Feeling upset after another child commented on my six year old’s speech

[TGWTDT]

DS is 6 years old and is on the Pathway for autism. He didn’t speak until he was almost 4 years old. We’ve thrown the kitchen sink at him. Paid for hours and hours of private speech therapy whilst on the waiting list for speech therapy from the local authority. He’s in mainstream school but has an EHCP for speech

I am so proud of him. He’s done amazing and come along so far.

His pronunciation can be quite poor and at times (very few and fair between now) I struggle to understand something he’s said. He takes it like a champ and says it again, sounds it out, or shows me - he doesn’t get frustrated or annoyed just gets on with it.

We were away for the weekend and he was stood in line with some other kids and was chatting away to one of them - I walked over as he was almost at the front of the line to get a certificate and wanted to snap a photo when I heard the other kid say to him “I don’t understand what you’re saying, are you even speaking English?”

It really upset me. DS didn’t seemed bothered and had forgotten all about it when I tried to talk to him about it later.

But I can’t stop thinking about it.

He’s been having regular blocks of SALT with the LA at School so we haven’t used his private SALT for a while and I’m thinking of starting again. We were always told his pronunciation would come and not to worry but how many times does this happen when I’m not there? I’m so sad for him and annoyed that I’ve just muddled on and thought everything was great and not pushed to get him more help, or carried on with the private SALT as well.

In my head, he’s come on so much and I thought he was doing so well but maybe I’m skewed because I see him every day and hadn’t realised how much work his speech still needs. I just feel so upset.

It’s often easier for someone who knows a child to understand their speech if it’s unclear in any way.

in all honesty many children have some issues with speech that mean other children don’t always understand them. Stuttering, stammering, selective mutism etc.

i wouldn’t take one comment to heart.

but equally, do take to opportunity to reassess.

he’s made progress and that’s great. Does he have the understanding or is that also an issue?

some children with autism do well with a total communication approach which includes signs - has this been looked at?

Hi @Octavia64 thank you for the reply.

He’s always had full understanding on what is being said but didn’t always have the language to reply - even when he was non verbal I could say to him “go and get your shoes” with no context, or pointing and he would do it. He started speaking just before his 4th Birthday and now talks in sentences and has a great vocabulary.

The progress he has made in 2 years has been incredible and honestly I think I have been so caught up in how far he’s come, perhaps I wasn’t able to see how far he has to go.

He did PEC’s and had a PEC’s book & strip from 3-4 years old but the SEN at nursery and later School, said he no longer needs this. He is wonderful at getting what he wants across if he can’t be understood with words and his teacher tells me she has no trouble understanding him.

Different I know but my daughter had a severe phonological disorder. It was nursery who raised that she had issues. I thought she was just a normal 3 year old. She did have mix of private then nhs speech therapy but when in reception (a covid year) I remember being upset when the teacher said half way through the year he couldn’t understand her but the TA could. I think we just get so used to our own kids speech and automatically understand it that we don’t hear what others do. I randomly looked back at a video from that time of my daughter chatting and I really struggled to understand her and was properly shocked it had been that bad.

My daughter was like your son, she just found ways of explaining differently and actually that is a really useful skill to have. I think it’s helped her resilience in some ways too.

i think book back in with the private therapist and see what they advise. No need to feel guilty.

DS didn’t seemed bothered and had forgotten all about it when I tried to talk to him about it later.

This is what you need to hold onto

I’m sorry that sounds hard. Kids do just say things so bluntly I’m afraid. Maybe that child came from a different part of the country with an accent, or they had a hearing disorder or something.

My daughter loudly asked me whether a woman with some facial hair was a man or a woman recently. It was awkward.

you and your son have both achieved amazing things, try to focus on the positives I think 🩷 this is just one comment and you’ve said how great he’s done with his speech

Is it just another reminder of your child's differences? These can be difficult, particularly as they come out of nowhere, like this time. Try to focus on the fact that he's making good progress. It's a marathon, not a sprint and he's catching up.

Yeah kids are like that. They will literally just say what pops into their heads. Sounds like your son handled it well which is the main thing as he will have many more comments as he goes through school.

Honestly that sounds like he’s doing really well.

small children can have trouble with others’ speech - my kids had a polish sub teacher in reception and really struggled with her accent for a week or so before they tuned into it.

You need to show you don't care, and be unaffected by it - that way you will teach him to be the same.

Kids who are different (for any reason) will get comments throughout their lives, and although it isn't nice, you can't stop it or hide him from it. All you can do is model the behavior of not caring what others say, while re-enforcing how proud you are of him.

The last thing you want to do is react badly, show your are upset or angry, because that shows to him that there is a problem, and he should react badly as well if anyone makes a comment or says anything.

Why make an issue over a child not understanding yours, it's nobody's fault, don't make an issue when neither child had one at that moment

The biggest gift a parent can give a child is not to put their own issues on to them

I didn’t make an issue of it? Not sure where you got that from 🤔

I was upset for my DS but I didn’t show it nor did I say I blamed the other child? And I didn’t say anywhere in my post anything to that effect. What a strange reply from you…..

I wanted somewhere to share my feelings and was asking for advice on what to do to progress my son’s speech further……

Agreed. Which is why I would not and have never done that to DS

You did say that you had talked to DS about it, that obviously showed him that the incident bothered you. Best to just carry on as if nothing had happened.

It didn’t show him anything.

I asked him what the boy had said and he said “which boy?” so he had forgotten all about it and I didn’t press any further.

DS had zero idea that the comment bothered me.