Naps with two children

[LoudAnt]

Please help. I am a stay at home mum with a 3.5 year old and a 10 month old. I am finding naps in the house a nightmare. It's okay if we're out and she naps in the pram/carrier/buggy though they are short naps. I would like her to be able to get to sleep in the house though (I'll need her to in winter!). In the house, she can't fall asleep with noise. I've been turning the tv on for my 3 yo (not ideal I know) whilst I settle her and for a bit I could slip away after feeding to sleep. Now though, the minute I try to delatch her she wakes crying. It's really stressful and eventually she just wakes fully. Then the nights are awful because she hasnt napped well. Plus I am stressed which isn't good for anyone, including my poor three year old. How do other people manage this? It's fine when my 3 YO is in nursery (2 days a week) as we can contact nap, which is basically all I did with my first. I should say she doesnt nap anymore so no hope of coordinating them.

It probably seems silly but it's really getting me down. To the point which that and some other things are making me feel like I cant be at home with both alone, I just cant manage it. I'm not ready to go back to work though and I want to go back because I'm ready, not because I feel I'm not coping at home. My OH is saying he cant keep getting messages at work saying I'm struggling and that we need to find a solution.

Sorry for the essay, I've never posted on here before! Not quite sure how it works!

Why not bring the pram inside? When she’s out there must noise so that can’t be it. It might be where she’s finding napping comfortable. Bring the pram inside, give her milk and rock the pram until she falls asleep. Then leave in another quieter room while you deal with 3 year old . Hope it gets better soon x

No advice but just huge sympathies and solidarity. I really struggled with mine two years apart and often "cheated" by timings nap with a drive (e.g. to shop or appt) then transferring. It's tough and I know the frustration of feeling not able to cope. You are doing great xx

I didn’t find a magic way, sorry. Neither of mine napped in their cots well, ever.

But like PP, I just planned my day around it. So maybe a trip to the park or shops first thing, then she slept in the buggy on the way back. Then off on an outing in the afternoon, involving another walk in the buggy. It doesn’t need to be tricky, we spent a lot of time at the local library!

Or do a bigger day out (again it can be easy - even a slightly less local library + park can break it up). Then her sleeps can be on the way there + the way back.

We ate a lot of cheese sandwich picnics in DD2’s first year. It drove me a little bit mad but with hindsight, it was a good push to do stuff out of the house.

Ugh sympathies op. That's a tough stage!!

We switched to a yoto player with headphones for the oldest so we could all be in the same room together sometimes. Bonus points if you get a headphone splitter then you're listening to a story with your eldest whilst nursing the youngest and bam everyone is rested. Took a few attempts to remind the toddler they couldn't talk whilst baby was falling asleep, but if we succeeded then they got 1 on 1 mum time whilst the little one slept which was a huge motivation.

Didn't work every time but the days it did felt so good!!!

Its hard. I got through it by having the days my oldest went to nursery (3 days) as dedicated baby days, then the 2 she was home were toddler days and we went out for most of those and baby came with and napped whilst out. We met up with friends with similar age DCs, went to parks, soft play, days out at country and farm parks. Could you up the nursery days to give a better balance?

Sleep training. You sleep train for night and day naps at the same time. Ferber, if you stick to it properly, should sort it within 3 days.

I say this as someone who didn't sleep train, but it's really your only option.

Surely by winter your 3 year old will be in nursery for more days or possibly reception though? It's not just the naps, but once the little one starts walking, there is no way you can manage very well surely? I mean, you CAN cope obviously, but no one will be thriving.

But maybe that's me being too pessimistic, I have a boy who was already walking at 10 months and running at 12 months 😂 hand on heart I couldn't manage him AND a 3 year old together, I have no shame.to admit I'd lose my mind. Now I think about it, he started refusing the pram and all pram naps around that age as all he wanted to do was walk so even pram naps weren't an option at 12 months anymore.

Thanks so much to everyone for replying, I really appreciate the suggestions and just general solidarity! Going to try these over the next week, fingers crossed. Thanks everyone

Watching as struggling as well. At the moment I’m mostly using the pram. Sometimes I can feed, transfer and rock a bit and it works. Other times I need to get my 3 year old out for a walk with the pram until the baby falls asleep then I leave the pram in the hallway. I would eventually like to do cot naps but don’t know how to do it as I would have to be upstairs while feeding the baby to allow an easy transfer and I don’t like leaving my 3 year old alone downstairs for a long time.

Can you carry the baby on your back for the nap? With a carrier, like the ergo 360, or a fly tai.

Why can’t you contact nap with her while 3yo watches tv? Or put her in the travel cot downstairs with white noise? Use the buggy and a rockit and a snooze shade?

Pram with snooze shade and white noise and then move the pram back and forth until she is asleep? I did this when I had a baby and a toddler and it was successful (both my children only ever napped in the pram even if we were at home), as I didn’t want to be stuck at home or have to rush back if it was nap time.

I have similar aged kids. We either go in the car and I drive to a drive through and get my 3 year old a treat and drive back; pram in the house and leave in a quiet room with rockit on, nap in the carrier; contact nap while my oldest does independent play or some quiet activities like stickers and books beside me