Anyone else finding mum friendships harder as children grow and needs differ?

[Newsenmum]

Does anyone else feel like theyre really struggling with friends atm? I struggled to make mum friends as a new mum back in 2020 because covid happened and I’d moved to a new area. That was seriously tough but then as time went on I met people out and about, groups and parks and things. Took ages but I made connections.
My first child is autistic and lots of things are very challenging which also limited who I could mix with and where we could go but I still found some people. Then I had a second child similar time to a few other people which really helped! We were finally able to catch up when my oldest started school.

Now they seem to be fading away. My youngest hasstarted nursery part time so there are limited times to do playdates. When I have both children it’s not possible.

Thete’s been the odd time where dates have lined up but it’s always me pushing for it and they dont really get back to me. One of them I didn’t see loads but we used to message heaps and it just doesnt happen anymore. She just doesnt really reply. We literally used to send memes constantly to each other (her more than me so I dont think I annoyed her 😂) but even that has cooled off.

I think a lot of it is the fact everyone is busy and it’s genuinely hard practically atm. It’s also difficult because my oldest child has sen so life is becoming more and more different and maybe that’s why? It makes me feel really sad.

Ive met some other sen parents which helps but they all live random locations not close and its hard to meet as all different needs. Im trying to make more effort as I think maybe sen parents have more in common with me, but everyone is so different that sen is our only thing in common. We live in very different areas and lots of social differences for example.

Is this just how it is? I feel so sad when I see groups of mum friends hanging out.

I dont work and that wont change for a few years so maybe that’s thr issue.

I also dont know how much I should try to push meeting up with people or just take the hint theyre not interested.

Same our generation is very time poor. It's sad but true.

It's caused by financially being stretched but yet growing up believing things would be better for us than the previous generation, as it had been for our parents vs their parents and grandparents. Progress has stalled and we are compensating by trading more of our time. Leaving less time for friends and family.

Does it seem quite common then?

My DC are now 16 & 13 and, looking back, there were two key points when friendships evolved, the first was when they started primary and the second was when they went to secondary.
I eventually made several friends through baby groups and we spent loads of time hanging out together at various parks and doing days out to farms or national trust places and things and had a lovely time together. Then, as lived quite close to each other but not in the same village, as the children started school
the mid-week days out couldn’t happen, they were too tired after school and then weekends were packed with seeing family, activities and a lot of birthday parties.
Those friendships were largely replaced with school gate friendships but, when the DC left primary, I realised they were largely based on seeing each other every day at school and having children who got on (or at least tolerated each other).
But what I’ve found is that the friendships that have lasted are really valuable ones. I have the upcoming HT off work but won’t actually be doing much with the DC as DC1 is revising and DC2 attending a sports camp. Each day, I’m seeing a friend for a walk or a coffee or similar. One friend is someone I met at baby massage with DC1. Our DC are still friends having been at nursery, primary & secondary. Another is somone I met through a toddler gymnastics class. I don’t think my DC would recognise her DC! Another is a mum I met when DC2 started school. They’ll be some discussion about the DC - especially as we all have a DC doing GCSEs - but there will be much more chat about all sorts of other things

I've noticed parents of girls/boys and autistic/non-autistic kids separating around late nursery/early primary age, even if the friendships seemed really strong when they were younger. It could be that the parents have other priorities and are not spending much time with anyone, or that they are spending their limited time and attention on others.
Either way, hopefully you can stay open to meeting new people and give new friendships a chance to develop.

Thank you I wonder how/when I’ll meet others

I think so. My mum appeared to have loads of leisure time during motherhood. Whilst I was at school she did courses, things like painting, flower arranging, step aerobic - used to go with other mums. I absolutely don't have time to do anything relaxing

I’m struggling to make new friends tbh and am quite lonely.

I have friends but they are dotted all over the country as i have moved.

I moved here just before covid. I have made 2 friends.

DC1 started reception this year and i was hoping to meet some other mums but a lot of them already know eachother from preschool and are cliquey.

I found it a lot easier to make friends before having kids.

I am also like you op as i had my first child in 2020 so didn’t get the full experience of mat leave and opportunity to meet people.