Has anyone else felt low and lonely after moving back to the UK?

[Sunshineandrain999]

Hi all, just want to vent. 5 years ago I moved from Australia to the UK (originally from here). Have really struggled with the weather change but more than that even though we’re closer to a few family members I feel lonelier than ever. Can’t be bothered to talk with anyone I slightly know on school run. Feel blah all the time. Anyone else been in a serious funk and how have you snapped out of it? Going back to work not an option yet as youngest is small and childcare would be too expensive in our situation.

How long were you away for? What have you done to reconnect with family and friends and make new friends? I can see how returning people will expect evwrything to be the same but the people left behind will have moved on and made new connections.

You need to bother if you want things to change.

Hi, thanks for replying. I lived in Oz for 13 years. Husband is British too and largely behind the move as Covid was happening and he was the main breadwinner at the time. My dad is dead and my mum has dementia so no close family to help out as such with my 4 little ones under 10. I have a few other family members in the UK but they are deeply religious and I was excommunicated by that religion when I was a “rebellious youth”. So I could make more effort to connect but there are blocks to that too.

I struggle with confidence and have lost the desire to make connections. Feel everyone’s out to get me sometimes or not to be trusted. But I’ve felt that to a certain degree since having my first baby. Overstimulated by noise. Depressed with grey cold weather. Been on talk therapy and ssri’s on and off but have lost my mojo. Maybe work is the answer eventually. Then I think I’ll have that to juggle too and that’s depressing.

Nothing will change if you don’t make the effort. it’s all down to you unfortunately.

I think feeling low and disconnected when you are on maternity leave or in the trenches with young children is really common and difficult. I’m sorry it’s been a hard move for you.

What sort of place are you living in? Does it suit you? I lived in a place I didnt feel in sync with for two years and it was pretty miserable - the difference when I moved to my current city was night and day.

Have you seen your doctor recently? Do you think that going back on medication and sticking with it for a while would help? Or are the side effects too grim? You do sound depressed I’m afraid.

Could you volunteer with something outdoorsy? I’ve just signed up to go and clear weed and rubbish from local rivers, tbh the thought of putting on full length waders and watching the fish is very cheerful. It also means meeting people in a more personal way than the school gate. I always found that the combination of ‘mum friends’ and meeting the same people round the volunteer circuit made the connection more real.

Are you doing anything creative - art, music?

And what about moving back - is that an option?

How old is your baby? Are you suffering from post natal depression?

Any move to a new place is difficult, as you have to start again.

You have a baby. Look to see if there’s any mother and baby/toddler grouops around. Even one a week will get you out and meeting new people.

A simple step, but go first a walk every day. Getting out the house helps.

Also, is there any hobby you liked pre-baby. - swimming, netball, Bookclub etc. Have a baby- free night a week, an adult-only night.

Thanks for your replies. Youngest is 3 and starting nursery in September so hoping I’ll get myself out of this rut then. Feeling overwhelmed with balancing everything. Yes it is possible to go back to Oz where I met my husband. I worry about getting a good enough job to pay for a home there as it’s so expensive and feel I am taking husband away from his family (although they don’t really help with day to day, more like have the odd sleepover for 2 of the girls at a time every few months perhaps.) See my family a few times a year (all initiated by me, I have brothers and we are a very low dynamic family). When I see my mum in a care home unable to keep a thought in her head I cry and my poor kids have to ask what’s wrong and why am I so upset. Not good for them. Husband is quite robotic and not into discussing emotions much, don’t think that helps. Love my babies and love being a mum, just can’t get motivated to connect with other adults, feel quite paranoid and skeptical of others (all stems from feeling abandoned due to religious choices as a child I think). Feel like I’m being judged and the chaos of 4 when I like an element of control in life sometimes feels like I don’t want others to see how stressed I am. Hope that makes sense. I do know no one is coming to save me - just wish I actually enjoyed the company of others. But if I don’t and can’t be vulnerable with people and spend time with them what do I expect!?!

I live in the midlands, grew up by the sea and miss that. Small town, everyone was pretty much born and bred here and has extended family. Some of the mums are nice, very friendly. I have no real roots here so do feel it would be easy to move. Can’t shake that I made this move for my husband. He is a great provider but I did not want to move and I think that is something always in the back of my mind. Maybe feel as I chose to become a mum I forfeited my right to navigate the financial aspects of our lives to this point including where we live.

I know some may feel it is a joint decision, can hubby take on 50/50 childcare so I can work. I choose to raise the kids as he would not suit a home role, wouldn’t have the same patience and convey the same amount of love to the kids - not saying he doesn’t love them as much as I do l, he doesn’t but he does not have the skills for the role of in the trenches parent - particularly as they’re all girls. It may be a confidence thing for me, once I get back into a job I’ll have less time to analyse these things. Thanks for reading.

Are you happy being a sahm? How long ago did you move back? Were you struggling in Oz? Sorry for all the questions.