DD6 overly dependent on BFF

[SomeOtherUser]

My DD6 is best friends with a girl in her Y1 class - they have been besties basically all their lives. For the most part their friendship seems healthy and supportive; their teachers report nothing negative in their interactions, apart from the usual mild spat that DD also tells us about.

The issue is that our DD doesn't function well in school without her friend. She breaks down into fits of hysterics when her friend is ill, for example. I believe her friend is somewhat the same, although she is a few months older and generally a little more mature, I would say.

I'm wondering if this is something that will resolve with more maturity or if we should be doing more to help (for example by fostering other friendships, although to be honest she isn't terribly interested, and it's also not something I am amazing at!). I suspect they will be separated next year, which I guess may resolve it in a rip-the-bandaid sort of fashion, but if anyone has any stories to relate or sage advice, I would love to hear. 😊

Why wouldn’t you do more to help? Your child is breaking down in fits of hysterics when her friend is not there. There are so many things that go wrong. Your child’s happiness is dependent on another person who you have absolutely no way of controlling. For want of a better word.

Yes, you should try to make her more independent.

To the poster above. Why do you think she is posting here?! She obviously wants to help her DD be more independent 🙄

Just be relaxed about it I think. Both mine had intense friendships that shifted around year 3. I looked it up and there is some research that suggests moving on from a best friend is statistically highest in Year 3 ( the 2nd grade equivalent in US? ). Apparently nearly 50% of the previous friendships shift around that time.
In my DDs experience a lot of shifting happens year 5/6 as well. I could never decide if they were practising with new people ready for the new intake at London secondary schools, or if it was a sort of a it’s my oooh last chance with these people as we are all moving on, especially in London where they all scattered quite widely.

The OP literally asks if she should do anything to help or just wait for her to mature. That’s her actual question.

What else are we answering here?

Should I do something or not? That’s what she wants to know. I think she should do some and the other poster who answered thinks the op should relax about it and it will sort itself out over time.

She does not ‘obviously want to make her dd more independent’ that’s her question.

Unless it is a tiny school with one form intake, it would be wise to separate them for year 2. Or at least make sure they are on separate tables or groups. A good teacher will recognize that.
6 year olds don’t need ‘besties’.
And your daughter’s level of distress when the other child isn’t there isn’t healthy. Neither is it fair on the other child who also needs other friends.

Oops, I didn't realise I'd had some replies to this!

@TootsMaHoots : I posted for advice and support - I literally said that in my OP. Surely if I didn't want advice, I would just do nothing rather than post about it in a forum? If an acquaintance relayed this tale to you in real life, would you respond in such an antagonistic manner? Perhaps try to channel your IRL manners a bit more.

I realise I phrased my OP a bit dramatically - it's not accurate that she "always" melts down when her friend is ill. On the day this happened she did, but I am not aware that she has done before. She was a bit poorly too so probably particularly fragile. I do know that she is very attached to her friend, however (and vice versa, by the way, in case that wasn't clear!). As stated, school have always praised their friendship and suggested that it seems generally healthy and inclusive of others. They definitely consider each other "BFFs" though. I will raise it afresh with the school and see what they think.

Thanks @leopardandspots , I very much appreciate the perspective!

I thought about it some more actually. This may help:
DD1’s intense friendship lasted from nursery into Year 3. She remained more casual friends with her but my DD who decided she wanted to pursue other friendships, especially as there was this other girl she wanted to spend more time with. The BF did get a bit clingy then, but we talked about it and DD managed to negotiate expanding the group.

DD2 had an intense best friend from reception. That lasted longer, but what happened there was that a girl who I’ll call Alpha (as she was very confident in her writing, spellings, music times tables etc). Alpha took a liking to DDs best friend and sort of proactively head hunted her! So inviting her on play dates, monopolising her in school and saying my DD was not included etc.. This did cause problems, my DD did try to sort of fight to retain the best friend but ultimately she preferred Alpha although it didn’t last but I did invite other children around more proactively and DD found a replacement best friend.

I still think just be glad they can forge close friendships, support the friendship, support other options too, and be relaxed about it. It will evolve naturally. Both mine have plenty of friends now. DD1 didn’t retain any primary school friends but did from secondary.
DD2 has ( so far) retained the replacement best friend from primary but has acquired a wider circle as well.