Helping my 13-year-old with autism and ADHD understand others better

[Yetanothernamechange23]

My DS is 13 and has autism and ADHD.

his behaviour in class is consistently poor. He gets almost daily detentions for talking in class, being disruptive or showing disrespect to others.

He isn’t a malicious person- it’s mainly coming from a place of impulsivity. But I just can’t get through to him how damaging this is to his education.

its also going to affect his relationships. The patience of his teachers is wearing thin, and I worry his friends are tiring of his OTT behaviour.

whats worse is he seems to have no awareness of how his behaviour impacts others. That the bit I actually find most upsetting.

he also seems oblivious to me, his dad or teachers advice. I know that’s also a teenage thing, but he just can’t be guided.

is there a way of getting kids with ( mild ) autism to understand other people, read the room and show a bit more empathy?

Does he have a behaviour support plan/ pastoral support plan in place? What reasonable adjustments are school giving him for his diagnoses?

kids with ASD need direct coaching. Some social skills won’t come naturally.

That’s literally one of the core issues with autism - they don’t have a good theory of mind of how others are thinking.

it actually tends to be worse if they are aware as they still can’t stop themselves but you get guilt and shame and self harm afterwards.

It’s all a bit ad hoc. He gets breaks, but doesn’t like to use them because they mark him out as different.

im not sure teachers really understand the difficulties

Does anyone know how to make AuDHD kids understand consequences?

he just doesn’t get long term implications like poor grades/ lack of opportunities in the future.

do consequences have to be immediate?

I think rather than have Ad Hoc arrangements, I would make these it more formal by applying for an ECHP as that can assist him at college too.

Rather than looking at consequences, can you look at what barriers he had to stop him studying now?

Does he have a high protein breakfast and lunch?

Does he do any exercise? And do techniques like body doubling work?

How does he fair on this simple progress checker?

Would you consider medication for his ADHD? You say it’s his impulsivity that’s causing this , rather than maliciousness , but you also seem to think he could stop himself if only he understood. While there’s a certain degree of managing and coping mechanisms, he won’t turn into a model/quiet student just because you got him to understand how annoying and disruptive his behaviours are.

I do agree with this. Your DS isn’t at fault because he doesn’t understand how his behaviour affects others and you can’t change how he is. You can put in support for him and look actively for strategies to help a teen with ADHD, but he’s not going to stop being who he is.

You also mention that he doesn’t want to appear different to his peers. Do you talk about what a huge advantage having ADHD can be and talk about successful people who are ND?

What's his breakfast like? My ADHD ds needs nothing but protein otherwise he is a nightmare at school.

I’d speak to your GP and also the school and ask them for advice. They must have experienced this before and found ways of putting plans into place.
however if they’ve put something in place and he doesn’t want to do that, then they need to look at an alternative, or try to encourage him to engage.
It must be hard tho for everyone, you, him and the teachers. Hopefully if you speak to them you can come up with a plan.

This is great in theory but DC2’s school could not have been worse at support ND.

I’m so sorry to hear that.
can you escalate to the governors/ local education authority and say you feel his needs aren’t being met??

Luckily she’s out of school now. Just wanted to point out that not all schools are helpful and sometimes it’s best to apply for the ECHP yourself

It’s a shame when they aren’t supportive sorry you’ve had a bad experience.

I might try protein. It’s usually cereal which will be high in sugar. Thanks for suggestion

Have you and DS looked at strategies to try and help his ADHD symptoms? Sites.like How to ADHD can be helpful.

But yes, do talk to him about which breakfasts that are high in protein that he’d like to try and why protein is beneficial to an ADHD brain.