Is this just what toddlers are like? I’m struggling so much.

[BeGreenSwan]

My daughter is 2.5 years old. Developing normally, excellent communication.

Im struggling so much with this age…

She has never slept well. Woke 1-3 hours until I night weaned. Now she is up at 5.45am most days with 2-3 wake ups on average. She sleeps independently and won’t co sleep, she likes her cot she says. She sleeps 10-11 hours total in a day.

She has so many tantrums. On average she whines or gets upset every 2 minutes. Says no a lot.

Rarely independent plays. I know this is normal but if I even walk away to get her a snack she whines and cries.

Everything has to be perfect. When I say this I mean doors have to be shut, shoes aligned, toys in the right position or she tantrums. Everything has to be in the correct spot.

I do so many activities and reading but I can never do it right according to her and she just tantrums during the activity if it does not go her way.

She Is happiest outdoors in the playground and we go out often. She also attends a crèche a few times a week.

is this just how things are with a toddler? Any advice

I imagine you will get people suggesting she’s neurodiverse because of the sleeping and the lining things up etc but I was exactly as you describe your daughter as a child and was just very much a perfectionist as a child and wanted things to be right or what I deemed to be right. It sounds like very hard work and I would say more exacting than my own toddlers but still within the realms of normal. Can you give her more choices or when she tantrums because you’re not doing it the way she wants just calmly explain you’re going to stop until she’s ready to listen/play without having a tantrum and distract with something else

Yeah I don’t think she’s neurodiverse. My husband was also similar as a child and I’m also a bit of a perfectionist. It’s the tantrums after that is draining or she will cry if things aren’t perfect.

yes I do the choices thing but I’ll be more consistent

Yes unfortunately lots of toddlers are like this, it can be a hard stage. Does she still nap in the day? If so it might be worth starting to stop that, it might help with the night wake ups.

I'm not going to lie. My daughter (neurotypical) at this age was really hard work. Some of the days, I just got through. Her tantrums were common and quite severe. She'd quite often go horizontal and screaming when we were somewhere. The good news is they get easier. I lowered my standards around the house, lowered expectations and just a case of time. I know the saying is very cliche.. but 'this too shall pass' used to come i to my head on difficult days. Daughter now rarely has tantrums at 4.5.

Yep. My DD is nearly 2.5 and tantrums over anything.

Thinks it’s funny to say no all the time.

Very physically clingy to me and won’t get off me when i am cooking or need to get things done.

Scratches me, bit of biting, bit of hitting and pinching.

Shit sleeper

And can’t decide what she wants. ‘I want it’ ‘i don’t want it’ ‘i want it’ ‘put it back’

I would say she's constantly overtired. 10-11 hours sleep is not enough.
I'd introduce an afternoon nap or quiet time. Will she lie in her cot listening to a story or music?

I remember at this age deciding I couldn’t handle it any more and we were going to have a day with no tantrums. So I gave her her own way in absolutely everything. And I mean everything. We got to mid afternoon and we drove to a particular park she loved. When I parked the car she freaked out. Turned out I had reversed into the space and she had wanted to go in frontwards. I think you really just have to wait it out. It will change. This too shall pass.

Some toddlers are harder work than others. It sounds like she's not getting enough sleep, which imo will make everything harder. I think she needs a nap or quiet time as pp suggested. What does the creche say about her behaviour there?

Definitely don't do a nap if she is waking at night, that'll make it worse. The average is 11-14 hours within 24 hours, and as low as 9 is normal. I don't think she's overtired, that's just how she is. My 18 month sleeps 10 hours overnight usually, and 45 min nap. I'd get her a few full days in nursery and go back to work, that's the only way I survive my toddler.

It seems like she isn’t getting enough sleep which may be affecting begaviour. If there’s anything that can be tried to increase the quantity or quality of sleep, perhaps with a sleep consultant, I would try that.