How to deal with hormonal 12 year old.

[BellisimaV]

Hi I’am a mum of 3 & my 12 year old daughter is giving me and her dad a very hard time.
Kids misbehave but my daughter is just making our life’s a misery I’m so stressed with it at the moment and I’m at my whits end what too do so any advice would be much appreciated !
Since she started her period her behaviour has become unmanageable I’ve even had a neighbour complain because of slamming doors.
She is very rude too Me & her Dad & 2 brothers.. she is constantly calling us pigs, fat, cows etc .. she’s said she doesn’t want too live with us anymore & live with her Nana because we are such bad parents.
It all starts at weekends when we say we are going out she throws tantrums saying she has nothing to wear .. she went through a stage where she would only wear the one outfit regardless of how many new hoodies etc she had in her drawer .. now she refuses too wear anything she says everything is horrible and she has nothing but she has loads of clothes most which are new … I’ve taken her shopping and told her to choose what she wants and she doesn’t.. ive ordered stuff online she chose & when it was delivered she said it was fat ugly and refused to try any on. She wanted new leggings so I went and bought her 3 pairs and she flips out if I don’t put her old pair of leggings in the wash to be dry for the next morning ( she won’t wear the new ones )
She is causing fall outs within our household because of her behaviour she’s ruining my relationship with partner
The screaming , slamming doors , being nasty too everyone & it’s that bad you can hear it outside in the street.. she wants too sit in her room every weekend all weekend in her pyjamas.
On school days she’s always getting grumpy shouting about her hair not sitting right but no where near as bad as at the weekend.
Im at the point I’m thinking of contacting the doctors for advice.
anyone been through similar and have any tips send them my way please.

She sounds really unhappy. I know it’s coming out as attacks but you need to not take it personally and see if you can build some trust with her to boost her morale / confidence.

Does she have any hobbies? Can you explore her joining some clubs?

Can you find something that’s a regular thing you and her can do together just the 2 of you?

I think this is a reflection of something bigger that is coming out about clothes. I agree about her being deeply unhappy. That said, I think it’s a mix of really spending time with them (do you do things solo with her? Really spend time together? Talk, listen, have nights away or days just the two of you? They need that at this age) and on the other hand, not putting up with any shit. No way would mine get to kick off and ruin a day out because she doesn’t like her clothes. She’d be told to buck it up, put some clothes on and join in the day like everyone else is. The expectation is for no foolishness out of her, but I can do that because I otherwise do have a good relationship with her and we do spend one to one time together.

Beyond the above, I cannot say enough about keeping them busy and monitoring their phone use. The ones amongst my dd’s friends who are really struggling are the ones who just sit around and rot on their phones spiralling into depression in their rooms. I keep dd intentionally very busy. She trains at a competitive sport 4 days a week. She now has a PT job a few hours a week on top of that (she’s 13). This is driven by her. She wants to do it, but it’s also strategic. It’s to get her through this rough bit til 15/16 or so. Not everyone is sporty, but everyone has something they love and I do think cultivating that at this age is really important if you want to keep them out of trouble.

How are things at school? Does she have friends?

Is she happy at school? This can be a really rotten age for girls with a lot of shifts and what feels like extra pressures. Taking her to the GP wouldn't be a bad idea if you are concerned about her mental health.

I agree with what others are saying and there is something else at play. The fact it is focussed on clothes and ‘fat’ makes me think she is maybe being bullied. Is she overweight? I went through a stage of being overweight around that age and it made me so unhappy.