Stool withholding toddler

[GreatPeachPanda]

I am desperate for anyone to share their experience with stool withholding.

my 3 year old holds his stools to the point he only goes overnight / in his sleep. This has been the case both before and after he’s been potty trained. He will do wees on the toilet but if he needs a poo (it is obvious when this is) he cries if you suggest he sits on the toilet. He is so distressed at having to hold it.

the GP has been useless other than prescribing Macrogol which we are using to keep everything soft.

we have treated for possible fecal impaction to rule out any blockage but the GP cannot feel anything in a physical examination.

this has been happening 6 months and is having such a negative effect on our whole family and I feel completely alone with it all.

we’ve paid for a private consultation with a psychologist and are trying every possible but of advice given but nothing is working.

I feel my only option now is to find a private paediatrician who might help us

anyone been through this?’ It’s heartbreaking to have a child who feels so unsafe in his own body that he doesn’t feel he can have a poo :(

I would be very careful not to over-medicalise this as it sounds like a psychological thing rather than physical and the medical route can lead to years of lactolose etc unnecessarily.

It's positive that he's going each night and once a day at three I would have thought was very normal. The night time timing suggests he can go when relaxed.

Hard as it is to be detached and I can imagine it's very stressful and very difficult not to think 'Is this going to go on forever?' - try (/fake) detachment, acceptance and curiosity when he feels the urge but gets upset - gosh, this feels really hard for you. You really don't like this. It'd hard to let it go. I wonder what could help -putting a nappy on can help some to let go, watching poo goes to pooland video, sitting on potty or on toilet with footstool, anything that will relax or even make him laugh will help. Blowing bubbles on the potty is great as iit's mpossible to clench while blowing out.

All if these are helpful and of course keeping a non-binding diet.
Sensory play can also help separately, foam, slime are often attractive cmfor working through this type of thing.

I've worked with children in play therapy on these issues. Some therapists do go on to use a type of CBD together with a type of reward chart.

My heart goes out to you as I know how difficult it is not to get dragged into it yourself and maybe feel mad/impatient and frustrated - all completely understandable as it is so stressful. I hope those ideas might be some help.

one of mines struggles with this. We eventually worked out that he was scared of going, but for ages we thought it was constipation. I second the idea for bubbles. It worked wonders for DS and after several times using them he realised that going to the toilet wasn’t as frightening as he thought.