Will I ever sleep again? HELP

[Boymummas]

There are probably a million threads like this but I thought I would tailor mine specifically to me….. I am a mum of 2 boys, the first is 4 next month and the second is 8 months very soon. I love them
both dearly and I feel like the older one is SO EASY in comparison to the baby. Sleep in general has not always been easy since he was born, he has struggled with ear infections, teething (he already has 3 teeth) and attachment issues. All of this I was aware of, but Im feeling a bit hopeless now as we are on month 8 and the nights are no easier than they were when he was a newborn! His dummy falls out constantly (we never used a dummy with the first, now I can see why) but it is such a comfort now I have no idea how to get rid of it. He SCREAMS at night when he wakes, he doesn’t just moan or whimper it’s a full on scream. Me and my partner are at our whits end with the lack of sleep. He works a lot so I am left alone often. I go back to work very soon as a secondary school teacher and am terrified of being more of a zombie than I already am. I’ve tried Ferber method with no prevail, we’ve tried to get him to learn how to self soothe and he screamed for 2 hours straight. He gets constipated and is just generally moany ALL the time unless he is being entertained. Weaning isn’t going well either, he doesn’t love food and his milk has to be just the right temperature to drink.. My mum and MIL just keep saying ‘he’s just a baby!’ But I am honestly ready to throw in the towel. Please tell me it gets easier with two children. Any tips for how to survive? Also, I know I chose to have kids but I didn’t know it was going to be this hard.

I can remember my first not sleeping. There’s a reason that sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture, I really feel for you

If he’s often constipated, can I ask which milk he’s on? Have you ever tried a Comfort type formula and has CMPA been ruled out?

Hi TinyMouseTheatre,
he’s on Kendamil and has been since birth. My husband changed the formula when he was around 7 months to the follow on version (because this was all they had in LIDL at the time 🤣🙈) but there wasn’t much difference in the ingredients so we just stuck with it. Maybe it could be that? I know that Health visitors tell you to stay on the same formula but we were going with the cheapest option. He’s never had trouble before with constipation - we got back from
lanzerote 2 days ago and I think this might have triggered it. I just don’t know 😵‍💫

Sympathy op as my DC2 doesn’t sleep and it is hell.

If he keeps getting ear infections, i would get him checked out for enlarged adenoids and tonsils.

Does he have any issues with a stuff nose or anything like that at night? Snoring?

6-12 months was a hellish age for us. Not many parents understood me, everyone seemed to have a perfect crawler/sleeper/whatever. It was honestly hell.

He's a delightful toddler now. Sleep got a whole lot better around 14 months.

Thanks locanepowder,

We were told it was due to teething and pretty much the day after his ears pussed out - two teeth appeared. No snoring either. We recently had my older boy checked for swollen tonsils and he had a sleep study done as he snores - all came back fine and the snoring has subsided. It’s just a minefield! He’s had us up and down like yo-yos all night and now he’s STILL asleep it’s 7:56am. These kids are trolling me!!!

You might need to consider losing the dummy, especially with teeth coming in. It will be a painful few nights but hopefully worth it… we found that it became part of the problem as DD would cry at night waking up as it was gone… it is tough. Is there a section of the night that tends to go better? Our 1st DD would wake at 4:45/5am for a while and there was no stopping it so I would go to bed early to cope…

Appreciate it’s just words but it will get better!

They're all different. It's hard when you've had a good sleeper first because it makes you think the second one is a 'bad' sleeper when really it's the first one that was an outlier!

The best thing you can do is make sure he's getting adequate sleep in the day and plough your energy in to solids.

We had a sleep consultant who recommended to do basically a 3 course meal for breakfast, lunch and dinner. And to reserve at least 45mins to be sat at the table. It worked wonders. It's not easy, but it was better than being awake all night. And everything eased up after about 3-4 weeks of that.

I had a night screamer too!

He sounds like he is uncomfortable in some way. I would try and find a well rated cranial oesteopath- it has been a real game changer for my two year old in many ways. So far she has seen one for reflux, chest infections and constipation and all have been improved hugely by it.
You have my sympathy neither of my daughters have been good sleepers without intervention either.

Thank you so much for the tip. I really tried hard with solids today and did breakfast/lunch/dinner in the high chair and he even sat for a good 30 mins in the high chair at dinner time - grazing on loads and hardly moaning! A real change from what we’re used to.

