Six-week-old fighting sleep and no local support, feeling overwhelmed

[ProudSeal]

FTM to a 6 week old, feeling completely at my wit’s end and looking for any ideas to make this even a fraction more manageable.

• I live a 5 hr train ride from family and friends so DH and I don’t have any support close by
• My baby massively fights sleep to the point she has just been awake for 5 hours. I look for sleepy cues, try settling her (white noise, dark room, etc.) but recently it just doesn’t work and she gets completely hysterical. Hours of crying/screaming before she tires herself out and pretty much passes out from the exhaustion.
• I try everything to calm her: bouncing on a ball, walking around the house, bathing her, baby wrap, change of room, skin to skin, etc. Feeding used to help calm her but now she just screams at my nipple.
• She won’t take a dummy. I am EBF and want to pump so my DH can feed her occasionally so I can try and get some sleep. She won’t take a bottle but we’re persevering
• I tried co sleeping and it didn’t work either - just more screaming

I am just feeling completely overwhelmed with it all. I’m completely exhausted and find the hours of pacing/bouncing/screaming completely miserable when I’ve had about 3 hours of broken sleep a night. Grateful for any ideas please

The most common reason a baby of that age cries is from hunger. Is she having plenty of wet and dirty nappies? Have you had her weighed?

At this point, with such an unsettled baby, I would forget trying to give her a bottle. Instead, feed her frequently from the breast. If she’s screaming at the nipple, is she struggling to latch on? Has she been checked for tongue tie. Can you feel your milk let down?

Tomorrow you should have a chat with the Health Visitor and try and get some answers.

I agree with the PP, does feeding calm her? I think my children were still cluster feeding at that age.

I think at that age my babies would start feeding at 7pm ish and be on and off the breast until 11pm

6 weeks might be around the time that being over tired becomes a problem, maybe helping her to sleep earlier in the day might make the night times a bit easier.

Re bottles, don’t try them when she’s angry. You might need to try a few different brands to find one that suits.

Thank you. She’s having lots of wet nappies and multiple poos per day. She’s tracking on 80th percentile for weight and height so I don’t think it’s hunger. She feeds a lot on demand and then gets to a point where she’s so overtired she rejects the breast which up to this week was a sure fire way of getting her to sleep.

Feeding calms her when she’s not overtired but once she starts fighting sleep, she becomes frustrated at the breast: coming on and off, screaming at my nipple, etc. It usually follows a period of cluster feeding so I know she’s had enough milk.

She has a good number of day time naps (usually contact naps or in a sling), so I’m hoping this is just a fussy phase and i might get a smidge of sleep again soon!

Hi there, this sounds so tough. It could be worth looking into a few things. Could this be a case of reflux and discomfort that comes with it?
Also, 6 weeks can be the time of a very unsettled period, peaking around 12 weeks I believe. Look up Purple Crying. It’s really rough but passes in time.

Poor you, OP!

I made all of my mistakes with dd and let my other two cosleep with me as it was the only way that I could sleep too. I pushed the bed against the wall, put them in a grobag and just had a single blanket for me. I'd keep a light on they would just feed and sleep during the night, I'd lie on my side to feed them.

Do check for tongue tie. And make sure you have plenty of snacks by your bed.

Mine lived in a ring sling during the day, it helped them to sleep and gave me both of my hands free.

Very often when a baby won’t settle, we try everything we can think of to get them to sleep. Sometimes putting them safely into their cot and making a cup of tea, or whatever, gives both of you a break. There’s so much pressure on us to stop a baby crying, that it’s easy to get upset when nothing works. When nothing has worked, what do you do? Getting stressed and upset is natural but realistically it’s not helping either of you.

A baby safely put down for five minutes will not come to any harm. I used to put my DS down and hoover the room. It calmed us both down.

I second reading up on ‘purple crying’. No, it doesn’t mean your baby actually turns purple. It is just a description of a miserable crying period in babies this age.
Hand hold and good luck. It will pass. It just might take a while.

https://www.whattoexpect.com/first-year/care/purple-crying

Yes I agree, sometimes you have to do the sleepy routine and put them in the cot, shush and pat and then just leave and go and get a cup of tea or have a few moments to breathe, hurriedly drink some water and stress eat something
They will be OK and often they cry from overtiredness and may settle. Sometimes mine just needed space and time in own cot.
Hang in there you're doing great.
You could always bundle her up and ask dh to go push her round the block, sometimes the cool night air is a bit of a reset.

Try Bibs brand dummies and Mam bottles they were the only ones that my breastfed babies took. When she's happy you can try the bottle, warm the milk so it's more appealing. I also read the ready to feed formula is most similar to breast milk (?) I had success with Kendamil organic as it's whole milk.
Do you think it could be silent reflux?

My baby is 6.5 weeks old and I am going through this fussy phase, I had the same with my DD at this age too. It's hard but the last day or so have seen more sleep and just a couple of shorter periods of fussiness so it does get better with time. I second a walk with the pram when baby won't settle during the day, promotes sleep and some fresh air for you. But otherwise just sending you positive thoughts that baby comes out the other side of this soon. Take care of yourself and give yourself a break when you need it, if baby will be crying anyway there's no difference in the cot to in your arms if it means you get a (much deserved) cuppa!!!

https://www.babydoc.com.au/faq/colic-bore-your-baby-to-sleep/

This article gives an excellent overview about newborn behaviour, overtiredness and crying. Hope it helps.

I forced naps by taking baby out in the pram and just walking until three crying stopped if over tired. Fed, clean nappy, right clothing for weather, into pram. Take a book and a can of iced coffee/get a take away from somewhere!

Where is your Dh in all of this? At that age, the babies went to Dh as soon as he walked in the door from work. I had a shower and went to bed asap. Dh had them all evening, did bathtime, got them dressed for bed, brought them to me for feeds and then took them away again until about 1am, so I could sleep. Then we switched and I took over mostly from 1am, but it meant I started the night with about 5 hours of sleep already broken up by feeds so made the rest of the night more manageable.

I cannot recommend enough persisting with co-sleeping. Even if baby is screaming and won’t sleep, if you are at the end of your tether, you can lie down and baby will be safe. At this stage, I needed the whole bed to myself. Dh slept on the sofa or a mattress on the floor.

Set up safe cosleeping for day and night. Then you can nap with her. Ideally just you and baby on a double mattress. Persist with it as youll be able to get much more sleep and it’s much safer to lie on a bed then sit on a sofa and fall asleep, and baby gets trapped. Don’t worry about bottle or pumping for now.

If you're able to (not in any physical discomfort etc) then stick her in a carrier and go for a walk. Stop trying to force sleep if she doesn't want to sleep. If she falls asleep at the breast or in the carrier, great, let her sleep. But if you've tried feeding/rocking/bouncing etc and she's still inconsolable, go outside and let her look around. A change of scene will probably be enough to jolt her out of it.

Afternoons/evenings with a 6-12 week old were very difficult for us too.

2 things that helped us:

A yoga ball is the best and cheapest thing, helps with the bouncing with less straining.

A good rocking nursing chair. I practically lived in it. Good back support while giving a nice swing.

It all sorted by 12-16 weeks.