Toddlers - just a handhold to not feel so alone in it

[HLM1989]

Basically as the title suggests.
2 DC’s. DD is nearly 6, and has always been the dreamiest baby/toddler/child (albeit getting a tad attitude at the moment), DS is nearly 2.5 and wow - he’s humbled me.
Pre children I was always so nervous that when I had children I’d struggle if my kids had meltdowns out and about. DD just never had one so I felt so lucky. But my son.. I just can’t even explain the embarrassment I feel. Admittedly I know I shouldn’t be, but I just feel like everything is getting so hard with him.
We take him to rugby tots on a Saturday morning and my god he’s the only child who does not listen. One of the dads last week said “don’t worry we’ve all been there” - I clearly was showing I could not control him. He’s in a massive “no”, defiant, stubborn stage which I understand is toddler’s but he’s so strong willed. I want to continue doing rugby tots and other classes as want him to learn that sometimes he has to wait, listen and do as he’s told. He goes to nursery 2x a week and they said he’s similar there too.
Not really sure what answers I’m looking for, just to not feel alone in this

Hi @HLM1989 , I just wanted to show solidarity. I've just posted a huge rant on MN this morning about my 2 year old 😭 looking for some light at the end of the tunnel...
My son seems similar to yours, the terrible twos have been kicking our butts, it's so hard ... You are definitely not alone. There's a reason that man said "we've all been there", it's because most toddlers are like this and most people have been in the exact same situation as us. And they survived it!
We just need to get through it day by day and hope that it all calms down soon 🙏🏼
Not easy though, my son slapped my face this morning mid tantrum... He was crying then I was crying...
But I just wanted to say you are definitely not alone ❤️ there will be hundreds of mums feeling exactly the same as you right now. It will get better xx

@SendHelpandSnacks thank you so much for replying ❤️ it made me well up just reading your message.
I feel anxious so often now when taking him out, it’s just all feeling so overwhelming.
He’s not really napping either these days so I’m sure tiredness is also playing a part also.
Also, I’ve so been there too, he is crying and I am crying too.
Sending hugs, we will absolutely get there xx

That sounds entirely normal, and I think you had a more unusual experience with your first. I personally wouldn't do the classes if it's causing stress for you, and he isn't getting anything out of it. Of course do activities but maybe do ones where it's not scheduled or with others participating alongside, for example just take him swimming as a family. It's not about 'controlling' him, he's a toddler, that's what they are like! I think you need to work on your own anxiety as that won't be helping the situation. Sarah Ockwell Smith has some good advice in her books about toddler tantrums etc, it's really helped me.

This sounds oh so familiar. My first DD(8) was also a dream rarely a tantrum, always listened did what she was told. Then along came number 2 and Tesco temper tantrums have become a daily thing she will not be told no about anything she is wild. She is so smart, kind, loving and fun but I think she believes she is 8 like her sister and gets so frustrated that she can't do the things her sister can. If it is any help she is almost 3 now and over the last month she seems to have calmed right down.

Very similar OP. DC1 was so easy. I didn’t know what all the fuss was about….. DC2 come along to show me what I’d been missing out on!! Exactly the same! Full of energy and so strong willed! The first public tantrum was an eye opener! Vowed after him never to have any more! Must have forgotten, a bit like birth, as DC3 come along 6 years later……. It gets easier!

My nearly 2 year old is similar. Just does not listen. I’m just trying to be consistent as there’s not too many consequences you can instil at this age as I don’t think she’d understand. I just keep going with the remove and distract technique.