Struggling with daughter's unhealthy eating habits when staying with her dad

[TheQuaintLemonDuck]

Every single time my DD goes to stay with her dad, all routine and common sense go completely out the window. I try so hard at home - proper meals, balance, not banning treats but keeping things reasonable - and then she goes there and it’s just an all-you-can-eat junk fest.
I’m talking constant takeaways, crisps, sweets, fizzy drinks, “holiday mode” 24/7. No structure, no limits, no thought for the consequences. And I’m the one left dealing with it when she comes back.
I don’t want to sound awful, but it’s really starting to show. Her waistline is expanding, her clothes are getting tighter, and I can literally see the difference after a weekend, never mind a full week. After Easter in Spain with him she came back nearly 9lbs heavier. 9lbs! In one holiday! I nearly fell over.
It’s not just about looks either - it’s habits. She’s starting to expect that kind of eating all the time, and I’m the “bad guy” for saying no when she’s home. Meanwhile he gets to be the fun parent stuffing her with rubbish and not dealing with any of the fallout.
I’m so frustrated I could scream. I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle trying to keep her healthy while he just undoes it all in a few days.
Has anyone else dealt with this? How do you even begin to tackle it when the other parent just doesn’t care?

I'm not saying you shouldn't be concerned generally but honestly what leapt out at me was that you weighed her before and after her holiday. That sounds quite toxic.

she is weighed regularly for horseriding and gymnastics. not toxic.

Are you the same poster who posted about your son gaining the same amount of weight after a holiday without dad?

You again!

no

Nothing you can do, except keep modelling healthy habits with you. If she's active with gymnastics and horse riding, then she'll probably realise quite soon that she needs to stay a healthy weight. How old is she?

15..

Is she still a healthy weight? She might get a wake up call, if she gets too heavy to ride or it affects her gymnastics performance.

I also didn't see that post?

You’ve posted about this a lot. I don’t think people on MN will be able to offer you any advice that hasn’t already been said.

not according to BMI :(

I thought you were going to say she was 8 or 9! At 15 she's old enough to make her own choices about what she eats.

15… I was half expecting you to say 7… At 15 she is still a child yes, but she’s old enough to start considering the consequences of her eating habits. It’s not up to you to police her. You can only guide. You sound very fixated on her weight and BMI.

so I'm not allowed worry about her health?

At 15 she's plenty old enough to know the consequences of stuffing her face full of junk.

At 15 I was controlling my eating and consequences were abstract so I completely disagree with posts that basically amount to 'leave her to it'. I understand your worry OP, you want her to be healthy and her dad is enabling bad habits. There are regularly plenty of other threads on here that absolutely pillory mothers who aren't perfect nutritionists but as usual, fun dad gets all the leeway.

The important thing though is that you don't give your daughter a complex about either her weight or her appearance. People often do put weight on at holidays and she may just balance out against now she's back into her normal routine with her activities. But have you had a conversation with her about nutrition at all? Or her dad? What form did it take? You'll probably have more luck just keeping modelling healthy eating and facilitating physical activity than getting fun dad to change his habits and take parenting seriously.

thank you. thats the conversation I'm looking for advice on...