I want it all... but something has to give.

[MarthaFaukas]

A brief summary:

• I have built my career in London. Good salary, not 3 figures but good for my line of work. I am the higher earner
• Partner also works full time - 3 days in office in London, 2 wfh.
• 2 DC
• Currently renting, want to buy a place. Cant afford to IN London, looked at other cities BUT absolutely no jobs in my field. It would also require me to take a substantial step back and pay cut (around 25k), as well as being treated in the bands of newly qualified.
• We can afford to buy in commuter belt (20mi drive for me to get to work) but I feel like I would never see my kids. With a high mortgage, I couldnt afford to go part time. How do people do it with kids at school? My work is quite flexible (for now) and would likely allow me start early/finish early, or drive home within my lunch break.

I just feel so conflicted but it doesnt seem worth it to move out, to ruin my career. I would also be concerned re: job prospects. My other concern is that if i were to become sick of the commute, I'd need to keep a high salary - so couldnt necessarily get a lower paying job closer.to home (although def more jobs in and around London).

Thanks for reading this far (if you have
..!).

What is the family income?

because for you to think you can drive 20 min to work in your London place - you are looking at a HUGE budget

The simple answer is you can’t have it all. At least not all at the same time

one thing I would say is no one ever had good employee on their headstone. Everyone loves to think they are indispensable to their employer and career but the reality is we are all replaceable tomorrow. Unless your career is ground breaking - literally saving lives. Then prioritise your children and building a stable home in a house you own

i have a career - lone parent - kids are in before and after school club. Sometimes it feels like I hardly see them and the pressure to maintain a career and be a good mother is overwhelming and crippling at times. I love my job and career worked bloody hard for it. But if I could I’d walk away from it tomorrow take a massive pay cut and prioritise work life balance

Ah, 20 miles! Not min! Min would be wonderful! Says average about an hour for 20miles.

I'd also walk away but just cant afford to. Unless loads of jobs come up soon, we may have no choice.

What’s your budget?

550k on London salaries.

ok so that’s not much for commuter belt to London.

remember to add train fare when you’re pricing up

either way - you have been posting threads about moving for years! The time has come to make the leap!

Would you consider renting in the commuter area for a year to see how it works out? If it doesn't work, don't buy there.

Yup!!! Its so difficult, but works out the same disposable (if not more to stay and buy). Would people take the leap and move with no job? Thats the sort of risk that terrifies me!

Thats a good idea, but i feel time ticking and worried wont get a mortgage for the term we need if i get much older!

But you have basically been tying yourself up in knots about this for the past 3 years. I think you just need to be brave and make a change.

Hornchurch would get you a nice place on that budget with good commuting options into London

Yes, you're right! I want to move, very much. But also feel I do want a job at least in what i've trained in.

£550k? Have you looked at Sutton. Really well connected in some parts

Rent. Keep renting as long as possible. Save more money and enjoy life where you are. Buy when kids are older with bigger deposit and less worry about kids being sick & needing to go get them. Why do you want/need to buy?

Hadnt thought of that. I guess because more stable than renting and I'd like to get on the ladder before too much older! But am sure plenty of people in London just rent, and theyre fine!

Either one of you needs to be very flexible or you both need to have a degree of flexibility. I had a 3 hour London commute when mine were little (no jobs in my field outside London, Glasgow, Edinburgh, etc). We lived beyond the commuter belt because that’s where we could afford the sort of property we wanted.

I worked 3 long days (compressed hours), left at 6am, arrived at the office at 9am, left at 4pm, arrived home at 7pm. I worked on the train as well. On those days, Dh worked roughly 9:30-3 or 4:30pm those 3 days depending on if ours were in nursery or school. Then he’d work longer days, more like 8:30-5/5:30 or later if needed on the other 2 days. I worked from home short days on the other 2 or sometimes I had 1 day off a week when they were nursery age. We both travelled as well and then the other would adjust their schedule as necessary to be available that week.

I am an academic and Dh is a company director, so both fairly senior. But flexibility was key as was the fact we fully supported each other. No one’s career was more important than the other. We have no family help, so really did do it all ourselves.

Wrong thread

Honestly? I think many first time buyers in London have help from parents. Without an inheritance or gift, it's pretty impossible to get a family home

We were in a similar situation and opted to buy in London but not a "family home". We had a lovely 2 bed ex-council flat in a very central area and dcs shared. Walking distance to work and school, easy access to amenities and all the London attractions, I could do every drop off and be back in time to collect from wraparound without stressing about train cancellations. It's taken a different frame of mind to step away from the suburban dream but I've never been afraid of doing things differently. Our careers have gone from strength to strength as I'm able to be very present and we will be able to move to a house later this year (less central but within zone 3).

you can buy a three bed flat for that in London

Which part of London? You can buy a nice place in East Reading for that. Decent schools, on the lizzy line or fast trains to Paddington or the Waterloo line so lots of options. You’d get a good size 3 bed semi or maybe even a 4 bed.

How many days a week are you in London for? We did move out but I can WFH two days a week. I have a 30 min train ride, and can work on the train. I see a lot of people doing that. My work also lets me come in early and go home at 4pm which helps, as I get a good couple of hours with my pre-schoolers on working in the office days also.

We’re still divided a bit. I’d have been happy if our flat in London, and a walk to work. My partner prefers the house and garden for kids and dog, even with a commute