Part time dad

[DazedEmma]

Ok this may sound harsh, but as I've said on another thread (can't find it, sorry), my situation is far from ideal. Firstly, my bf run a mile and stopped contact with me when I told him I was pregnant, then he rammed in my face that I was unfair to have kept it from him for so long (i waited till my 12 wk scan) but EVENTUALLY now I'm 26 weeks he's decided he wants to be involved and is proposing we ''share parental responsibilties" which in his explanation means he'll have her 2 nights a week and I have her the rest, I've told him I'm not prepared to accept this so we have decided he will stay over at my house a few nights a week and he will have her one week night after a few months.

I've come home and thought about it and I feel like I'm insane to even think this can work. Anyone in a similiar situation? I know that's HIGHLY unlikely seems as though my situation is sooooo messed up. Hmph!

I don't think it sounds harsh Emma. It will not be easy to hand the baby over for 2 nights a week as soon as she's born so you've offered a good compromise.

It can work depending on how you are with each other. It's good that he is keen to take responsibility. Can you communicate without arguing? What are your feelings like toward each other. Do you still want him as a partner/does he want you?

I couldn't believe it when he suggested taking her 2 nights, I wanted to punch him. He's obviously done zero research!

He wants to be with me, now! But I can't trust him nearly enough so I'm just enjoying my pregnancy and not even entertaining him and his stressful freak outs!

I think even if he has feelings for you it could still work as long as you are both clear on the boundaries.

You still have some time to talk things through before the baby comes and if you can communicate well you could even have thought of a third compromise by then!

Good on you for concentrating on you and your baby. If it all becomes too much remember that he has no right to move into your place. He needs to earn your trust and you are accommodating him generously.

I think it's perfectly do-able if you are able to get on together. My ex still stays with me every week or two for a night - he's not in a position to look after dd on his own yet and this arrangement means he gets some proper time with dd. It's a strain sometimes but I do think it's important to involve the dad if it's possible.

My situation is ridiculous. We have been pregnant before, when I was YOUNG and he was still married (i told you it's ridiculous) and we decided not to continue with the pregnancy, so this time when I found out i was pregnant (i didn't stop taking the pill btw, it was just one of the times it doesn't work for whatever reason) so i wanted to get to 12 weeks to make sure everything was ok, suppose i felt like i didn't deserve a baby, which now I know i absolutely do and will be a fantastic mother. But I just think he is older and yes it's a shock for him but part of me knew how he'd react having been here before years ago, so i just went into this alone from the start and I have told him, he can live with me and be with baby as much as i am, he chose to keep it to a few weeks.

I hate being so honest on here, you people just make me want to open up lol

a few days* not weeks

I think you are handling this as fairly as you can. And good on you both for being grown up enough to give it a go.

Emotions will take their toll when the baby arrives and you may find it's either a good or a bad situation, but you will get through it. You might find his practical help invaluable if nothing else.

Open up as much as you like