No sleep improvement after tonsil and adenoid surgery

[ThatJadeHedgehog]

My 2 year old had her tonsils and adenoids removed on the 30th April after 2 years and eight months of me being up in the night with her every night for up to 4 hours at a time. Not that j didn’t want her to have it but I was afraid of exactly this. Nothing has changed. That was my out and it wasn’t an out. And honestly I am putting on a brave face and covering it up with humour but now I’m used up my last hope as we head towards three years without a full nights sleep I don’t know how not to just break.

I was trying not to lose hope and tell myself BS about the recovery phase but honestly we’re getting very close to 2 weeks now and she’s otherwise fine.

I am honestly scared for myself. They’re no ‘village’, just me at breaking point. Somehow ive been getting through every day but the hope of the surgery and everyone saying it would help was part of that I’m not sure I can keep covering it up with distractions, sugar and coffee. I feel like one day I could do something serious because there’s no hope left and I don’t know what would happen to my daughter then. I just feel really hopeless.

Oh my that's so awful.

The lack of sleep is the most awful thing about parenting.

I actually totally avoid a friend who had a baby at the same time as me whose baby sleeps 12 hours a night since she was 3 months old. Never regressed massively, never bothered about teething. And here I was feeling like you. I know everyone has their hardships but some things are just too much in the moment. I remember one night thinking - this is how people shake babies. My God. It's absolute torture. I was suicidal at certain points as well. Also gained a ton of weight because at one point coffee stops working and I needed sugar to get through the day.

I don't have any advice, I'm sure you've tried everything by now, just wanted to express my sympathy.

Yep I’ve lost friends over it. That sort of childish thing is so not like me but I can’t listen to them talk about how tired they are while judging me for not handing out homemade fruit salad pots to everyone while my daughter (and me) shoves chocolate digestives in her mouth!

Sorry OP. TBF, it's only been two weeks - perhaps she's still recovering/in some discomfort? Is there a chance things might still settle down?

Not sure what to suggest otherwise. I'm sure you've tried it all, anyway. 😔

ETA - Sorry, just seen the part about you trying not to bs yourself. Forgive me, I'm also sleep deprived (although not for as long as you). Commiserations.

How was the surgery supposed to help her sleep?
what is her sleep pattern like, day and night? Some children are just bad sleepers, but sometimes it could be the schedule, though I’m sure you’ve tried altering it.

How’s her weight?

(I say this as someone who’s been in your shoes with no uninterrupted nights).

We found at one point it was hunger and increasing calories towards end of the day helped.

Any hint of digestive issues? That also made our nights worse.

As does sugar towards the end of the day.

And at the risk of stating the obvious, any sleep or time horizontal with eyes shut you can get helps. I had a few months with a camping mattress on daughter’s floor with a blanket and a £10 Bluetooth headphone eye mask. Audio book, in the room with her but with brain elsewhere and not then having to wait until was sure she’d settled down as she and I were doing that in parallel. I think it got me 30-45 mins extra sleep a night. Which was a big % increase.