Three-year-old escaped car seat while driving, safer booster options?

[StripyFish24]

My 3yo casually appeared at my shoulder whilst k was driving us home on a 70mph road this weekend. No other adults in the car, just us and my older son. Thankfully j managed to pull off within a couple of minutes (first opportunity to do so; it was pretty terrifying as you can imagine). He’s desperate to go into a high backed booster like his older brother, and he is technically old enough and big enough, but it just doesn’t feel enough protection. Arguably more protection than a seat from which he can escape, though. Any advice appreciated - any journeys since then have been limited, very local on 30mph roads or with him in his brother’s seat. We tried borrowing a seat from a friend, which had a padded tray across his middle and used the adult strap, but he point blank refused to go in if, to the point that we abandoned plans and stayed within walking distance of the house all day. Thanks in advance!

Please excuse the typos!

I think it's a bit of a slippery slope to simply give in and let him sit in a booster seat. He needs to be told in no uncertain terms that is his seat and if he does it again there will be immediate consequences such as going straight home, not be 'rewarded' by being put in a booster seat.

A booster seat?! He’s 3! He should really be rear facing for as long as possible and in a chair that is using a 5 point harness; definitely not a seatbelt

Think there are clips you can use that make it harder for them to undo the harness but are safe if someone else has to undo them in an emergency.

Good few years since DC were in a car seat but I’m sure too young for a high backed booster

How scary! Did you give him an absolute bollocking at the time, I'm not a shouty parent but would be in that situation to make it clear how dangerous it is.

Hes clearly not mature enough for a booster as well being too young and small- the legal minimums are not the safest.

What seat is he in now and did he wriggle out or unclip? We used a besafe belt clip when we had a houndini phase but that was a younger toddler so not sure how you physically prevent unclipping.

I'm sure hes strong and strong willed but hes 3, he doesnt get to refuse to get in, he doesnt dictate your plans and he doesnt get to make decisions about his safety.

Hi OP,

That sounds really scary. I’d agree with the post above, he really is too young and likely only the bare minimum height / weight for using a booster seat. He’s also clearly not mature enough to understand the dangers of unclipping his seat belt or wriggling out of the harness (you don’t say how he got out) so I definitely wouldn’t be making is easier for him by putting him in a booster. What happens when he unclips this?

Ideally he’d be safer rear facing on a harnessed seat at his age, but there are some good FF harnessed options. @bertiebotts is a great source of knowledge on car seats. If he’s wriggling out of the harness it could be that he’s not fitted correctly in the seat. Are the straps the correct height? Pulled tight enough to pass the pinch test, but not so tight that they are uncomfortable? If all of this is correct then the BeSafe belt collector can be used to stop him wriggling out.

I’d start by explaining in an age appropriate way of how important it is that we keep our seat belts on whilst we’re in the car. I’ve heard some parents say that they’ve stopped the car if their child has unbuckled and explained that the car won’t work unless they’re safely strapped in. Perhaps explain that we only have our seat belts unclipped at the end of the journey when you’re parked up, and maybe give him the power to unclip then? Give him lots of praise when he does this appropriately. If it’s possible, you could try a few small journeys, perhaps to somewhere where he really wants to go. If he unclips before it’s safe to do so, then you go home. You could adopt the same approach if he’s wriggling out of the harness. Try to keep calm each time if he does unclip / wriggle out, to avoid it turning into a game (easier said than done I’m sure).

If all else fails and he’s unclipping, you could try some sticky Velcro on the release clip to make it uncomfortable to press on. Or final resort would be a buckle cover - in car safety centre sell one (I’d avoid the cheaper ones that you can get on Amazon) but carry a belt cutter in the car in case of emergency.

Hi. Firstly, thanks for all the judgement! Of course he was told how dangerous it was. He undid the clip. I’m vigilant about him being strapped in properly, I often double check even after my partner has fastened him in to make sure he’s in safely. He meets the required height/weight for a booster but I’m not comfortable with the idea, since I also think he’s too small for it. I’ve had a quick look online for safety devices to prevent him unclipping so I think that might be the way to go. Clearly I care about his safety or I wouldn’t be asking.

You can buy sticky Velcro cheaply on Amazon, a strip of the spiky side stuck onto the escape button was much more effective than any special device for us. I used to keep gardening gloves in the car so I could get my child out without lacerating my own fingers.

Was it the cybex seat with safety cushion? Reluctantly changed to that at 3, but it worked!

My small four year old is in a high backed booster (attached with isofix) and has been much happier since the switch. His old chair was getting increasingly difficult to get him in and out of, and also made him feel more car sick because of the way it wobbled. The rear facing brigade will tell you it’s child abuse but long term rear facing wasn’t an option for us due to sickness and I’d rather he was comfortable, as long as he’s meeting safety guidelines.

