Four-year-old anxious about toileting after nursery accident and refusing outings

[YourSillySeal]

I think my 4 year old is developing anxiety.

My child has been potty trained since just before 2 years old. Has always been really good with dry nights etc, the odd accident but nothing to stress over.

However, LO had an accident at nursery and it’s absolutely set her back, she refuses to leave the house unless she knows where we are going has a toilet and even then it takes alot of convincing. She keeps asking “why I’m taking her to nursery when she doesn’t want to go” “why can’t I stay at home”- this has now been going on for weeks with no end in sight. Trying to reassure her that’s it’s ok to go to the toilet when she needs to, she’s goes around every 15 minutes at home and I’m trying my hardest not to make a big deal about it.

It’s truly heartbreaking for her sake, I want her to be back to her happy chatty self. But this has truly knocked her confidence and is exhausting when we need to just nip to the shop or go out and have family time etc.

she starts school in September and I’m really worried this will affect her confidence and how she approaches school life.

has anyone been through this or similar?

Sounds dramatic but I feel broken, seeing her in such a shell and not wanting to do anything.

TIA

Could you get a carry potty? Let her choose the design and then take it with you wherever you go so she always has an option if she needs the toilet. She doesn't have to use it and you could find a public toilet but at least she has the security if you're out that you could find a private spot to use the potty.

Also if she reacts like this when going to nursery, have you spoken to them about it? Is the layout of the room she's in or environment making her feel she doesn't have free access to the toilet? Definitely worth discussing this whole change in her confidence and behaviour with them and see what they propose.

Really hope she gets her confidence back soon, bless her little heart.

Thank you so much for your response, I hadn’t thought of a carry potty. It’s definitely something I will look into! We both have a potty in our cars just in case.

it’s just so heartbreaking, I think it all stems from the changes surrounding school and perhaps embarrassment.

We really struggle with meeting new friends for her too, her bestfriend moved away a little while ago and it hit hard. I just want my smiley, confident little girl back. 😢

Forgot to mention it is something I have spoken to nursery about on multiple occasions, we do not have the best history regrettably. They have stepped up their game completely this year (which is the only reason I’ve kept her in this setting).

I am truly hoping school will help her, it’s going to be hard but she has a good support system.

Maybe look into why she is going every 15 mins as well. That is very frequent for a child who has been toilet trained for a while.

Did nursery make a massive deal of it?!

These things do stick in your mind. I still remember wetting myself once when I was 5 and even now 50 years later need to know where the toilet is as I get anxious about it.

It won’t be to actually go. It’ll be to try and squeeze it out. I do it myself as I also have toilet anxiety.

It may be worth asking the GP to send a urine sample off to check she doesn't have an infection. That could be causing an increase in frequency and urgency.

Thank you all for your input it’s greatly appreciated 😁 she seems a lot better today but back at nursery tomorrow. Nursery I believe made a comment saying “you don’t need to go you’ve just been” which in hindsight is absolutely correct but she’s now worried she’s going to get into trouble for asking 🫣 she has been checked for an infection but she’s clear, thank goodness. I think it’s more out of embarrassment. We’ve managed 3 outings today without asking to use the toilet- which is a huge improvement. I feel the more out of the house we are, the better she’s getting.