I chose the wrong man to have a child with. I didn’t think that was the case at the time obviously. I thought we would work before it all unravelled. But here I am. I’m not looking for advice on the relationship. It failed. I saw him for who he was and left the country.
for most part he has left us alone - he visited a couple of times when my son was born to try to make the relationship work and for me to return, but when that wasn’t happening left us alone for 5 months.
his mother then showed up at our doorstep trying to see baby with no communication but we weren’t there thankfully. He then sent a few emails asserting his “freestanding rights as a father” and demanding that he celebrates his first bday with him. Absurd. He has informed me his houses are ready and wanted my baby (10 months) to come to his country to spend time with him and his family. I shooed him away by asking that we have a conversation about ongoing contributions - he hasn’t paid a single penny towards my child’s expenses to date. Nor anything towards medical expenses when I was pregnant. I have picked up every bill and didn’t intend on asking him for money. But it seemed like a good way to bring to his attention that rights come with responsibilities. I think he’ll die before paying money towards a child who doesn’t live with him but let’s see. Until now there’s only been silence since my email mentioning it 3 weeks ago.
anyway I want to know - from anyone with experience in a similar situation - what is the best outcome for my son. Him leaving us alone and never seeing him again; him visiting and building a bond but it’s an almost 10 hour flight so how often will he come. I obviously don’t intend on blocking him before seeing my son but honestly I feel like he’ll only impart bad values. He lied about being married before to me, kept me waiting while he took his time - 5 months - to come up with a prenup draft which he insisted was necessary. In the meantime, he didn’t show up for one pre natal appointment. He didn’t care I lived alone without any family in his country until 8 months pregnant. He only changed tack and did everything required when I informed him I was leaving. It was all too late.
anyway what’s the best case here. Should I just try to keep him away or should I try to involve him for my son’s sake.