MNHQ here: Are we giving young children the time, space and connection they need?

[RhiannonEMumsnet]

Professor Sam Wass - developmental cognitive neuroscientist and the Director of the Institute for the Science of Early Years and Youth - has written for Mumsnet following the Princess of Wales’s recent visit to Reggio Emilia to learn more about their approach to childhood.

You can read his piece here and he'd like to hear from Mumsnetters about your experiences because - as he says - while the science is increasingly clear, it doesn't always chime with real life.

• Do you feel that, as a society, we are giving young brains what they need?

• Are we providing enough time, space and connection — or are children being overwhelmed by pace, pressure and digital distraction?

• What made the biggest difference in your own child’s early years? A routine, relationship, nursery setting, family member, moment of support — or something else entirely?

Do let us know what you think on the thread so we can pass your responses on.

Thanks,
MNHQ

I'm not there yet (toddler is at nursery), but I'm horrified at the thought of my child spending lots of time at primary school with a tablet or laptop. They don't need extra time in front of screens, they need time interacting with their peers and teacher.

They give children tablets at school. It is so infuriating. My own niblings were required to have iPads and personal laptops at primary school.

After my own child was given a formal diagnosis of autism some government worker (I had never met or even spoken to) visited my child at daycare and told daycare staff that “autistic children like iPads - you should give him an iPad”. That was her official recommendation. I wasn’t even consulted.

So they gave him an iPad and watched as their daycare room descended into chaos as every other 3 year old also wanted the iPad. A fight broke out. There were screams. I told daycare staff I didn’t want my child playing on screens when he should be outside playing with the other kids. He was in daycare purely to socialise. I didn’t work. If I wanted him on a screen all day I could do that at home and not pay over $200 a day for daycare fees.

Some people are idiots and can’t differentiate between an AAC device and an iPad showing YouTube shorts.

I keep hearing how the UK is apparently 'too child centered'. I don't see it at all.

I think our society resents children, resents money being spent on them, resents them being in public spaces.

I think parenting is seen as something that you just learn as you go and that being a good parent has no value. The pressure for both parents to earn to pay the basics means children are not prioritised.

At school there is a push for children to get reading and writing as quickly as possible as well as a rigidity around 'being school ready'. Schools are not ready for the wide range of needs that children arrive with.

We know that children need play to learn, but it is being squeezed our because it is costly in time and in staffing. There is also a push (often from parents) for children to do more and more academic work earlier in a belief that this will lead to better long term outcomes.

We need massive investment in all children, especially the youngest and in supporting and educating parents. The money for this can come from getting rid of the triple lock - and other balances to generational fairness.

We need to push back on people who want 'child free spaces' - we do not allow exclusion of other groups, why exclude children unless on safety/ appropriate grounds.

We need to help people understand that children being noisy and messy is usually developmental - again we accept this in other groups in society who do not have the ability to change (due to disability or age related deterioration) but people are quite hostile to children.

So yes to more time, more physical space and mental space, more resources - because if we want healthy adults, physically and mentally, we need to do much much better for our children.

It’s not easy enough for children to play out & travel independently. That’s a generational change that doesn’t get the attention it deserves. Jonathan Haidt in The Anxious Generation includes tackling this in his actions that local & central government need to do to improve child mental health, but this aspect of his work gets very little attention (unlike his recommendations re social media).

Screens are such a massive part of this - not just how they affect children's development but also how it affects relationships when parents are on their phones all the time and also the fact that they are being used in schools so much.

I think the hard thing is that we probably do know more than ever about what young children need, but family life is also more pressured than ever, especially with the cost of basic existence now. It’s all very well saying children need calm, connection, outdoor time, responsive adults etc of course they do, but so do parents, and a lot of families are running on fumes.

For mine, the thing that made the biggest difference was not a grand philosophy or any particular approach, it was having a couple of adults who really knew them and delighted in them. A brilliant teacher, or a grandparent who had time. Those small, steady relationships mattered more to my children than any carefully planned activity ime.

I really applaud Catherine… and I think we have to go way beyond early years. The entire education system has the wrong orientation- a result of intereference at central level and over investing in assessing. We need to be asking what education is needed for a thriving adult in the mid twenty first century and design from there. We need environments built for comfort and enjoyment not for institutional effectiveness. The strip lighting, the noise, the crowds- I would hate to be a school kid and my own autistic child has had to be home educated as he just fell apart in that environment.