Nobody wants to play with my child!

[Desperatemother93]

My son is 3, he is very social and constantly looking for children to play with, but unfortunately most children don't want to play with him, he has good time in the nursery and has lots of friends, the issue is when we go to parks or play area, most people don't want their children to play with him mostly is the parents not wanting their children playing with him. And it puts me in a weird place because he keeps asking me why the children don't want to play with me? I tell him sorry I will play with you but he still unhappy, it has become so stressful that I avoid going out with him, because if I do he wants to go to playground and most of the time the children just wanna play by themselves but he wants to play with them and if he doesn't listen I take him home and he starts crying for many hours about it, or I give him some candy or ice cream to keep him quite,,, nowadays I do all my shopping and errands online or
when he is in the nursery, I am thinking about increasing his hours or having another baby just to play with him because I feel he is very lonely and a social person, I don't understand why is it like that? when I was growing up I was very popular had lots of friends from all backgrounds everyone wanted to play with me, when we go out we used to find many children to play with my parents let's us play outside all day and we just went home to eat and sleep, but now that I have a son I see no one wants to play with him,I feel like I had children in the wrong times, people sometimes leave because of him because he keeps trying to play with their children and I have to physically grab him and take him home, and he starts crying all day I don't want to go home I want to play it breaks my heart to hear it, ,,How do you deal with such situation? Many people told me have another baby to play with him.

So he gets it then? Not everyone wants to play

So you just need to be consistent with that message. He is 3 he won’t know how to respond in social situations so you need to model to him.

I also agree with Pp that bribing/consoling with food isn’t a good route to take

Unless you think there's a reason it's personal, I wouldn't add that 'with you' part at the end when you're explaining to him, because it's making it sound like it might be something that's wrong with him. Keep it more generic and say they don't want to play, or their parents wants their kids to play by themselves.

I think that talking to him before such events happen is a good idea and rehearsing what it looks like to try and find entertainment by himself. He's so small that he's just figuring out how to handle disappointment and will be doing that for some time.

He just sounds very extroverted, social and confident. That's great, but he just needs to be prepared that other kids aren't ready for this or won't be like this.

Well you cant expect people to always do exactly what YOU want….if you take an only child to a play park I think you have to be prepared to play with them, and if another child joins in then that’s a bonus. You made it sound like nobody ever wants to play but you’ve said here that they often do, so I don’t think you can really complain. My DD is the same and will always want other kids to play with but they don’t always reciprocate - some kids just aren’t as social. Maybe try explaining this and the fact that everyone is different. I’m not sure why you have to go home if kids don’t want to play? Just play with him yourself?

A common problem OP, so common the BBC are making a show about it (which I hope will help many parents).

https://www.instagram.com/p/DWCO34RiFeW/

It seems very odd, poor boy. Maybe try some different playgrounds. Where I live, my 1 year interacts with the other kids. They're not always impressed by him, so I don't let him annoy them. Most of the parents bring multiple beach toys so it doesn't matter if they get borrowed in the sandpit and everyone gets told they need to share. I thought socialisation was most of the point of playgrounds, and learning you'll get pushed off the slide if you're a little shit.

TBH, neither of my kids interacted that much with peers at 3, they just parallel-played, I wouldn't necessarily expect kids that age to really play together.

Agreeing with others saying 3yos typically just don't play with one another very much at all, and are particularly unlikely to play with a random stranger.

Are you playing with him?

This is quite odd! Parents just decide that they don’t want their DC to play with your DS and he is only 3?

3 year olds are just learning to play and social play is not fully developed yet.

DPs are teaching their DC to play at this age. How much play can your DC do in a park with other DC, at the age of 3, OP?

He cries for hours? He cries all day?

In my experience, as a DM and DGM, three year olds cannot really make the decision to play together in a park.

DPs do not leave their DCs sides in a park at 3.

When DC have played together in a park it involves DPs standing side by side and having a little chat, no eyes off DC.

At nursery it is totally different to a park environment.

No friends, family, cousins obviously. Is there a local authority group you could look at getting involved with.

OP, your DC is 3, he is an innocent. Other parents don’t have a problem with him.

I think OP 3 year olds demand a lot of unreasonable things and get upset if they don’t get it. Sometimes very upset because maybe it’s a difficult day / they’re also tired, hungry etc. I wouldn’t make a big deal out of it because you stressing about the situation will be picked up by your son. He won’t be the only upset toddler who didn’t get what he wanted! He will learn.

