DS being rough with others

[MrsCeecee]

Hi all, TIA for any advice.

My DS turned 2 in January. We go to a dancing class every week, which he seems to enjoy - he does the moves in the class and at home and seems really proud of himself. But he's started to be quite rough with the other kids there. Not hitting or kicking (though he does do that occasionally), it seems a bit more odd than that!! So he'll sort of back into them and sit on them, or barge them - kind of using his body like a battering ram! And he's a tall, chunky boy. Honestly, it's getting me down. Today I warned him (not shouting at him, just firm) that he has to be gentle or we'll leave - he carried on doing it so we left. He didn't seem that bothered about leaving tbh so it wasn't exactly a punishment.

Maybe the class isn't right for him. But at other playgroups and classes he shows similar behaviour. He steals toys so much from other kids it's honestly so stressful going to these things. But I know he can't just stay at home with me all the time, he has to socialise.

Just normal phase, or not?

That is a little unusual, although I’ve seen it before on MN I think.

How is his speech and understanding?

@TinyMouseTheatre His speech and understanding seem quite strong. He was a bit late with his speech I guess (though he understood everything from early on), but he's doing well now - putting multiple words together to make sentences etc.

My 2 year old boy is also like this. He does hit a bit too but also a lot of sitting on his sister (who is a lot older and taller but barely any heavier!) or if she’s sitting on the floor coming up behind her and leaning on her hard. He also if sitting on me will suddenly stand up and then drop all his weight on to me which really hurts sometimes. He will also push his head in to people like he’s in a rugby scrum!! He’s so physical. He seems to need rough play but we don’t really do that in our house. I have no answers, only sympathy.

@MrsCeecee To be blunt, it’s highly unlikely he knows what “be gentle” means. He’s found that barging other dc is fun, to him. If he’s not bothered about going he certainly doesn’t want to be gentle. I have to say, I’m a big fan of saying “no”, removing dc and let him know you are displeased. All this gentle stuff goes completely over their heads. Maybe don’t go home, maybe remove him and watch the others who presumably are not doing this. Does he go to nursery? Talk to them if he does. Is he throwing his weight around there? I’d maybe take him to an activity class when he’s been to nursery if he doesn’t go now. He’s young to understand “play nicely” so you need to be firm about stopping him and being displeased.

It sounds like he has poor proprioception. A lot is being asked of his proprioceptive system in a dance class. For him, barging and sitting on people is regulating this by providing deep pressure. A dance teacher, OT or Google can help you with some more positive deep pressure touch activities. You could potentially do these before dance to help regulate him for the duration of the class.

I could have written this and it is what I came here looking for advice on. My DS pretends to be a triceratops with doing what you described like a rugby scrum.

He doesn't seem to hit out of aggression or anger. It is when he is overexcited and thinks it's funny.

@PinkPonyAnonymous I have tried doing deep pressure stuff with him before actually, but he just runs off. I'm not sure if it is a proprioception issue as he's not "clumsy", it's very much on purpose. I know very little about this though so I will certainly look into this - thank you!

@MeetMeOnTheCorner Oh yes, he definitely knew I was displeased! As I say, I wasn't shouting but was still very firm and said no, we don't do that etc, and I was quite specific (we don't barge into others, etc). Great idea about watching the others play, though. Will definitely try that next time.

He's not at nursery yet. For various reasons which I won't bore everyone with, it'll be early next year at least before he's able to go. I wish it was sooner tbh (for his sake as well as mine!), but there you go. Maybe when he's at nursery he'll get better at interacting with others, or is that just wishful thinking?!

Extremely agile children can also have high proprioceptive needs! It’s about how they regulate themselves not their physical ability. In extremely agile children their seeking of proprioceptive input is more likely to be bigger, louder, more boisterous.

It’s a big area to learn about for people caring for little boys in particular. It’s not an “issue” in a problematic sense, just something to be understood. Things like weighted blankets and vests can work well alongside games involving deep pressure touch.

@MrsCeecee It’s not wishful thinking. Quite often dc do observe what cooperative play is about at nursery and start to learn how to fit in. Most dc are not going to cooperate with others until at least 3. Activities will be set up at nursery where he will play with others, sit with others and interact with others. He won’t be in an activity with difficult supervision by adults. There is a fairly high staff ratio. He will be encouraged to use his imagination and have a wide range of activities that will interest him.

I think you are right to wish it was sooner.

It's pretty normal at this age and he will grow out of it.

Keep on being firm and clear and holding a firm boundary/following through with what you've said. It will be working, but just maybe not as quickly as you might expect. The message will be going in.

I would make sure he's getting plenty of opportunities to expel physical energy (in general, but particularly before a more structured, indoor activity). If you're still using a buggy phase it out for walking/scooting/balance biking. Does he swim regularly? If not, that's a great energy burner. Set-up an assault course in the garden (or the living room). When you're out and about encourage walking on walls/jumping over manhole covers/skipping/hopping etc. Maybe look for an outside class that is more physical. Forest school could be a good shout.

You could try parenting him ?

@ZazuT0p The op is parenting him! He’s 2 so he’s not always responding that well! A few ideas have been suggested and it’s a case of reminders and showing him what pleasant play looks like. Many 2 year old boys don’t get “nice play”. That doesn’t mean a parent is failing.

Ooh, I'd love more specifics. I've never tried that.

@NuffSaidSam Great suggestions, thank you! We do swim occasionally but could definitely do more of that. And yes he's still in the buggy mostly. He does lots of walking/balance biking too, but often I get the dreaded 'Mummy, carry!' when we're bloody ages away from where we need to go 😂I definitely do need to phase out the buggy more though.