Come to a crosscroads - don't know which way to turn....

[loveverona]

So, feeling a bit lost and could do with some MSN advice. In short, have dd (5) and ds (2), DH and I would like a third. Started TTC and had two MC (Nov07 and Mar08). TTC again for 2 months now and AF just turned up. It's made me question whether a third is truly what we want and I'm now so confused. If it had been straight forward - get pregnant, have baby - it would be fine, but I'm just wondering if it's all too much effort with the potential of having another MC (no history before Nov07)? Also are we pushing our luck - have two fabulous kids, maybe we should be grateful and stick with that? But then we both love the thought of having a larger family. But then there's the extra cost, workload, stress, is it really much harder with one more...?

H-E-L-P!!

Yes to all the extra stress, work load etc, I have never understood the 3 is no harder than 2, of course it is there is another persons needs to consider before every decission.
The question is do you want the extra love, smiles and joy that child can bring ?
For me the children have always brought more happiness, along with the stress than any holiday or car etc.

Oh God, yes I do want all of that. It's just can I cope with the extra down sides.....I guess the good bits make up for those though. Hmmm, I do find my DD difficult at the moment, how to discipline effectively that is, so that's not helping. She's quite 'violent', shall we say, towards our DS and I find that so hard to deal with without losing my rag.

Counting to ten and getting out of the house alot works, I had a friend who couldn't bear to be alone with with her DD so she enrolled her in every class going, she then went on to have two DS's and everything fell into place.

Yes, I think maturity on DD's part will help - we do have spells of empathy now and she can be so lovely towards him. I also need to take things easy and be more laid-back about it all. Kids will be kids to a certain extent and I have to let them be just that a bit more I think.

Thanks for the advice!

If I were you... I would make sure I was taking a very good multi MINERAL and VITAMIN supplement - like SOLGAR FEMALE, to restore your mineral and vitamin levels, and also take extra at least 800mg Folic acid as well per day.

So often we are run down without even being aware of it and that leads to stress and loss of patience, and it's been found, MC as well.

Big hugs your way. We took three years to conceive our DD (Dh is technically infertile with very bad sperm) and I know we just couldn't go through the timed sex TTC process again, so I know what you're going through (in a way).

Best of luck.

Thanks zazen. It's funny, I decided to take Pregnacare with both my two last pregnancies - the two I MC'd. I hadn't taken it with the pregnancies for my two kids. It's ironic. But it's put me off taking vitamins from now on. I know I'm sure the MCs were absolutely nothing to do with this, but I see them as a bit of a jinx now!

I'm sure my stress levels at the time of the MCs didn't help - we'd just moved to a new area, DD started school, DH new job - not a recipe for being chilled out!

I feel much better now and more settled, pretty healthy at the moment really, just tired if anything, but I need to go to bed earlier!

How wonderful you have your DD - how old is she?

Hi LoveVerona our little miracle is four in July.

We thought about going again (very briefly - for about 5 minutes) - but I was messed up with the crash cesarean - lots of adhesions and a huge scar, and a tender womb - so the pain from that has put a crimp on our sex life anyway! I've got a tipped uterus, so my Gynae said I'd need a marathon swimming sperm to concieve... which my DH hasn't got
The thought of TTCing and all the stress that goes with it just makes me shudder TBH..

I feel a lot better on multi mineral and vitamins - and I take SOLGAR supplements on the recommendation of my dietitian (I've got a dairy product allergy)

Best of luck and hope it just happens for you - now you've all settled in.