6 month old severe separation anxiety advice

[ARodeoQueen]

I have a beautiful daughter who has so far been such an 'easy baby' sleeps well, happy little soul etc. However she has such bad separation anxiety and I am really looking for some advice as it is becoming upsetting, distressing and very stressful. My wonderful parents have a brilliant relationship with my older son and looked after him when I went to work (part time) and they are going to do the same for my daughter when I go back to work in July. I am very grateful to them both. However my daughter just gets extremely upset when left with my Mum and Dad. If I am there with her she is all smiles and giggles with them. They can hold her, change her nappy, feed her etc but the second I am not in the room she gets hysterical - screaming/tears - even if nip to the toilet. Today I have a hospital appointment and have had to leave her with my Mum and Dad. We thought about bringing her but my appointment could last an hour and my Mum was worried about her screaming in the hospital! I only arrived at their house and went to get the pram out of the car and she was beside herself. It is just awful. I am currently sat in the hospital carpark with a banging headache and feel sick to the pit of my stomach knowing she will be so upset. I am at a complete loss what to do as this never happened with my son. We see my parents regularly at least twice a week so she is very familiar with them. Has anyone got an advice or any tips on how to deal with this? I know we will laugh about this one day but at the minute it just feels awful. I don't ever leave her really apart from with her Dad and she is fine with him. Thank you x

Sounds normal, you need to just ride it out really. July is a long time from now although in my experience it gets worse rather than better.

What are the grandparents doing about it? I went back to work at 8 months and had a nanny. My baby got "separation anxiety" if left with my mum but that's cause my mum had no idea how to handle an upset baby and she got stressed and flapped about.

Whereas the experienced and patient nanny (and a total stranger to my baby) instantly soothed him. She'd pick him him, sing and distract, nvver got stressed. So maybe you need to find some coping techniques for your parents.

I could have written this exact post. What fixed it for us in the end was a couple of transfer from my husband. So you transfer to your husband, leave, he waits 10 minutes then he transfers to your parents. We done this about 5 times then transferred her from my husband but with me in the room and then I done the transfers again and it was all good. Was fixed in about 6 weeks

My DS was like this even with my DH. DH just said go out and I will deal with it. Yes, there was plenty of tears but he settled down after about an hour. It happened again the next time, but after that everything was fine. DS new that I would be returning.

My first did this from 4-7 months, and she wouldn't even tolerate being left alone with Daddy except for a bit first thing in the morning. If she couldn't see me or touch me, she was genuinely distraught. My second was not quite as intense, but again similar.

The advice I was given was to try little and often to see if it helped her get used to me leaving and coming back. In truth, I'm not particularly sure it did – I think it was mostly just time that helped. For shorter times like hospital appointments, your parents could try taking her out in the buggy with the buggy set world-facing. That didn't work with my first, but did with my second.

I will also say that despite the intensity of that phase, they are 4 and 6 now, and didn't particularly struggle with separating from me later on – well within the normal range when it came to doing preschool swimming lessons without me, starting school, etc. It can be just a (hard!) phase, not a long term challenge.

Just help her feel as secure and safe as possible. A hospital appointment, perhaps unavoidable, so you need to just roll with it and accept she’ll be upset. Otherwise, keep her with you. Let them enjoy time with your older one. There is no advantage to upsetting her. It’s a phase. Adults have the emotional self-regulation to not take it personally. One day it will be easy again.

Thank you all for your comments. Some brilliant tips! Mum is really good with her and will sing/distract which is good. They took her in the pram and she fell asleep and my appointment was only 15 mins in the end. When I got back she was happy and hadn't been too upset thankfully. But I am definitely going to try the different advice. Thank you for the reassurance as I was so worked up!