Should I ask nursery to move my son away from a friend?

[FTMaz]

Hi everyone

sorry bit of a long one I will try and keep it as brief as possible! My son is 2 years old and attends nursery 4 days a week. There is another child there let’s call him Sam who he buddied up with very early on in the baby room - they have moved through the rooms together. We also see Sam sometimes at the local soft play. It’s always been apparent to me that Sam is very much the leader out of the 2 and my son let’s call him James happily followed and played with him but was very much led. I didn’t have a problem with this as he seemed happy. Also Sam is quite rough with other children and his mum has been spoken to by nursery about this. However I’ve never seen him do anything to James. James by all accounts is quite a soft natured, quiet child (not like me 😂) he is not the sort of child to snatch toys back when taken from him or hit and push back. When he originally moved up to his current room a nursery worker made a comment to me that it was the ‘crazy’ room and she was surprised he’d gone into that one not the other one. Last week James spent a day in this other room which I was told was for ratio reasons - when I collected him the room supervisor made a comment around him being much more suited to the calmer environment of that room. Today when I collected him I had a chat with his key worker who told me she feels he is influenced by Sam - that James likes to create things and sit but James will come and pull him away. I get the impression (maybe wrongly so) that James is quite well liked by the staff and that Sam causes some issues for them. Anyway she then went on to say that when he was put in the room the other week it was actually to separate them and that the tried to put Sam first but he caused a fuss so they put James instead. Another member of staff who witnessed this conversation also commented that the other room would be better for James.

I am now obviously concerned about what I thought was positive friendship (bearing in mind they are 2!). I am also wondering if I should consider requesting James be moved to the other room or is this another unnecessary change? Would really value the opinions of people who have been through similar as I feel a bit lost about how to approach it.

Thanks you

Ask the key person or room leader if they think your son would benefit from moving rooms.

It seems like they are scared to say! It was the key worker I spoke to today.

You don't have to reference Sam. You can say you'd support a move to the other room if they feel James would get more out of being in that room.

I would do as above, but honestly, there will always be a Sam. I do think, short of violence, this is a great opportunity for building social skills and resilience. It could be he benefits from some distance and they should be able to tell you that directly if they’re a decent nursery. Stop hanging out with him though. Eventually, he will find other friends especially when all the new 3 year olds begin soon.