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Does this sound like typical toddler behaviour or should I seek advice?

5 replies

Jasc73 · 10/05/2026 21:27

Looking for some advice regarding my daughter who's 2.5 years old.

She always needs to be touching me, especially my ear which she grabs and pulls & taps her fingers on, wants my feet up touching her feet to which she then pushes her feet into or has her feet up pushing into my face. She also grabs, rubs, sticks fingers into my arm. She cannot sit still, always moving in some way also taps her feet on me constantly. This is mentally exhausting me as it can go on for hours, partially when trying to get her to sleep at night.

She has a pretty consistent routine of bath around 8pm and bed at 9 but can often take up to 3 hours sometimes more for her to go to sleep. There is no point trying before 9 as she is not remotely tired. The most she naps during the day is 1-1.5 hours. She has plenty of activity throughout the day as she is at nursery 2 times a week & with family the other 3 who always have her at soft play or the park.

She is up around 6.30 daily & out the house from around 7.45 until at the earliest 5pm weekdays. She does plenty of activities at weekends dancing / swimming classes, soft plays, long walks at parks but still nothing seems to tire her. She will majorly kick off when time to leave if we are at the park for example, running from me and then fighting once caught & continues whilst trying to get her into the car seat.

In car seat & seat which she can be strapped into at meal times she cannot stay still and kicks her legs the whole time.

She is a very emotional child and quite often aggressive although very kind too - only aggressive to people she feels close to; me, her dad, & her grandparents. She is very nice to other children & there has never been concerns from nursery about her being aggressive towards other children.

There is no concerns regarding her development from ourselves or nursery, she is a very bright child and a great speaker for her age - she can have a full blown conversation with you.

Meltdowns can be extreme & last upwards of 30 minutes - at home and in public. During which she is constantly screaming, hitting & biting me and her dad. She does at times show self harming behaviour such as biting herself and pulling her own hair. She does not care about getting into trouble or time out, she laughs in our faces or the aggressiveness worsens.

I am beginning to think this is more than just regular 'terrible twos'. A lot of this behaviour such as the touching has been on going for as long as i can remember.

Does this sound like typical toddler behaviour or something more? Does anyone have any experience with a similar situation and have advice any advice?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 11/05/2026 01:12

Is she too tired?
does she miss you and connecting with you if she’s out with others for a full time schedule?

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 11/05/2026 01:13

I would have given my son dummy or a bottle of milk if the tantrum got that bad and it usually sooted him a bit

Maraudingmarauders · 11/05/2026 01:27

Do you allow the touching, or do you try
to correct it? A lot of this sounds familiar
to my DS who is 2yr 7months. It’s an age of big emotions and because their communication is so good it’s easy to be sucked into thinking they’re older than they are - they’re still very small and their processing is not like ours.
The reason I ask about the touching is because it can be a self perpetuating issue, and actually what she needs is some calm and kind but firm boundaries. My DS liked to chew on my hair. It drives me to distraction, but for a long time I thought I should let him as it comforted him. But it just got more and more - which is what I think your three hours is. If you calmly and firmly set a boundary of what touching is acceptable “we don’t stick our feet into mummy” or whatever, move away each time she does until you can lie there without her doing it. It won’t be instant, there will be fighting and tears but in the long term you’ll both be happier.
With regards to the rest, I think she is probably permanently exhausted. some toddlers, like yours and mine, never show tiredness like a weakness, they just ramp up and up and up. They’re in tiny fight or flight mode constantly. We found things improved when we scaled back a bit - more time at home with his toys. More boundaries at the park about coming home (lots of 3 more slides, 2 more slides, last
slide etc) and time to be calm at home or when out and about looking at small things rather than zooming about constantly.

I'm sure someone better than me will have some advice regarding naps, we tried to cut the lunchtime nap but without success (as he just slept whenever we went in the car anywhere) so night time is still a bit pants here. Have you tried making the nap a bit earlier to see if it brings bedtime forward?

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asdbaybeeee · 11/05/2026 06:12

She has a busy live maybe she’s overstimulated/ tired.
could you slow down bed routine and start it around 7 to give more time to relax.

asdbaybeeee · 11/05/2026 06:17

How did she do at the two year review? You could request a health visitor home visit.

you could try a visual timetable for activities so she knows her daily routine in advance. And use a visual timer to giver her warning when leaving an activity.

Look for warning signs of meltdowns keep a record to see if there is a pattern/ triggers. In early signs of meltdown try to distract her/ remove from situation before it escalates.

Ask nursery senco to observe her.

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