Feeling so sad for my son whose dad does not give a f^*k

[sodoffbeforemycupofcoff]

My son is 2. His dad and I split when he was 3 months as he was volatile and violent infront of him. I stopped him seeing him after an incident but then he convinced me I was wrong and proceeded contact for around 8 months. My ex apologised promised he’d work on himself and wanted us back. Time had gone on and I’d believed him again. Stupidly. We got back together. Not before long he started once again. This time, worse. Almost like he was punishing me for leaving him for so long. The final straw was when one night he was really pushing me for sex when I’d said no a few times (luckily via text to proof as he was in the other room) and then after this he attacked me and my young child seen. He had me on the floor trying to rip my phone from my hands. I dropped my phone and grabbed my child. He wouldn’t let us leave easily. He had my phone and was threatening to destroy my car and belongings if I’d left and I was trying to keep things calm for my child. He was using my child a lot as a weapon during that last argument I was just waiting for the opportunity to leave. He was screaming at me and calling me all sorts infront of my son and he was scared the poor little thing. I was cuddling my son and protecting him from what I could. After this we left. I cut contact with him and his dad as to me he is not a safe human being for my child to be around. Since leaving he has tried a few times to contact me about access to my child via my family but I’ve constantly said no. Not after what is seen. Never again. I have never said he’s NOT seeing him. I have said he won’t be seeing him without a court order where i will explain my stance. He’s never applied to court.
I feel so sad on my son when I look at him. He is too good for this lowlife of a “man” who calls himself his dad. I feel so bad that when he’s older he has to deal with not having a father because his own couldn’t step up and sort him big man anger issues out. I’m repulsed in fact. To do such things infront of a child then not care to apologise or sort yourself out! It is ridiculous. I’d be jumping at anger management courses to prove myself. But my son has a sperm donar who just doesn’t give a shit. It breaks my heart for him. My poor, precious, adorable little boy.

But this is what you had a child with so I have to perfectly honest and ask why on earth you would expect anything different? he is who he is and just because you got pregant does not change thiis, this is the father your child will always have now

does anyone honestly change to this extent? you cant do anything except navigate this poor child through this

Perhaps he wasn’t like that when she got PG?

He was definitely somewhat the same but definitely not to this extent. He always posed to be a brilliant father (he has other children) but I don’t know what happened behind closed doors. Everything came to light when I was pregnant. The abuse worsened unfortunately and while yes you are correct in what you’re saying, if you haven’t experienced abuse, you wouldn’t understand it. It’s so complex and is not as easy as “just leave” they will convince you it’s your fault with examples and make you believe it. “If you come back and if you don’t do that everything would be fine. I was never like this with my exs it’s because you did XYZ” you absolutely believe that because your self worth and self esteem is shattered. It’s a brutal situation. If it wasn’t for my children I’d completely still be there and likely dead. Luckily for me, they gave me the courage to leave. Yes, I could have chosen better but I also was not about to take my child’s life with an abortion because his dad’s an arse whole. I rolled the dice. I was dealt the cards I was dealt. Big girl pants on and time to get on with life with decisions I have made, but my lovely son doesn’t deserve this and it breaks my heart. Maybe I just wanted a rant? Maybe the whole decision lies heavy on my chest so I want reassurance my decision to stop contact was right (I know it was, but it doesn’t mean I don’t wonder if my son will hate me for it when he is older).
had he been like this prior to pregnancy I’d never have even stayed, to get pregnant. He thought he had me hook line and sinker when I fell pregnant and so he made my life HELL from day 1.

It does sound like you’ve been through hell. These abusive men are convincing. It sounds as though he pours a lot of effort into projecting an image of how he wants to appear to others rather than have them believe who he really is. Then a lot of effort into making you doubt your own mind.

I’ve not experienced abuse anything like this but that doesn’t mean that you don’t have my sympathy

Well done for getting you and your DS out. You made absolutely the right decision. Your DS might not be happy in years to come but you can let him know that you encouraged his Dad to apply for contact and he just never did.

I think you sound very level headed and have done exactly the right thing.