Hi OP,
I hope you’re ok, this sounds really tough. I just thought I would jump on cause I’m a Psychologist and specialise in working with children and I also do ND assessments and have a very high energy toddler and baby.
I know you’ve not given loads of info here and that’s fine, but I can tell you roughly what the advice would be with what you’ve said so far. In terms of allergies, if you worry he has allergies it’s good to get that ruled out generally but it sounds very unlikely that is the root of the problem to me.
Was your son always high energy but more manageable before having the baby, or has it always been this tricky? It’s just that the posts read that this seems to have become harder and behaviour has got more difficult since the baby was born, which does make sense and is very common. Changed in attunement and caregiving plus it takes up to a year to adjust, obviously we can’t tell you what is happening based on your info but I can suggest some things to think about.
I think it sounds like you need a bit more help if you’re looking after both by yourself all day, it’s no wonder this is happening. Is there any way of having some more help so your son can do more activities or get more 1:1 time with you. That would be the first and most important thing.
Secondly, with regards to direct behaviour, how are you responding at times where it is difficult? What is he trying to communicate or what need is he trying to get met in those moments? Once you work out when it is usually happening (eg always during breastfeeding) the reason becomes obvious (having to share mummy and doesn’t want to/ is confused/ wants to play) and then you work on the thing that is causing it (increased 1:1 time, write stories to explain how your heart has room for 2, find ways he is included in feeding (special reading time during feeds). Are you always responding the same if he’s not safe with the baby or are you trying different things? Consistency is very important and with safety around a newborn we always just suggest that as soon as anything happens you need to gently but firmly say - ‘I have to keep everybody safe and we cannot hit baby, I need to move away now’ and then leave the area to somewhere safer. Not a big deal, just a calm sentence, don’t mention it or turn it into a big thing afterwards. Obviously he needs to be safe then too so this is where you actually do need another person too if you can’t keep them away from each other,
It doesn’t really sound like this is happening but just be mindful about how often your asking him to wait a minute or putting the tv on to placate him whilst you do something because sometimes behaviour can be learned as a way to get access to something- like the tv.
It’s common also for children who have a lower vocabulary to express feelings through behaviour - because how else is he supposed to tell anyone. We consistently see children who are slower with language development have more challenging behaviours. The other behaviours you’ve described (impulsivity/concentration) is also normal for his age range everything you’ve described, it would become more of a difficulty as he grows older if he doesn’t grow out of these things. For his age you would expect him to concentrate for no more than 2 minutes on a task- that is the normal range. On some occasions we do see children who need further assessment at this young age, but it’s usually very obvious that they have autism (and the parents are clear about it before coming to an assessment). We can’t assess a child for adhd before the age of 5/6 because we would expect every child younger than that to score as meeting the criteria (in line with what we expect for normal development).
I think as another poster said it might be good to look at his routine- I think I read you said he slept up to 4 hrs a day (I may have misinterpreted). For a 2 year old 4 hours is really quite a lot, is he up a lot in the night? Do you wake him after a set amount of time? Developmentally 1-2 hours at that age is appropriate. If this is the case he’lll be like a Jack in the box when he’s awake and will be very undertired. Similarly if he’s sleeping in the day cause he’s not at night that will also be causing problems with behaviour.
And I know how hard it is with the tv, I use it a lot myself for my kids. It does , however, genuinely impact on behaviour- so if you’re trying to manage his behaviour you are going to need to reduce it somehow- which is almost impossible with a newborn (and also why I suggested maybe a bit more help if it’s at all possible- you with a newborn and high energy toddler is more than a one person job.
if there is a combination of a lot of tv plus more sleep than he needs he will very likely be hyperactive and have difficulty with behaviour when awake.
When he’s playing or doing things, are the activities structured and set up for him or is he just wondering around between things- cause the other thing at this age is that little ones can find it hard to initiate an develop their play themselves so can end up getting bored and destructive quite quickly. If you can, getting him with you doing an activity for 10 mins may allow you some wiggle room to then move away for another 10 minutes before he starts looking for you again (although, like I say 2 minutes would actually be quite good for his age).
anyway, ask any questions you like, I’ll check in tomorrow :)