4yo suddenly waking at night - what to do?

[INeedaDietcoke]

My recently turned 4yo has started waking multiple times a night and coming through to us, needing to be put back to bed. Once back in his bed, he drops off almost immediately, so it's not super difficult, just really disturbing our sleep. My youngest still wakes 1-2 times a night too, so combined it's becoming unsustainable. My 4yo used to sleep 12 solid hours, it's in the last 2 months the night wakes have become more frequent.

When he comes through to us it's almost like he's sleep walking. He's so close to being asleep again he can't even speak to us. If we ask if something is wrong, he's too hot/cold/needs a drink/is scared of something etc there's no answer. We just shepherd him back to his bed and he's out again within minutes.

He has blackout blinds but sleeps with a red light on and music. He has slept like this for almost his whole life, nothing has changed here. We thought he might be cold, so added a thermal underlayer before pjs. He puts a nighttime nappy on just before getting into bed and doesn't seem to be waking due to leaks.

I am at a loss as to why he's waking, why he's waking so frequently, and why he can't seem to get back to sleep without coming through despite clearly being very sleepy and going back down easily.

He has entered more of a 'fear' phase at the moment, will no longer go into other rooms by himself, calls out if we go into another room even for a minute, which is also new for him. He talks about monsters often, and about seeing shadows moving in the house. Could fear be waking him/preventing him from dropping off again?

I was considering putting a mattress on his floor and sleeping in there for a week or so, to see if him waking and seeing he's not alone will get him to start falling back to sleep by himself, and potentially then reduce the wakes. Will this just create a rod for my own back and I'll find myself unable to ever go back into my own bedroom?? Is this just a normal 4yo development phase and we need to wait it out?

I'm so grateful for any advice, experience or anecdotes because it's really starting to wear us down.

Do you take him for a wee when he wakes up?

Assuming he is weeing overnight if he is still wearing a nappy. He might have reached the stage where he actually wakes up needing to wee rather than weeing in his sleep.

I would make sure that he has a wee just before bed (I’m sure you already do), try not to give him too much liquid before bed, and take him for a wee when he wakes up in the night.

Also, to add. No I wouldn’t start sleeping in his room… it will be harder to break the habit and might also reinforce that there really is something to be scared of.

Can you talk to him about what he is worried about? I’m sure you’ve explained that monsters aren’t real etc. Can you ask him if something has happened that made him feel scared? It could be as simple as someone saying something about monsters at nursery/ school and he believes it’s real.

No advice but wanted to say my just turned 4 year old is exactly the same. We have motion dection sensors in the corner of some rooms, he's suddenly terrified of them. I was going to ask his nursery if this is a developmental thing. Hopefully they have advice.
He was night time potty trained but has regressed to an accident every night for the last few night. There is no pattern to it. Hope it's a phase that passes soon for all of us.

Probably going through a development leap and also worried about starting school….lots of changes for 4 year olds.

Thanks so much for replying - no we don't take him for a wee in the night. I do make him have a wee before bed, unfortunately his pre-bedtime routine is to have a large cup of milk (then teeth!) so he's definitely filling his bladder before the night.

I was waiting for the overnight dryness to just kick in, I read stuff that said it's hormonal for them to be dry overnight so I wasn't really stressing about it. But maybe I will try to enforce a night time wee if he wakes and see if that helps!

Secondly on the monsters, I made a huge effort to talk about the monsters stuff last night and I think it is really playing on his mind. He talked about shadows moving in his room. I might try the 'monster spray' thing I've seen online, but what I came up with last night is a button drawn on his hand in pen that he can press to remind himself 'mummy doesn't let monsters in the house'. We played a game about what I do and don't let in the house, and reassured him I would definitely not be letting a monster in. We read a couple of books about kind and friendly monsters, and about how to cope when you feel scared. So I think that helped a little - he woke once, we pressed the button together, and he went back down quite quickly.

Yes nursery mentioned this too - the night wakes aren't the only change we've seen in him recently, and I had a meeting at nursery to discuss things. They said it's all developmentally normal and he's got a lot going on bless him.

School feels simultaneously a million miles away and also just round the corner, I think the next 4 months are going to fly by and really want to try to reassure him and help him process whatever fear/anxiety he's feeling before he starts.

Dry at night means not having a wet nappy though, it doesn’t mean not going for a wee at all overnight.

I found there was an awkward phase of a few months of my DS waking and needing to get up for a wee in the night, and then he started going through the night without getting up for a wee.

Maybe he is sleep walking? If it looks like that it could be that.

My 4 year old does this too sporadically, I was in there 4 times the other night because she was crying out but she was barely awake and not really registering that I was there even. I put it down to growth spurts/brain leaps or whatever other weird and wonderful things 4 year olds go through. Is it every night?

My son sometimes woke up in the early hours for no obvious reason, and then we worked out he had threadworms that were obviously bothering him without him realising what was happening. So my advice is check for worms.

Interesting - was your DS alerting you that it was the need to wee that was waking him? I will try a quick toilet stop on the way back to bed and see if that helps.

I think in the middle of the night it's so tempting to just get them back to sleep asap, the thought of getting him onto the loo and potentially waking him up further fills me with dread 🙈but if it might help I'll give it a shot!

Wow this is one (horrifying) avenue of thought I hadn't gone down. Just had a google and they look an absolute nightmare, hope you and your DS are ok!

Did he let on about the itching or did you see the worms themselves? DS still needs help wiping after a poo and I've not noticed anything, nor has he said he's itchy, but I will have a closer look.

Interesting, I think it must be a pretty normal developmental stage then, it seems like lots of people experience it around this age. My DS is very sleepy and compliant when he comes through, he doesn't seem distressed at all. Do you think your daughter gets nightmares?

It's definitely most nights at the moment, last night it was just once, the night before it was twice, I think the max has been 4 times in the last couple of weeks. He also has no memory of it so will cheerfully announce he slept all night in his own bed over breakfast, and me and DH just look at each other through a cloud of sleep deprivation while I try to think about what we can do to improve things. 😂

I guess it could just be sleepwalking, in which case I need to look at how to deal with that, as at the moment he just comes through to us but he has to go past the stairs and I don't want to get to a situation where he's wandered/fallen down the stairs in the night. Argh

@INeedaDietcoke after a couple of nights of waking he said his bottom hurt, which made me check and realise what was going on. All sorted quickly with a dose of Ovex for everyone in the house.

was your DS alerting you that it was the need to wee that was waking him?

No absolutely not 🤣 he would resist going to the toilet but I would take him anyway and he’d do a massive wee and sleep for the rest of the night. I think he actually didn’t realise that he had woken up because he needed to wee.

I also reckon it might be that of being dry at night and he’s waking because he needs the toilet but is too sleepy to be fully aware + has the nappy on.

4 is too old for a massive cup of milk before bed really- it just isn’t giving the opportunity to become dry because even if he is producing the hormone there’s still a limit on what the bladder can physically hold- plenty of adults get up for a wee overnight but obviously aren’t hormone deficient and definitely do not wet the bed! I would stop the milk, no drinks offered after dinner and only sips of water if he actually asks, double void at bedtime e.g. wee before and after bath and if he still wakes then take him to the toilet before putting him back to bed.