally wanted 4. Now we both want 2 so this will be our last. We adore our son, he makes parenting so easy, he has always slept well (breastfed on demand and co slept, only gave up breastfeeding 2 weeks ago so that helped a lot), a very lovely boy, can be explained too and is cooperative generally (as much as a 2 year old can be), we love spending time with him and our holidays still feel delightful rather than ‘parenting in another country’. Despite being obsessed with him and excited to give him a sibling, we feel that we will be the best parents to two kids for the below reasons:

1. very easy for each parent to spend 1:1 time with each child. This can be alternate Sundays for example, once you add another child this gets complicated.
2. I have really hard pregnancies (hyperemesis gravidarum) and I am basically debilitated for weeks/months. I’ve been guilt ridden this whole pregnancy for my first born. Thankfully my husband has done everything and he really is wonderful but that won’t stop the guilt.
3. holidays! We love holidays and travelling with our son and can’t wait to do it with both of them. Family rooms are always based on a family of 4 and me and my husband don’t want to have to stay in separate rooms and split the kids, that’s hardly a vacation.
4. the 3 car seats scenario. Impossible? No. But easier to fit 2 😂
5. patience and ability to parent how you want. So many people I’ve spoken to had to rethink how they parent the more children they had. We are quite strict with boundaries as we don’t believe in permissive parenting at all or all of the excessive talk about emotions with toddlers who can barely focus on conversation. But we never embarrass them, talk bad about them and we try not to raise our voices etc. I don’t want to be overstimulated all of the time.
6. extra curriculars. If we have to drive two kids to extra curriculars after school at the same time, we can take one each, if we have 3 kids, who drives number 3.

I know all of these things could possibly be worked around but for us, we would rather pour everything into the 2 boys we already have rather than chance having more kids. We have one healthy boy and god willing another healthy boy at the end of this year. A huge blessing and we’re very happy with what we have.

I have three. They’re 12, 5 and 2 right now but I remember feeling so overwhelmed and thinking I’d made a mistake when I was trying to get DD2 ready for preschool and DS wouldn’t stop crying because he was hungry. DD1 was older but also needed constant reminders to sort herself out.

Now they’re older, it’s hard in a different way. They all need entertained in different ways and DS gets dragged around to various activities for DD1 and 2.

Our choice of car is majorly limited. We don’t want any of our children to permanently sit in the boot of the car so we need one with three full seats in the second row. Holidays are so much more expensive with three because they’re mostly set up for 2 adults and 2 children.

Our DS is such an amazing addition to our family. He’s the sweetest boy and his big sisters adore him but our family set up is carnage 99% of the time.

I have three, with a 22m gap both times. It’s wonderful.

For me, the jump from 1-2 felt the most difficult. I found the adjustment to being outnumbered quite difficult at first. Plus, my husband’s job meant that he was away in the evenings much more than he had been when the eldest was a newborn - so some of it was probably circumstantial.

2-3 wasn’t an issue at all. I was already outnumbered so didn’t find it a challenge. I think the youngest is my most relaxed and “easy” baby, though I know I’m also a much more relaxed parent so I guess that has an impact.

@Thuraya17 makes some reasonable arguments for sticking at two, but make sure you think about your own personality and family setup. For example, she might find it hard to parent more than children, but that’s a personal thing. I wouldn’t have had more children if I’d have felt I would have to compromise my parenting in some way.

I think 3 is hard, but also lovely. Cars, holidays etc have to be thought through. And 1:1 time is hard to come by, which I do think negativity impacts children. Husband and I divide and conquer at weekends but of course one of us always has 2. Clubs, parties, etc mean the other kids are dragged around. I think it becomes more difficult as they get older too. Helping one with their 11+ exam whilst their sibling is potty training under the table. It's hard work, utterly crazy, very expensive, but I love it.

Number 3 I found the easiest. (All 3 were under 4).
The younger 2 could entertain eachother for a short while whilst I fed baby etc.
They're all super close, it's wonderful.
For us, 3 is perfect.
But, it's SO much more expensive.
Holidays cost a fortune now, not many places accommodate 5, so sometimes need 2 rooms.
4 bedroom house costs way more than a 3.
Need a big car, with 3 proper sized seats.
Everything is X3, so a £4 magazine I wouldn't think anything of, but £12 I would.
Clubs as well - not just the money, the logistics of getting there.

I agree this is personality dependant, I find parenting has come really naturally to me and I genuinely love being a mum. I think it’s that I wouldn’t ever want that to change and maybe if I have 3 kids I might be quite overwhelmed like a lot of mums I talk to. Regardless, if someone feels that 3,4,5 kids etc is super manageable for their personality, finances, free time etc I think go for it. Kids are so wonderful and being a mum is the best thing in the whole world. I’m stopping at 2 because of all of our things but for another family 4 would be great.

My husband is 1 of 6 and his mum loved having 6. I’m 1 of 2 and my mum loved having 2. Everyone knows their capacity and how their family will work best.

I have 4. It was never the plan but I love it.

0-2 (twins) was a huge adjustment
2-3 felt fine as babies but harder as young children (silly things like being outnumbered at theme parks was annoying). Even so, there is just over 2 years between my oldest 3 and they are forming an amazing bond.
3-4 has so far felt easy, baby has just slotted in.

1 to 2 is the hardest emotionally I think, but anything from there is fairly easy. I have 15 months between 2 and 3 and so my mindset was if I'm changing one nappy, two isn't a big deal. They napped at the same time, but that was a bit trickier when 2 stopped napping as so did 3, but it was fine. We have 6 now, so it can't have been that bad!