Supervised contact parent giving gifts then taking them away.

[Esmeraldathe3rd]

Ex had his first contact with DS at a public play center supervised by a family member. He brought DS gifts including a helium balloon, DS opened them, they played, then DS wasn't allowed the gifts or the balloon and ex took them back home.

He doesn't currently have a home suitable for DS and we're not sure when that is. But at the very least it's going to be months before DS is able to go to his home.

Why buy a kid gifts that he can't have. All you've done is upset him.

I know some people say well the mum might not allow them, might throw them away, he wants them to be played with at his house.

1. We were never asked if we'd allow gifts. 2. There's never been suggestion we wouldn't or that DS wouldn't be able to play with gifted toys at home. He's been gifted plenty of things from family that is obviously kept at home. Surely you would buy gifts that you're happy for the kid to keep. 3. The fucking balloon even?!

Oh, contact is supercised because of concerns over exes behaviour including emotional abuse of DS. The concern is this is a pattern of behaviour. Not a one off that could be overlooked in an otherwise good parent.

Wouldn't this be further proof of emotional abuse?

I agree, sounds like further evidence of emotional abuse – keep records, simple, factual, keeping your emotions out of it as much as possible. Note the effects on DS as well as what happened.

Definitely a continuation of the emotional abuse. He must be both arrogant and thick to think he can get away with this sort of schenanigans. Record and report absolutely everything.

@Esmeraldathe3rd just fyi and as pp's have said, your supervisor (family member) should be taking notes, the ex's behaviour does not seem to be conducive to your child's emotional well-being.

2. Family or Friend Supervision
If the supervisor is a mutually agreed-upon family member or friend, they can verbally challenge the father or redirect the conversation to protect the child.

However, because personal relationships can make this intimidating, they should focus on keeping notes of what is said and reporting it immediately to the social worker or legal team.

Thank you all. That's what I thought but family court has way of making you question if you're going crazy.

Unfortunately the CAFCAS officer has lapped it all up so I'm facing an uphill battle up until her everyone had advised me to keep him completely away even telling me if I didn't id be reported myself for failing to protect him. And now it's "but he didn't actually kill him when he threatened to so what are you worried about?". It's insane the ins and outs of it. The family member supervising has previously been threatened by ex but is also the only person I have that is able to stand up for DS or handle being alone with ex. Family member is concerned about intervening and causing violence in front of DS because obviously, everyone but ex is most concerned about DS.

Ex also refused to acknowledge the end time and kept delaying handover and refusing to return DS which made it harder for DS, it would have been better if when the end time came ex said goodbye and left while DS stayed but he wouldn't so family member had to remove DS. Ex has always tried to make handovers hard, I think he likes DS crying because it makes him feel loved.

Would a contact centre be a better option?

It's pretty crap of him but TBH I would stay out of it. Bring DS to contact, be punctual for pick up and do not engage emotionally with ex if you see him. Just be neutral and polite.

It is for the contact supervisor and the judge to decide whether ex's parenting and treatment of DS during contact is suitable, rather than you. If you're wanting to vent that's fair, but try to make it clear in the OP otherwise you'll get loads of advice/judgements from people about whether or not ex's behaviour is acceptable, and TBH you need to disengage in order to keep yourself sane. The more you torture yourself with what is going on in sessions the less you will be available to help DS deal with the emotional aftermath of sessions.

I'm sorry. It's really shit to watch your child be emotionally abused by their other parent and not be able to do anything about it. X

There is no contact supervisor, it is a family member. I am the only person standing between my son and a man that has threatened to kill him, has a record of abusing women and multiple accusations of paedophilia. But ya know, he cries, so "poor bloke, what a victim."

This evidence of emotional abuse and or grooming. Report it.

I wanted a contact center, he wanted unsupervised overnights while refusing a CAFCAS home visit. So we "compromised" at family supported contact.

That doesn't mean it can't be revisited if it's not in your DC's best interests

Ok so second contact session went much worse. He shouted at the supervising family member over the suggested method of handover. Which I had already raised eit this solicitor a week ago. Brought up the court case and called me an arsehole in from our son. He also pressured DS to kiss him despite DS repeatedly saying no. Sat on his phone most of the time and then ended the session early. This is a fucking joke quite frankly .

Honestly? I'd take him back to court. His behaviour isn't acceptable. Especially not in front of your son.