Toilet training 2.5 year old after four days with no success, keep going or pause?

[WiseRubyRobin]

2.5 yo DD is super smart and communicates really well. She was happy talking about wee and poo and also would go for quite a while with dry nappies so was showing the signs of readiness for toilet training. We decided to start it over the long bank holiday weekend and put her in new pants (she chose) with an option of a potty or a special seat on the big toilet. A sticker reward chart and bag of presents if she managed anything in either location. So far she will happily sit in both locations, but won’t do anything and then will have accidents elsewhere, sometimes less than 5 mins after we’ve got off the toilet.

We don’t make a big deal about the accidents and instead say that’s ok next time we will try to get that in the toilet. She went to nursery/daycare today and the same thing happened - dry for long periods but a couple of big accidents and no success on the toilet. This is Day 4 - should we expect to have seen some progress by now?

Whilst she’s been sat on the toilet we have also tried:
reading books
singing songs
blowing bubbles
playing with our hands and feet in warm water
cuddles and tickles
gently rubbing back / tummy

She just doesn’t seem to want to release the wee in that location. I’m at a loss! Should we give up and try again another time or power on through? If we literally had even one success I’d feel like we were making a little progress!

I wouldn't give up, but I would totally overhaul how you're approaching this. Don't tell her it's ok - it's not. Wee on the floor is not ok so why tell her that it is? That's confusing. Say something like "wee and poo go in the potty. We'll try again next time". Not getting upset, but definitely not saying it's fine.

I'd ditch the pants and go bare bummed for a couple of days. Make sure you can reach her and the potty at all times. Literally. Once the wee starts you lift her onto the potty to finish it off. That's only possible if child and potty are reachable. You also watch her like a hawk. It'll be fun for her, loads of 1-1 attention. Knackering for you. But it's the support she needs to learn a totally new skill.

Both of mine cracked it within a day or so by doing the above. Only took one or two mid wee moves for them to get a look of concern when they were about to wee which meant I could say "wees in the potty" and we'd get there in time.

Good luck!

When I potty trained my DS at around this age it took him over a week before he had a successful wee on the potty. But I persevered because I really wanted him to be out of nappies (I hate changing nappies!) and it clicked around day 7/8.

Once they do that first wee or poo it will feel better.
loads of praise and also not too much pressure on yourself that it needs to be done in a few days- that doesn’t work for every child

That’s for the reply, yes I think we may have to go back to basics by the weekend if no progress. I should have added in my original post that I’m 31 weeks pregnant with no.2 so am being as quick as I can with catching her but I’m also moving about as fast as an articulated lorry 😬

This gives me hope thank you 🤞🏼 nursery are keen for us to carry on so we shall see

yes you’re right I think mostly the pressure is me putting it on myself!!!

Why would you pause? You've started now - a teeny (non treat shaped)!reward might help, my daughter was obsessed with cherry tomatoes....

I was more asking if we should pause if the signs of her not managing to do it on the potty at all meant she wasn’t ready for it. We have got treats for her but it doesn’t seem to motivate her (normally she is a pretty treat motivated child!)

We had similar with DD1. I left it maybe 3 months and then one day she told me only babies wear nappies, and that was it - immediately switched to pants and with no accidents. I wanted her potty trained by 3 regardless, but giving her those extra few months just meant she was entirely ready. I can honestly say it was the least stressful part of parenting that we’ve had!

As I said, you've started now - it'd be a step backward to stop. Just my thoughts but you were asking for opinions 🙃

Yes I agree with everyone here. At the moment she doesn’t connect the feeling of having a full bladder and then letting go willingly for that wee. That is the issue, and it can take a few days for her to connect the dots - feeling a sudden overwhelming feeling and then getting wet. Catching the wees mid stream will really help. Going back to nappies wont help her connect to that feeling.

You can also try taking her to the toilet when you go - it works with my little girl. She has a potty and if I have a wee at the same time in the toilet it triggers her to use the potty (sound / copying?). Worth a try. You can also try running a tap for a while. Also having a routine can help (right after waking, before/after food, before bed).

Good luck - for her to hold her pee for long periods of time is already a huge step forward, so she could be ready soon.

I think to update, she is now withholding wee at home and making herself uncomfortable. She told me this morning she ‘didn’t want to wee’, so I don’t know if we have hit a block we are not going to get past!!