5y.o. poo probs😭

[Kath1989]

Hey everyone.

looking for some advice. My daughter recently turned five and goes through phases of having no.2 accidents. Sorry to be grim with the detail, but it’s not a full on poop in her pants, it’s like she holds on as long as she can until there’s a bit in her pants. I usually realise at this stage (usually I can get a whiff!!) and bring her to the loo and she does the rest in the toilet.

she’s been potty trained since before turning 3, and it went great (or so I thought) but this issue keeps coming up over and over. She will go for weeks with no issues at all and then all of a sudden it’s like she forgets she’s potty trained. (Never an issue with pee though)

every time it crops up, we start a new sticker chart (sticker for going for a poo with clean knickies) and usually a bit of positivity / a treat at the end of the chart etc and we can sort it out for another while. However I must be on my tenth sticker chart this time and I’m really done, the cycle keeps repeating, I just feel like the softly softly approach is not working. I feel like I need to take a harder line because she is at an age now where she goes to a couple of activities during the week and goes to her cousins house for sleepovers but I feel like I can’t let her do those things as I’m too wary of toilet issues. She needed to be changed 3 times in preschool this week and I really want to sort this out before starting primary in September.

we never use punishments or threats to teach her things (to be honest we just haven’t needed to and I don’t think they really work long term) but I’m at the point where I feel like I need to take something away until we can sort this out. I’m thinking of saying no sweet treats until we’re back on track? I’m always very patient and kind with her but honestly for her sake I feel like I need to draw a line under this one. I’m also keeping her home from preschool this week so we can work on it.

any ideas or suggestions?! I think this issue frustrates me so much as I also don’t understand it! She doesn’t ever seem distressed by pooing or never mentions it hurts or anything like that!

I had this too, as did two friends with kids the same age. For us, she was holding on and doing massive poos when she did go (along with accidents in between) after a period of constipation. She'd had a couple of painful ones and avoided it as much as possible - making it much worse. Counter intuitively, the doc gave us some mild laxative (can't remember what it was but was a syrup thing that went into drinks) which meant that we could have the conversation with her about how she hadn't had a painful poo in a while and needed to go when she first felt it. Seemed to work. Another friend solved in a similar way. The third friend had real problems, though and her child sees a specialist about it. She now year 2 and still has accidents though it is improving.

Have you had a chat with a doctor of health visitor to check there isn't something underlying? It's not uncommon but I found that reward charts didn't work for us because it wasn't really 'behavioural', it was fear (of pain) based.

Apologies for the typos - should have proof read!

I did have a chat with our gp but to be honest I was fobbed off a bit, he pretty much asked why was I there if she wasn’t sick but I might try speak to our public health nurse.

that’s a really good point about the sticker chart and it not being behavioural. The weird thing is though that it does work temporarily which I find odd, but it doesn’t seem to be yielding long term results.

I might try the laxative and speak to the pharmacist about it! It’s hard to know what advice to follow because other folks recommended a fibre supplement but I feel like that could potentially make things worse.

good to know we aren’t the only ones❤️