Any other single parents feeling overwhelmed and unsupported day to day

[Moodymel]

I just want to see if anyone else feels like me and has the same struggles so I feel less alone, I’m a single mum to two boys one is 14 and one is 7 I had my second knowing I’d be a single parent and my first child I was with his dad for two years, eldest sees his dad every other weekend, youngest I have 24 7, I have siblings, all live in the same village but no offer of help ever or genuine care ie no how are the children nothing, can’t even get a bit of help so I can work like an odd school pick up, so I’m totally alone I’m starting a new part time job next week and have managed to sort childcare ie breakfast club/afterschool club without this I would not be able to work so I’m so grateful,

however I constantly feel overwhelmed and stressed to the point I feel like I’m going to have a heart attack, I feel overwhelmed with the responsibility of life ie financial, care and just keeping up appearances inside I feel like I’m going to explode I dread waking up I love going to sleep I could sleep all day and night if I could!

I had a really bad childhood abusive and neglectful so I do suffer with ptsd and depression, I love my children and am a good mum I do what I can to keep them happy I go without to give to them which I know I should anyway,I make sure the house is nice and they are always clean and tidy I always look like I’m fine, hair done make up on ect but inside I feel like I want to die and I can’t cope I hate the fact I literally have zero family support only the odd text of an update of their life’s like im going on holiday or I’ve achieved this, I’m totally alone and dreading everyday, my boys are good the youngest is full on but I know it’s just his age, sometimes I can’t understand why I feel this way but then maybe it’s burnout as I’ve had to do everything alone and still am it’s just so hard! I’m sick of feeling constantly overwhelmed.

Absolutely! I'm currently after a week of raising my son/working part time from home and am tired. I'm now batch cooking for the week ahead. Im on my own with the whole thing like you, I've family around too but they don't help for whatever reason and I got tired of trying to encourage them. Ya, the whole thing is quite isolating. I currently owe money on my electric bill so I'm spending my day finding stuff I own to sell second hand. I think maybe we should just keep to a good routine and let the madness happen around us!! It is hard though 😁

Hats off to you for having a second. The two of them will appreciate it but I would imagine its extra work too. Just keep remembering the whole thing won't last forever! I find the financial side the toughest personally. Wasn't possible in my case but chase any maintenance owed if you can

It's an incredibly tough job being a single parent with no family support. You sound like you're doing a fantastic job but that it's taking a toll on you. I would make an appointment with your GP and talk through how you're feeling. You may be offered medication, talking therapy and/or social prescribing. If you can find a single parent support group in your area, you might find some like minded friends who understand the challenges you face. Having a few good friends to meet up with, have a laugh with and have a good moan occasionally can make a world of difference.

I know you say you feel alone but try and shift your perspective - you're not alone, you're a team of 3 - all in this together. Don't be afraid to get them mucking in with chores, it will encourage their independence and stand them in good stead for the future. Remember, you are entitled to a life too and can put yourself first sometimes. It's so easy for us mothers to fall into the habit of doing everything, keeping everyone happy and taking on all the hard work.

Thanks for your replies, I feel better knowing I’m not alone it’s nice to hear others feel the same and have these struggles, I’m on antidepressants but they just don’t seem to do much, even today it’s a beautiful day I woke up early got ready but the boys don’t want to go out and if we do go out all they do is moan about walking or moan about everything so it’s pointless, my house is a tip at the minute I’ve let things get out of control, garden looks like a jungle and all I wanted to do was go out for a walk some food and to get out the house but no kids don’t want to!

I love them so much but I do think I’m not cut out for this parent life I think after years of doing it alone it’s finally broke me I feel suffocating and isolated and like my entire existence is just food shop, clean and be a slave I honestly feel like I have no energy or desire so be a mum anymore no one appreciates anything the teenager has ignored me all week only wants money or what’s for dinner and the youngest well his mouth is vile at the minute and all he does is throw tantrums over the slightest things!!!

and I’m roughly £12 k in debt to top it all off, I started a job and now have to pay full council tax and more bills oh what a life it is! Oh well least I’m still breathing, have to be I’ve got housework and dinner to sort, I never imagined I would feel so isolated, lonely and just sad I have a few good friends but i leave them feeling worse one has a great husband and is financially in an amazing position the other is single and goes on dates and has a great job and I’m here stuck in my shit house which is falling to bits I have debts and no help no family as such and am just sick of feeling lonely and poor and depressed!! But hopefully it gets better ie a miracle happens!! But for now il take a nap and see how I feel when I wake up

OP, it is hard being a single parent, especially a lone parent. I don't think many people understand that. Everything falls on you and it is overwhelming. I have been to the doctor a few times asking them what is wrong with my brain that I feel overwhelmed even whilst working part time but I think it is just that single parenting is crazy hard.

I think the expectation others will help needs to go. It makes us resentful and no one at all is obliged to help with your kids except their parents. The 14 year old should be at an age where they can help a bit e.g. take the younger one to the park for a bit to give you a break?

I think routines are a life saver because even though being on autopilot can make you feel detached, jobs just need to get done and having a system works. It eliminates some extra brain stress too

Financially it is rough but lots of people are in that position. I try to be grateful I have a roof over my head and that I will try to earn more in the future.

I have begun congratulating myself on what a good job I'm doing to celebrate the little things and giving myself some slack too, which has helped me reframe my mind from 'i can't cope' to 'you're doing great'. Sounds a bit trite but honestly it has helped. For example, my living room is a mess but my kid is overjoyed we just played 'the floor is lava for half an hour'. If my kid is happy, I'm doing OK.

Why do you have to pay full council tax? I work full time with two primary kids (single parent), and still get the single person 25% discount.

Checking in 🙋‍♀️ single parent to 2 dc one of which is disabled. No siblings of my own and parents are dead. Exdp is in the picture but he's a narcissistic, controlling prick so I try to limit the amount of time they spend with him as much as possible. They hate going there. I am self-employed and run small 2 businesses so I can work around the dc and various hospital appointments. I receive dla for youngest so dont really have to work but I want to be able help them when its time for driving lessons, moving out, going to uni, etc. I also live in a shitty area in HA accommodation and am desperate to move.

I am falling apart at the seams. I don't know whether its overwhelm, burnout, perimenopause, cptsd from a pretty horrific childhood and then abusive relationship, or my own neurodiversity. Probably a combination of all of it. I don't know what the answer is except to keep going and hope it all works out.

It’s very overwhelming

I'm lucky in that my mum will have them overnight once every few weeks and works part time so can do the school run in an emergency, but she lives a few hours away. My ex can't have unsupervised access to our shared kids, and I feel very resentful. Working full time in a stressful senior role, all kids and home/bills, get zero CMS and no child benefit. Therapy has helped and I also try to have positive affirmations daily to stop me falling into a negative place

Thanks for your replies as I feel just reading messages of others helps, I agree definitely I need to stop expecting people to help me and tbf i