Potty training at 19 months: persevere now or pause for a while?

[Jodierosemarie]

My daughter is 19 months and we've been trying to potty train her for a few weeks now, at first she got it after three days and was running to the potty herself, clapping for herself and saying wee wee
Then she just completely regressed, just stands there while peeing, sometimes says weewee but mostly won't

I have a theory it's because I was putting her in nappies to go to friends houses and shops, someone I spoke to was saying "when you're potty training that's it, youve gotta dive in" and now I think I've confused her

I'm at almost a week of her peeing on the floor, she's stayed dry when going to the shops but I think that's just luck?

She's stupid smart and can say multiple words, she's climbing, jumping, dancing and learning specific dances, so I feel she's ready but people around me automatically tell me "she's so little it's okay to give up for now" and I'm not really getting any advice :/ is there anything I can do to keep my sanity? Should I give up for now? I feel like I've put in so much time and effort it'd be a huge step back to stop

Persevere, it will be worth it.

I had the same with my dd. It was like a fun game to her for 4 days and then she didn't want to play it anymore. I gave up as though she was intelligent enough to understand, she wasn't mature enough to care. 6 months later it's a different ballgame.

Keep going!
I found “oh crap potty training” book super helpful for this age potty training.
it made things super easy for us.

Please be aware that there will be many people who will ignore anything beyond the last 30 years to tell you that early training is either impossible or wrong.
the fact that your DC could succeed when the novelty was there tells you that it is possible for children under two to train.
you didn’t mention your child’s self-help skills around dressing etc. that might be worth practising with them. I think I would try for another few days to a week as you know she can do it, but if she has definitely decided not to, you could give it a break.

You can persevere but honestly I wouldn't want to spend months cleaning up accidents, changing clothes and doing extra laundry when she's clearly not fully made the link.

She's still very young and in 6 months time you're likely to have much more success in her ability to understand the process, remove her own clothes and for it not to feel like a novelty or a new game.

Maybe try cloth nappies or washable pullups. Then she'll be wet and cold enough for motivation but you won't have a puddle.

It's up to you OP. If you persevere she will get the hang of it in the end as it sounds like she's "ready enough". But it will probably be quicker if you leave it a bit. So it depends how much you want to get it done and dusted and how patient you're willing to be!

Also how does it work with going to playgroups, to the shops, etc? I have cloth nappies but didn't know if they might confuse her too, I'm so anxious about her peeing on a carpet in a shop 😭

Thank you everyone for your comments so far!

Why bother now? Mine is 19 months and hasn’t been crossed my mind to potty train, everyone told me it’s easier when they’re older.

So, the going out is an issue for everyone. It's still an issue with fully toilet trained 3 ear old that occasionally has accidents.

1. Get a potable potty, one of the ones that seals with a lid. They are expensive but a lifesaver.
2. Pack spare clothes to take everywhere. Even if you don't often need them, the confidence that it'll be okay helps.
3. Buy plastic shoes you can wipe off (crocs, jelly sandles)
4. Shift any delusion that you will carry less stuff now you don't need nappies.

If its really bad, I'd start carrying puppy pads you can pop under her quickly if she's standing their weeing, or get her to sit on. Clothes soak up quite a bit of wee, so you often get a few seconds for damage limitation.

Then, you take them out immediately after a wee. Probably you have 2 hours or so before they'll go again. You take them into every bathroom you see "to try" or sit them on the potty at least every hour.

It's actually not that bad. We've had a fair few "in the street" potty usages, but a carefully parked pushchair and standing close can usually give them privacy.

Try to stop caring what others think too much!

I trained one of mine (DS) at 18 months and the other (DD) at 22 months - timing was based on weather and when I could take annual leave - there wasn’t much difference in readiness/how long it took.

I used oh crap and I think it’s a good method, but you have to commit and really dedicate a few days to it - I think I had a full week off work for DC1 and we did it over a bank hol weekend + 1 extra day with DC2. It confuses them to go back into nappies so that may be the issue with your DD.

Saying that, I think she is still so going you could afford to do a reset and restart in a few months.

@Peonies12 it depends on how much later - the sweet spot is probably around 24 months. Once you go much past that they become more set in their ways, more stubborn/wilful, and it generally takes longer and is harder (though of course that’s not what nappy companies want you to think).

