Starting to Worry About How Forgetful I am Since Having 2nd Child

[DaisyEM]

My memory seems to be shocking since having DS2 and it's starting to worry me now. I hoping this is just normal because of how hectic life is with more than one, but looking to get some opinions in case anything sounds concerning! A few examples of some of the things I do...

• This evening it took me 1.5hrs to get both LO's to bed, as soon as I got out of 2nd child's room, went straight to the bathroom to remove my makeup. Put the cleanser on and started to remove it, then looked in the mirror as doing so and realised I had already done it when I was in the bathroom getting the kids ready for bed.
• I can sometimes be thinking I need to do something/thinking about something, and then get distracted, then 2 seconds later will not be able to remember for the life of me what I was thinking about.
• I seem to run on autopilot a lot and do things and then can't remember doing them. Or for example the other day I walked into the utility room to do something and headed straight to the microwave, then realised I wasn't intending on doing anything that had anything to do with the microwave.
• I find some days are particularly bad, however I've never done anything really shocking or forgotten anything regarding the kids.

A summary of my life...

• I have two children, one is almost 5 and at school, the other is just over 1.
• I often keep everything I have to do/everything everyone has on in my head (school events, dates for anything the kids/we are doing, my work 'to-do' lists etc)
• I am running/trying to grow my own business from home, but DS2 isn't in any childcare, so it's very much a juggling act.
• Neither children sleep through and on average I'm up anywhere from 3-5 times every night. My almost 5YO has never slept through.
• My DH has two jobs, which means I generally have to do dinner/bedtime etc for both children solo 4ish times a week.
• I never have any time to do something for myself other than work, I work through all naps etc.
• I seem to always be trying to do several things at once.
• I often find if I do get the chance to sit down in the evening for an hour, I'll stick the tv on but then I'll also try and catch up with messages/emails, or order some clothes for the kids online etc. I feel like I've lost the ability to just focus on one task or even just relax and not try and tick something off my to-do list at the same time.

Based on my life/current situation, does the issues I'm having with my memory sound normal!? I'm not sure if it's relevant, but I'm late 30s. Also mentioning in case there are any red flags, but at the start of the year I seemed to be constantly ill with back to back viruses, so I was a bit concerned about my health for a while too.

Any opinions would be much appreciated!

I have a similar situation. I think it's chronic sleep deprivation

@ThinkingIsAllowed That's what I've been thinking, maybe I'll try and see if particularly bad days corrolate with a particularly bad night's sleep. Maybe 5 years of multiple wake ups have taken their toll 😂

My vote is for B12 deficiency… memory loss is absolutely typical of it… and do you also have a bit of hair loss / thinning, or tinnitus, or anxiety, or tingling / numbness in hands or feet occasionally? There are lots of other symptoms. I have B12 deficiency, and I have found that recovering from a virus / illness tends to deplete my B12 levels further (my symptoms get worse). And also may you be heading into perimenopause? I suspect that the body becomes less able to access B12 during perimenopause and menopause.

Don’t take any vitamins / supplements until you have had your B12 levels checked. You should get Active B12 measured, not just Total B12. Also, in case of Functional B12 deficiency (where your body can get the B12 into the blood, but can’t get it into the cells), you need to have Methylmalonic Acid and Homocysteine levels checked. You might need to pay for this privately (look at medi checks as GP’s don’t seem able to refer for these tests).

Re the results - if the serum B12 comes back as a ‘low normal’ you will probably be sent away, but it’s likely you have a deficiency. If it comes back as normal then you should get MMA and homocysteine checked (as above) in case it is a functional deficiency (standard B12 tests come back normal normal for this, but your body can’t get it into the cells.

it is honestly worth getting thoroughly checked out - it can cause permanent nerve damage, and can cause similar symptoms to psychosis and dementia, if it is untreated, and severe.

Treatment (B12 injections) can be life-changing. I found out I was B12 deficient at approx 38, (I had two small children and was exhausted all the time). After the first injection at the GP, I felt so full of energy within 20 minutes - I was astounded…

Oh - and nitrous oxide absolutely strips the body of B12 (those gas canisters for whipped cream can kill - they can strip you of all B12 very very quickly)… so if you have used nitrous oxide for long periods during labour in the hospital with your babies, then you may also have got a head-start on a B12 deficiency from that, unfortunately….

Ps - not a doctor or medical professional, just a lay-person with ‘lived experience’!!

@SundayMondayMyDay amazing thank you for all of the advice! I'm actually having a full blood count done by the GP next week, would they check B12 as part of this do you know? I'm breastfeeding too and I take no vitamins, which is probably silly as I think your body takes away nutrients from you and prioritises your milk. My labour with my 2nd was very quick and I was only using gas and air for about 20 mins, but I think I did go pretty hard on it as I didn't have any other pain relief. I know at the point of pushing I had taken so much in my hearing went and I couldn't hear anything anyone was saying! I guess I could be perimenopausal too, at late 30s x

Full blood count may just be haemoglobin levels? You probably should ask them to rule out iron and B12 (and maybe vitamin D also) deficiencies? But be careful of they do a total B12 serum levels, as that shows the total B12 in the blood, including the B12 which is not actually bioavailable to you. A better measure is Active B12, if you can persuade the GP!

@SundayMondayMyDay the main reason for the bloods was to check iron levels because of constantly having viruses so far this year. I might call the GP ahead of my test to see if B12 can be checked too in that case. I am permanently exhausted and struggle with my energy levels, but that may just be because I've not slept a full night in years 😂

@SundayMondayMyDay if I went for this Medichecks test, would this cover everything you've suggested: 'Our Advanced Tiredness and Fatigue Blood Test provides a broader look at potential factors linked to low energy. It checks full blood count (FBC), active B12, folate and HbA1c, in addition to iron status, thyroid function (TSH, FT4) and vitamin D levels'?

It looks good, but doesn’t include methylmalonic acid or homocysteine. I’ve just looked and medi checks does a methylmalonic acid test for £149. They suggest that this is done after the results of the standard b12 tests, so you could see how the first lot of tests go, then if there are no obvious explanations from the results (ie normal or low normal b12), but if you have symptoms of B12 deficiency, then you should do a methylmalonic blood test. And don’t take any vitamins or supplements while this is all going on!

Another vote for chronic sleep deprivation if you are up 3-5 times in the night.

It could possibly be a post-viral brain fog type thing as you say you had a lot of back to back illnesses, but honestly sleep deprivation is more likely.

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that sounds sooo hard OP!

tbh I’d be getting the advice of a sleep trainer to help. Awful for you!

Thank you, I mean it makes sense doesn't it! I had wondered if it might be a side effect of one of the viruses I had x

Thank you, I've never really known what the solution is re sleep, my eldest just isn't a sleeper and never has been. My 2nd is far better than my first was, but he still wakes at least a couple of times a night.

Get the Ferber sleep training book.
You'll be sleeping all night within a few days. It's quite hard to do it properly but if you stick to what the book says, your children will sleep through very quickly.

And once you're not chronically sleep-deprived, you'll be much calmer and your memory will improve.

@TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne thank you for your advice. Is this something you could do even with an almost 5 year old? I've never really wanted to do sleep training to be honest, I've always just powered through in hope one day it might get better, but of course here I am 5 years in!

Yes, he has advice for all ages.
I did it with an almost 3 year old.

On the third night, she went down and slept all night.

I couldn't believe it. Yes, it took a lot of hard work on the first night, but the second was much easier, and on the third, she just slept.

And she doesn't remember anything about it, and our relationship is fine.
She's an adult now.