I tried removing the dummy once he’d fallen asleep this morning & he instantly woke up! I haven’t used it at all during the day and am trying to use his stuffed animal and blanket when I give him his bottle and put him to sleep so he associates them with sleeping. I tried not using the dummy tonight after bottle feed and he just wailed… my aim is to slowly transition to just using the comforters as opposed to the dummy. Do you have any tips on what’s worked for you? He is SO dependant on it for sleep and I feel like I’ve ruined him 🙈

My sister in law has suggested this. Can I ask what is it they actually do? Is it a massage type thing or do they find pressure points? Not sure how it all works x

@Boymummas it looks like they are hardly doing anything when they give the treatment- just feeling the babies body and face. The first ones youngest daughter had actually adjusted the position of her nose! She didn’t cry or seem bothered but the oesteopath said it had been bashed in the birth and was in the wrong position- absolutely crazy.
The second oesteopath she had adjusted the way she breathed, her ribs were expanding up instead of out- after this she went from constant wheeze and chest infections to nothing at all. Sorry for not being able to explain what they do better but they really are magicians.

You will sleep again...but it may take quite a while. Or you may be lucky (and I do think its mostly luck) and he'll become more settled sooner. Worst period for DS was 10 to 18 months. He didn't have a dummy, wasnt being fed to sleep. God know what it was...but many many kids just dont sleep well and then grow out of it. Id recommend very early nights for parents and just supporting each other until it eases up. If I could have tried one thing, looking back, it wd have been to increase his day time food as per suggestion above. As I'd stopped feeding him at night at 6 months I do wonder whether as he grew he was just hungry again. I'll never know as he's 14 now!!

We did cold turkey with the dummy at 6 months. It took about 2 nights. they’re so little they just forget really fast.

How was the sleep last night @Boymummas ?

Please go cold turkey with the dummy now OP and prepare yourself for 2-3 nights of hell, but it will be worth it as you won’t be constantly having to get back up to put that bloody dummy in (speaking from bitter experience here!) I wish we’d done it sooner rather than later!

Marginally better but still the same… now he is just waking for milk and won’t go to sleep without it! He has been waking crying and we’ve been going back in thinking it’s the dummy but it’s still been in his mouth 😆😆 I’m trying to wean the night feeds now so need more calorific meals in the daytime I think. I just find it soooo hard to keep doing solids in the day and knowing what to give him. I’m also trying BLW but I know he’s not eating most of it. Just riding the whole thing out as I know with my oldest it does pass.

If milk overnight gets him back to sleep quickly, just give milk!! Worry about the food with a few more snoozes supporting you.

Sounds like youve got one like my oldest. He hated being a baby. But as everyone else was moaning about terrible twos, he became absolutely delightful even if his sleep was still horiffic And has pretty much stayed that way - now late teens. Maximize sleep right now - whatever that takes - and deal with the other stuff later.

PS sleep training failed miserably here. Might work for you. Might not.

I think you are expecting too much and making everything unnecessarily harder on yourself. Firstly, with the dummy, just take it away. It will be 3-7 awful nights, but then it’s done. If he wakes, feed him and get back to sleep. Don’t be night weaning. Don’t be stressing about solids (I found solids make sleep worse when they increase anyway).

Does he sleep better with you? If I was struggling for sleep, no way would I be walking to another room to deal with a waking baby. Bring him in with you. He’s not a tiny baby anymore. You can create safe spaces to sleep with an older baby and toddler even if formula fed. With our eldest, Dh spent a year and a half sleeping on a mattress on the floor so we could all get a decent night sleep.

You’ve been on holiday, changed his formula, he’s been poorly and he’s been teething. It’s totally expected his sleep is going to be shot. But the good thing for you is that he IS formula fed so your Dh can start taking on half the nights too. It’s not going to dramatically change when you start work. You’re going to have to share the nights, so start now. He does 3 nights a week. You move yourself elsewhere with ear plugs if you have to. You need to focus on how to get as much sleep as possible rather than expecting his sleep to dramatically change right now, because this sounds pretty normal for where you’re at and all the recent changes.

@BoymummasWe used a sleep consultant and it totally changed our lives. She was amazing and no leaving him in distress. It was all about a better routine - he did already have one too so it kind of felt like magic as it was such small tweaks but we literally went from a baby that woke every couple of hours to one that has slept through the night since. She works online so if you want her details I will pass them on via DM. It cost us about £350 because we chose to do the package where we could get in touch with her when we wanted which I think was worth it. If you can find the money, I would recommend if. Best of luck xxx