My worse wee moments, incidentally, have always been when I forgot the portable potty was still full. Rushing to open it up for a second wee and... out it all comes.

And then the toddler wees on the floor while I panic about the wee I just spilt all over myself.

Another mum, her daughter just let go while sat on her lap in a cafe. All over her mum and the chair.

Was a brief time when I was carrying a spare pair of leggings for me!!

If you're ever feeling anxious, just remember, some mum has been there before... but this period does only last a few months and then, next thing you know, they don't even ask for help wiping anymore.

Gold post this!

19 months is still very young, but you really do just need to pick 2 weeks when you pretty much don’t leave the house. No nappies except at night, though I sometimes slipped them on for the long afternoon nap. If you can push it off to 2-2.5 that nap will be gone so it will be much easier, but mine would still nap sometimes at 2. The furthest we ventured in 2 weeks was a walk down the lane and a quick 2 minute drive to the playground in the next village. But honestly no I wouldn’t bother at 19 months. It’s still probably quite early and she will benefit from the language development that happens around 2 to really get it.

Thinking about it, I also discovered that wellies are amazing wee catchers... maybe not one for summer, but a puddle suit and wellies will protect most floors.

Clean up is not fun, though.

I think the 'best age' depends on the individual child and family circumstances tbh. My two wee 2 yrs 2 months and 2 yrs 9 months and both trained very easily within a few days (not saying they never had accidents after that of course but for the most part they had got it by then). The only difference I saw really was the one that was older was logistically much easier going out and about because they had a notably bigger bladder capacity so a lot less potty trips needed. Also the were physically bigger and coped with public toilets fine after a couple of weeks whereas we were taking the bloody carry potty around for months with the younger one.

For the vast majority of kids and families, once you get past around 2.5 it gets harder to potty train, not easier. The concept of “readiness” was invented by pampers and they’ve cashed in as a result.

We tried with my son and 2 and half, it was the worst weekend. I followed the oh crap book - didn’t work for me. Paused and tried again a few months later, about a month before he turned 3. He got it immediately, then within a month after that he was dry overnight on his own. he had accidents for maybe the first couple of weeks at nursery. After that, never.
everyone I know that potty trained earlier had multiple accidents for months.
It’s ok to do it whenever you are both ready

you May be right that putting nappies on has confused her. I think at 19months she’s young enough that you could stop and try again in a couple of months. But I wouldn’t wait too long or you will end up with behaviour issues in the mix.

A ‘special’ thin cushion just for her with a water proof cover or plastic bag under the cover may make trips out a bit easier at the start. Otherwise make it trips outside or very short trips for the first few days.

Mine were about 2 and a half and so was my niece. My 4 nephews were all over 3 being typical lazy boys!

Mine were trained under 2 and never had accidents after the first week. In my experience this is something that people say to make themselves feel better about not doing it earlier. If a child has accidents it doesn’t mean that they were trained too early, it means that they were trained unsuccessfully.

I’d keep going but dedicate a week to really getting it right (ie be ready and near a toilet). Work out how much you’d save in £££s by doing it now.

This is a fantastic post, very helpful advice. My boy was a little older, but not much, and they certainly can get it at that age I think, it may just take a wee (pun intended!) bit longer. I stayed home a lot in the first couple of weeks I seem to recall, just to really get the basics working before venturing out. Best of luck!

Have you seen my carry potty?

I'd get one of them.and crack on.
I think once you say no nappies you just commit to it.
Nappies can stay for naps / night.
Although we drop ped quickly.

I did my dd at 25m as she seemed ready.
We basically had no accidents that werent "user error" (ie at childcare) her after day 4 or 5.

I gave pretty much 100% commitment to training for 4 solid days it was exhausting but amazing afterwards.

Have you read oh crap! I really believe in the success stacking piece.

I fully agree with your last sentence. But I don't necessarily agree with the first part. This is something that lots of people who potty trained youger say, usually when they have no direct experience of potty training and older child. But anecdotally I know many families whose children were toilet trained between 2.5 and 3.5 very easily. One of mine included though they were close to the 2.5 rather than the other end of the scale.