To all the people suggesting to get him a baby sibling so he always has company… 🤦‍♀️ Actually don’t even know where to start

What exactly is he doing when he wants to play that is causing upset? Is he just asking the other dc to play or is he doing something like touching them or interfering with what they are doing? I'm trying to understand what is causing the upset.

I think the issue here is your ds' ability to cope, really. Can you play some games with toys to act out what to do when you want to play and help him build his social skills? Can you maybe agree explicitly "you can ask a child to play but if they say no or don't respond then you can do x instead"?

It sounds a bit as though you wish the other dc would go along with your ds, rather than focusing on how to help your ds understand he can't always control the actions of others.

sorry to read this OO, distressing for you both. My child is an only child too she is 16 months old and sociable too. She will totally hold another child’s hand at soft play! What you described is my my fear too - the rejection (which she won’t understand). Most people are accepting and let the kids crack on but if she is being a pest (rarely) I can distract quite easily with toy or doing something I know she will want to copy….example I can pretend to put something in my handbag or pocket and miss nosey Parker will be right over…it works for now as she is only little. She is with a nanny so not at nursery and they do loads of classes where I think she gets her dose of socialising. I think rather than having another baby why not increase his nursery hours? Or get him into an activity? Swimming, art, music etc? (No experience just a thought) and sorry this is stressing you out! I feel you

@Desperatemother93 Do not give sweets or food to comfort- a hug is better. Otherwise he might turn to food for comfort when older and have an eating disorder.

What I did with DS1 (autistic) when younger was that I invented games that all children in the playground wanted to play. Parents were happy because I was an unpaid baby-sitter and kids were happy and most importantly to me: my son got to learn how to interact socially and I was next to him ready to intervene if he "pestered" someone or broke some social rules. You can just bring a ball (light) or frisbee (soft) or play hide and seek and you could search and the children hide. They LOVE having an adult play with them. It's a win win situation.

Have you tried taking toys? My DD was like this at this age and I would always take two pots of bubbles, two buckets and spades and two balls to our local park, which has a sandpit. Never failed to get another child to join in, generally they play best alongside at that age. I wouldn't let my DD go up to other children and ask though, as I know I hate feeling I'm going to have to look after someone else's kid or worse make small talk with their parent, I go to the park for a break as my DD plays nicely there for ages.

He's pestering kids to play at 3? My kids barely even cared about other kids at 3 😂

I really feel for you, my 3 year old always excitedly talks about 'his friends' who will be at the park. It always makes me sad because it's rare there is anyone there who will play with him. Sometimes the children just aren't interested which I guess is fine, but I do notice that parents just don't seem to want their kids to engage much with other children anymore.

Try reading him some social stories about making friends and accepting no etc. It might just be that he’s not playing in a way that the other children like or they’re too young to really engage. Maybe try taking him to some group activities so he can play with other kids without fixating on one kid that doesn’t want to play.

It is hard. My 2 year old would become very distressed if they were being pestered to play by essentially a stranger to them. Only interested in playing by themselves, mum, dad or their little best friend who they know well right now. Maybe make some mum friends with children similar age and build up that relationship.

I don't my child knew what humas were then, And having another child so your child has a 'toy' to play with is odd a child is not an accessory

Why not go to some play groups where kids are there to play with others, eg church play groups, or farm tots, music groups or forest school etc. it sounds to me like you’re going to the park too much where parents are doing 1 on 1 time. Find some more social places.

You sound a bit dramatic to be honest! He is very young. Kids at his age very often play alone or with their parents/siblings, not other kids. I have 3 kids (5,3 & 1 year old). What I noticed is around 4.5-5 they go and play with lots of other kids. My 3 year old is super sociable and I see him usually hanging out with older kids in the playground or kids his age that always have older siblings so very used to that.

Instead of going home, can you not distract him, by saying " let's go and see the ducks" or "we haven't been to the tunnel today, let's go and have a look in there" or take a frisbee to play with on the grass. Don't let the pestering and wanting to play with others, build up, as soon as he starts and no one is interested, whisk him away with an upbeat suggestion of another activity.

He might enjoy some junior sports, swimming, rugby tots or u5 soccer. He sounds like a busy boy so I would enrol him in a few activities.