I would say though, he can easily unstrap himself now, which he never did with the full car seat harness. We’ve had to give him a telling off for unstrapping while we were straightening up in the car park, but he has taken that to heart and always asks if it’s safe to unstrap now.

If you genuinely don’t think he’s grown up enough to know he has to stay strapped in, I wouldn’t be moving him just yet.

Argh it's tricky when they have the ability to escape but not the understanding why they shouldn't.

Do you think he would understand that in order to have a high back booster seat like his big brother, he needs to be sitting properly and stay in the straps properly in his car seat? Use it almost as a motivator like he's working towards that goal. That allows you to delay it for a bit (it's better if he's over 4, or at least much closer to 4 than 3) AND impress the safety behaviour on him before he goes into a seat which is even easier to get out of.

I wonder also whether you could say to him that he needs to use the harness seat properly OR use the shield type seat your friend lent. He can choose between those two options but if he can't behave properly with the harness then you will choose the shield for him.

Three is probably a bit too little to understand the idea of laws, but you might be able to talk about seatbelts/car seats being a rule for everyone that the police can enforce.

Some children this age respond well to positive reinforcement as well e.g. making him the "safety manager" of the car and making sure everyone stays in their seatbelt properly, and then lots of praise and attention for doing such a good job staying safe and making sure everyone else is safe too, or a reward chart for being safe in the car.

In terms of prevention, the prickly side of velcro stuck onto the button can make it less appealing to young children as it hurts their fingers when they try to open it. As a last resort, you can also cover the buckle, by loosely tying a scarf or similar around it, or the In Car Safety Centre sell a heavy duty velcro cover (designed for children/adults with SN) but understand that if you do this, it is introducing a potential risk in the very rare event you were in an accident where he needed to be removed from the car urgently by a stranger who is unfamiliar with car seats. The reason all car seats have a prominent red button which undoes all the straps at once is because in the early days of car seats, there was at least one case of a child unable to be rescued from a burning car because the rescuer couldn't work out how to undo the seat quickly. Also, beware that you are not adding bulk behind the straps as this can introduce slack which can be a hazard in an accident directly.

Ah my DD did this when she was 2 😩😩 so scary but I did panic shout at her and she got the message. She’s 4 now and hasn’t done it since. She will undo herself when we stop but hasn’t ever done it again whilst driving. I’m sorry but 3 does seem really young for a booster. Do you think he understood properly? Is he generally good at following orders or a bit of a rebel?! I would probably play it by ear and just keep a good eye on him.

Hi everyone. Thanks for replying. To be clear, I don’t want him to be in a booster. He’s legally old enough and big enough so we’ve used it on literally 2 occasions on local roads while we’ve had no other option. My husband works away a lot so today is the first time we’ve been together since it happened and able to do anything about it. What I was really asking for was advice on how to make his existing 5 point harness seat safer, since he knows how to open the lock and it isn’t an issue with how he is sitting/strapped in. Ironically he would find it much harder to reach the strap in a booster than where it is currently, placed right in front of him in easy reach, but the whole feel of that type of seat doesn’t feel enough for him right now. On one journey since the incident he reminded me to strap him in (no, I hadn’t forgotten; yes we were stationary) so perhaps something has gone in.

Can he go into a high backed booster but with a harness?
We had a forward facing Joie one that had a harness that I think went up to 18kg and then you could take the harness off and use it with a seatbelt.

I highly recommend the extra safety clips you can buy. My DD did exactly the same thing whilst I was driving one day an scared me to death! We bought the extra clips and had no issues afterwards. Also just a reminder although you probably already have, to make sure the child lock is set on the door. We didn’t do this initially and one day she just happily opened the door whilst I was driving through town! Luckily in busy traffic so doing about 10mph. We learned a lot from her so by the time we had our second we were much more on the ball!

It's so frightening when they have the physical capability but not the understanding and it's something really safety-critical like a carseat!

If he does it again, the prickly side of velcro is definitely worth trying, a very simple deterrent that doesn't otherwise affect the functioning of the seat. Depending on the child, giving him the choice between the harness but only unclipping when you say he can or using the shield seat could also be effective. Sometimes making it his choice/a chance to prove himself really works.

I thought 3 was still in the age bracket when rear facing is still recommended, not high back boosters

My DS did this at about 3 or 4 and I drove him straight to a police station, marched him and and the person on the desk gave him an absolute bollocking, he never did it again.

I am not a shouty parent but DD2 did this once and I shouted so loud that I must have been heard three towns over. She was absolutely stunned and has never done it again.